Honestly
by Swimming cutie xoxo
Summary: I hate being told i need help, but it is a whole new thing when you are forced to get this help! But i am being forced, so something good should come out of this right? Well it doesn't, but i did meet Paul.
1. This could be fun

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Twilight!!**

Jacobs POV  
Honestly, I had no idea Sam was serious! I mean, come on we are brothers, we are going to get into fights no matter what you say! But no, he had to go make a threat that none of us would take seriously until it was too late! Damn it! Oo well I guess I should explain what is going on, so you see Sam was tried of me, Paul, Embry and Quil fighting all the time so he said if one more thing in his house was broken we had to go to these sessions. I will explain what the sessions are, so the Quileute School and Forks school decided to get together and have these sessions for anger management / group therapy. Now I am forced to go to all 10 of them! How stupid!!

I am currently sitting in a circle of chairs in the Forks library, on one side of me is Embry and on the other side is Quil, we are waiting are Paul to show of course he is late! There is about 5 other students here, all are guys expect one girl, at least I think she is a girl? She is facing a wall, all curled up in her chair, I can see her headphones but not her face. She is wearing a bright pink t-shirt with a black sweater over it and what looks to be a black and white stripped skirt, might be shorts, with black and pink leggings. Her hair looks black but her hood is up so I am unsure. All the other guys are dressed in black and look emo or they are just some preppy screw ups.

This should be fun, I can tell no one wants to be here but the forks school has sent they most troubled students here with out a choice. Sadly I am in the same boat, I would leave but Sam would probably kill me later if did. Now we wait for five people, two being the principals, one being the being the therapist guy, as well as the security guard and last being Paul! The clock is slowing down; I just know this is going to be hell!

"Welcome students! I am the principal of Forks High School and we are very pleased to have all of you here! Now would please help me in welcoming the Dr. Snow, she is in charge of this sessions." He gestured to a tall blonde woman in the corner, she was writing something down on a clipboard, "As well we are welcoming your security guard Mr. Delanges. I know this will be good for all of you..." he was cut off by the girl (?) in the corner's laughing. He looked over there with a very annoyed expression, "Is there a problem Ms. Hiltz?" He asked in one of those 'I am only being polite because I have to not like you deserve it' tones.

"The only problem here sir is you seem to have lied." She mocked in the same tone he used. "Though I guess you can't always tell the truth because then everyone would know that you are wearing a wig?" Man this girl was good! And funny too! The principal's face went red and he quickly left the room.

Dr. Snow stepped into the middle of the circle, "Well how about we start by introducing your self's to the group, followed by why you believe you are here today." She walked over and sat down in the chair at the head of the table, she proceed to point to the guy next to her.

What's-his-name stood up, "Well my name is Matt, Matt Dillon. And I am here because well it was either this or get expelled, so I picked here." No emotion in his little speech, and judging by his black cloths, he is emo.

Next was some prep dude, "My name is Adam Fraser and I am here because I like to fool around in class but the teachers are not too fond of me." Alright well he is on my 'not-talking-to-you' list.

Next, "My name is Ryan Garnier, and I am here because I have anger problems." That was…short.

Next was the girl in the corner, but she wasn't paying attention, probably had her music to loud. "Miss… Miss… MISS HILTZ!" Dr. Snow was not getting her attention, so that guy - thinking his name is Adam - throw a book at her. That should go over well.

WHACK! The book hit her right in the head, she whipped around and picked up the book, "WHO THOUGH IT?" wow she was pissed. Everyone looked over at Adam; he was looking at the ground, kinda looks like he is scared of her. "ADAM FRASAER! WHAT THE FUCK! I was sitting here being quit and you had to go be a jack ass and the though the fukcing book at my fucking head! Eh?" With every word she got closer to him and he seemed to shrink in his sit, "God like I know you are stupid as shit but c'mon you must have some common sense! Is it a good idea to throw things at me?!" She was right in front of him now – jeez even I was scared of her by this point- he slowly nodded his head no. "That's what I thought dumb ass!" She though the book right at his head and it hit with a loud thud! She walked back over to her sit and sat down.

This was the first time I got a good look at her, she was pretty short only about 5'2 maybe 5'3. She was wearing black converse, with black and white stripped leggings that end just under her knee. She had on a black skirt with pink lace coming out of the end along with some pink bows by her hip bones, then her pink t-shirt, I am talking like hot pink with a black flamingo in the middle. She had on a plain black hoodie as well then there was her hair, it was black and long. It was straight on the bottom, but near the top it was all puffed up and she had a piece of with dyed pink strips going on it. She wore a lot of black eye liner and had a very pale face, as well as her nose was pierced on the left side and her bottom lip pierced on the right side. She was defiantly an Emo. **(A/N Pictures of her hair on my profile)**

Dr. Snow was just looking at her, and then told her it was her turn to introduce herself, so she stood again, but was interrupted by Paul slamming the door. He walked over to the empty seat next to Embry; he put his head in his hands. The girl was staring at him with a very pissed off look on her face, "Well?" her voice was like acid, but Paul never looked up so she walked over and kicked his chair.

"What the fu-"he stopped the minute he saw her. His face went blank and his eyes filled with wonder…oo shit he so imprinted, of course he imprints on the scariest girl I have meet. Though she was no idea so she kicked the chair again, this seemed to have snapped Paul out of it.

"Well? You got something to say jack ass?" She was still pissed; and Paul was looking so stunned it was almost funny. She was getting madder by the second so Embry leaned over and told him to say sorry.

"I'm S-sorry" He finally said, though she didn't look happy she walked back over to her seat.

"Well now that the brain-less jack ass found his mouth I can finally introduce myself. My name is Jessica Hiltz and I am here because I have angry issues, mostly with man." She smiled a very sweet innocent smile, like her problem was so hard to guess, " I am also here because that stupid man that left early believes I am a lost cause and that I need to stop being so bitchy to people. But what does he know!? So here I am, if you have problem with that you can learn to deal." With that she sat down and waiting for the next person to introduce them selves. Paul just keep staring at, though she never noticed because she was to busy watching the ceiling.

Quil was next, "Ok well my name is Quil Areta. I am from the rez and I am here because my friend thinks I have anger issues." That was actually a pretty good cover, nice one Quil. Great I am next ok what to say? Oo got!

"My name is Jacob Black and I am also from the rez for those of you didn't figure that out. I am here because my _friend _decided that I had some anger issues and that I needed to stop breaking stuff in his house so here I stand." That was a pretty good cover, I am pretty sure saying _"Well I am a young werewolf and I tend to get into fights with the guys from my pack and sometimes thing get broken in you Alphas house."_ Would not be the best idea.

"My name is Embry Call and I am here because…well I am here for some reason or another but I don't remember so yea." Wow Embry good job. Ok now was Paul this should be interesting.

Paul didn't move, so Embry elbowed him in the side and he seemed to get the message. "My name is Paul and I am here because I have anger issues." That was short, well at least he didn't say anything stupid.

"Well that was very good very one, now look across the circle from you and you will see your new partner! You and your partner have to pick a corner in the library and then I will come over and hand out a questionnaire for both of you to fill out." Alright I looked across to find some emo guy, Matt, well this should be fun! Embry got Adam, Quil got Ryan and of course Paul got Jessica. This will be so much fun, she hates him already and he loves her already! I don't think this session will be boring any more!

**Review please! Reviewers will get....well you will get something i am not sure what yet! i will elt you know!**


	2. Why do i try?

**Disclaimer : Me no own twilight! that is as clear as it gets people!**

**_Jessica POV_**  
Why in the world am I here? Oo right that dumb-ass of a principal and the stupid guidance counselor decided this would be good for me! Yea right! Right now I am sitting in a circle waiting to be told what is next on the torture list. So far I have a complete douche bag throw a book at my head then some one really big brain-less guy came in and interrupted me when I was trying to introduce myself. Ok so yea maybe he was really hot, but that is so not the point here! When I went over to him and started to yell in his face, all he did was stare back at me with a very dazed expression, so right now he is on my " remember to never to speak to you again please" list.

"Well that was very good very one, now look across the circle from you and you will see your new partner! You and your partner have to pick a corner in the library and then I will come over and hand out a questionnaire for both of you to fill out" That Dr. Snow lady was to happy for her own good, hell even for my own good!

Alright across the circle is… shit! That guy again! Damn this is stupid! He is so stupid, does he even know his own name! Great, you someone up there is having a field day! Might as well get this over with, I mean I can't get in trouble again because one more time and I get expelled and that will not look good on my collage applications. Yea I know, you may not think some one me wants to go to collage but honestly I need to go! I am very smart no mark below a 95 right now, the five percent is missed classes.

"Hi…umm…my name is…P-Paul." Yup, he is stupid. I just rolled my eyes and stalked off into the nearest corner I could find, and of course he followed me. I sat down by the wall, but this time he didn't follow suite, I raised one eyebrow at him. Ok when I said stupid I meant like stupid not I am so slow I don't understand anything! God, looks like I will have to actually talk to him…

"Well? You going to sit down or what?" You could hear the distaste in my voice but that was the point.

"Well I will but first I wanted to say sorry again for interrupting you early today." He seemed like he might actually mean it, ok who am I kidding, you could tell by his eyes he meant every word. Wow, another twist I was not expecting.

_Ooo no, you should no like him that way. Even if he is damn fine!_

I do not like him that way

_Sure you don't, you have never been a good liar!_

Great now I am talking to myself! And he is still staring ok well… "Yea ok whatever, so is she coming to give us the questions?" I meant to sound uncaring but for some reason I sounded normal. _Yea you know the reason just as well as I do!_ Damn stop that!

And here she comes, "Well Jessica, Paul here is your sheet. Have fun and please answer all questions." With that she walked away and left me there alone with him.

"So do you want to ask first or me?" I just looked at the floor hoping he would get the message and lucky he did. "Alright, guess I will go first. Ok number one: What is your full name?"

Might as well answer, "Jessica June Hiltz" it was almost a whisper but he seemed to have heard me. I didn't want to ask him his because I didn't care. _YES YOU DO! God you need to listen to me, I am always right! _Ok I might want to have that looked at, don't think I am supposed to talk back to myself.

"Ok I can write down my answers for you just give me your page." Wow, I shrugged and handed him the paper, he wrote something down and then continued the questions, "Ok number two: what do you think is your worst problem?"

Ok so if I don't want to like him, I can't be near him and the only thing I can do to get him to say away is be mean. "Right now you." I never looked up from the floor but I was glaring.

"Ok then, number three: have you every done something you regret?"

"Coming here and talking to you, what a waste of my time! I think I may actually be losing IQ points just being near you!" This time I did look up and I swear I saw hurt in his eyes. Shit! Why do I care! _Ok one more time, nice and slow…You…Like…HIM!!!!!_ Wow ok I need to calm down!

"Ok…number four: What are you not excited to do and why?"

I was still looking into his eyes, and they made me feel like I needed to be honest and it kinda slipped out before I could stop myself! "Going home and because that bastard will be there waiting!" Shit I did not just say that!!! I did see confusion cross his face before I quickly looked back down at the ground.

"Who do you mean by bastard?" There was anger in his voice that I could not place, why would he care? "Do you mean your father?" The tears started to well up with just the name, the one person who was my ray of sun shine is gone.

"No" even I could hear the tears thick in my voice, "Sisters boyfriend." Not again! Jeez I have to stop telling him these things.

"Does he hurt you?" There was more anger this time and every word was laced with a silent threat. I can't tell him, they would come and take Shaun away; we need him and his money.

"No" there that sounded convincing enough.

"You may go now. I do belive we have broken down some walls today! Tomorrow will help again so please come back!" Saved by ! I got up and ran for the door not once looking at Paul, scarred to see what I found.

Once out side i ran around the back and went under the bleachers. Hell if I had to go face that bastard I was going to do it high and drunk. Luckily I still had some weed and a small thing of vodka in my bag, not that anyone knows it is there, but it tends to come in handy. I quickly "took care of business" then I walked home for my latest nightmare, waiting for it to be over already.

The whole way home Paul's face stayed in my mind, I knew we would never be close because I will never to close to a man again. After my father passed I felt like half of me went missing then my sisters boyfriend came along and beat the remaining half down to a quarter. No I am to broken for anyone to love, except my sisters still loves me but that is it.

Nothing says Welcome Home like I good punch in the stomach, I could feel something hit my head but everything was going fuzzy any way, just what I wanted I welcomed the blackness that followed. Soon everything was black and I let myself drift into a sleep I didn't I would wake up from, but then again this is my normal life. The life of Jessica June Hiltz. Or as I call it the never ending spiral of hell.

**PLease review and Thank you to Little Miss Falls alot for being the first to review! Feel free to write what you want! Nice or not! PLease review and don't be afraid to tell me what you think should happen i am open for suggestions!**


	3. Trust

**Disclamier : I do not or ever will own twilight!**

**Jessica POV  
**"JESSICA JUNE HILTZ TURN OFF THE FUCKING MUSIC!!!" Damn my sister Kristen can yell. I have my music blasting right now playing my favorite song: Hook me up by The Veronicas. It is funny when people find out about my taste in music because they assume by the way I look I only listen to emo music, but I don't listen to emo very often because it just makes me more depressed then I already am. I even write some of my own music but I have never let anyone hear it before, not that anyone cares besides Kristen.

She is yelling right in my ear because I am sitting in the middle of my bed trying to cover up the cut along my neck that her lovely boyfriend put there yesterday well I was knocked out on the floor. Now please don't make judgments, Kristen loves me alor truly she does and I know it may not sound like she cares because she just lets here boyfriend beat me but she doesn't. Every time he is beating or raping me he makes sure to knock her out before, the one time he didn't she went crazy and almost killed him with a knife so he is careful now.

Now my mom, she is never home because she doesn't care and she is out making money to buy her liquor, her job is not a normal one, I guess you could call her a slut, whore, hoe and hooker but she does make a lot of money. So she is never home but it isn't like she doesn't know what goes on at home, but since my dad….passed away…she just lost herself. You see my dad was killed about a year and a half ago by some man he did work with, it was a very brutal killing and it was all over the news.

We would call the police on Shaun (Kristen's boyfriend) but we need home because he plays for food since "mom" can't and he kinda owns the house we live in, so I put up with his shit mostly for my sister because she needs a place to live.

Anyways Kristen is still yelling at me, so I took out one headphone well I raise one eyebrow at her, "Yes sister dearest?" I purposely put a sarcastic smile on my face. She was sitting on my bed looking at the cut shaking her head and cursing under her breathes.

"Jess, c'mon you have to get to the therapy session again today, you can't miss them remember?" I rolled my eyes even though I know she is right, but I would rather be skinned alive then go today. That Paul kid will be there and if he told someone about last time they might come to get Shaun, then we are screwed! So I got up and put on some black skinny jeans along with my We The Kings t-shirt then went over to the bathroom and put on a lot of eye liner and mascara, then some bright blue eye shadow to match the shirt.

I went straight to the car not bothering with food, I don't eat much anyways. Kristen just sighed and started to drive me to school, I put back in my headphones and listened to Breathing by Yellowcard, I turned the volume all the way up and just listened to the music well I shut the rest of the world out. I was not ready for today! Or for Paul, I know we are doing more partner work. _O come on you know you want to see him again! _Maybe… but I just met him plus I know there is no chance of us. _Never say never. A year ago you would have said that your mom would never sell herself for money but wow she does! _Ouch, man even my own comebacks hurt me. But still I know it won't happen because I can't trust man, every! They all want two things: sex and power! And I will not give any of those to anyone! _What about Shaun, he gets both? _By force, but he doesn't count.

"Do you want me to pick you up after?" Kristen was facing me with one of my headphones in her hand. I would say yes but the longer away from Shaun the better; also it gives me time to smoke up before I go back to my own personal hell. I told her no and walked slowly to the library doors, I looked though the window before entering, everyone was there. I could see Paul; he was staring at the door taping his foot and fidgeting as if he was nervous and waiting someone to come though the doors.

I opened the door and then slammed it shut; I love to make my presence known to everyone in the room. I walked over to my chair and put in my headphones, once again blasting music waiting for Dr. Whats-her's-face to come and tell me how my life will be wasted today. As if on cue she walks in, I turn off my Ipod and put on my 'Aren't-I-the-cutest-little-thing-you-have-ever-seen' face.

"Well today we are going to pick up at the same point as yesterday. I have all the sheets you completed yesterday with your partner, so now I am going to go around the circle and ask everyone to share three facts about their partners. Alright Embry you can start." I tuned him out; I already knew who he was talking about. After Embry this Jacob guy went, then a bunch of other people, then it came to Paul.

"My partner was Jessica Hiltz, she is 16 and she has anger issues." He smiled oblivious satisfied with his answer, great I knew nothing about him. There were five more people ahead of me, so maybe I had time to learn at least his age. I looked over at him and to my surprise he was already looking at me, but I shook it off and mouthed the word age. He looked confused at first then he mouthed about 17, I didn't bother nodding. Ok so now I know his age and name, that is good enough for me and if Dr. Snow doesn't think so then screw her.

"Jessica? It's your turn hun." God, I hate when people call me hun….but I might as well go.

"My partner was Paul and he is 17." Dr. Snow made that circle hand motion telling me to continue, "That's all I know." I shrugged looking her right in the eye; I can tell that she is scared of me after my little performance yesterday. She just shook her head and moved on, there were only two people left so it is quickly.

"Alright kids, now we are going to do a trust exercise, so please go find your partner and stand in a line over there." She point over to a stack of books, "We are going to be doing trust falls, so please stand one in front of the other." Before she could finish everyone was already moving, so the last part of the instructions were blended into the already loud room.

I went and stood in front of Paul, there was no way I was going to try and catch that giant he would squash me! "Ok now when I say go everyone in front is going to fall back and trust their partners to catch them." Great this would be fun, I know he is just going to move and let me fall but whatever I don't mind I will fall any way, "Ok everyone ready….3….2…1…GO"

I let my feet slowly tip letting me fall backwards into the arms I know won't be there, but it won't be the first time some one wasn't there to catch me when I needed them. I can fell the wind rush by my face and though my hair as my descent towards the floor continues.

Next thing I know I am in to very warm arms, they are holding my up. With confusing coloring my face I tilt my head up to find a smiling Paul, he actually caught me….didn't let me fall…why? Why wouldn't just let me fall so he could get an easy laugh? Maybe he cares? _Haven't you learned anything…no one cares…sometimes not even Kristen…don't get your hopes up only to have them crushed! _Ok so I was right, I quickly stood up and turned my back to him again, not wanted to face the smile on his face, because all it would do is make me feel more alone in this already empty black hole called my mind.

Sometimes it feels like I am holding onto an edge in my mind, kinda like a cliff, and slowly my fingers start to slip, one by one. Until I am only holding on with one finger, but I won't let go because I am terrified of what lays below the cliff, what is waiting for me down there. Right now is one of those times, but for the first time, that one finger slowly starts to slip, and then it just lets go. Every noise becomes louder and things start to spin, I can hear so many voices in my head all yelling at me for something, then I hear my dads voice telling me everything will work out because the world was never meant to be dark and violent. But right now my world is becoming black, my feet feel light as they leave the ground, only to have my body once again finds it way back into the warm arms, but I can't think straight anymore everything stop making sense sometime ago.

My eyelids snap shut and I let the darkness take over, hoping maybe this time I won't have to open them again.

**Please review and let me know how you like or dislike the story soo far...also i need suggestions because right now i am stuck!! soo please REVIEW!**


	4. Awake

**Disclaimer: I still do not own twilight! (insert sad face here)  
Thank you to everyone who reviewed!**

Jessica's POV  
"JESSICA?"

"Give her a minute and please Paul give her some space as well, I am sure she would like to breathe."

"BUT… WHAT THE HELL? IS SHE OK?"

"Paul calm down and stop yelling, we don't want to scare her. Now she will be fine, this sort of thing can happen during these sessions, people come to an understanding or just scare themselves."

"But…But…WHAT IF SHE ISN"T OK? I mean how can you tell? She doesn't look well! TELL ME AGAIN WHY SHE ISN'T IN A HOSPITAL?"

"Paul breath…she will be fine. Don't make me send you away…so calm down and please once again back up and let me take a look."

Shit…I can hear them…that means I am alive…damn! I ask for one small thing and do I get it? NO! Wonder how long I should wait to tell them I am awake, probably not much longer. I am sure by the sound of it Paul might kill Dr. Snow and where as that would be highly amusing it would also send away from sometime. _Stop thinking like that! You know you can't have him! Plus he probably doesn't want you bitch! I mean come on, why would some one like him pick some one like you! He is the whole package where as you are nothing but the remaining broken pieces._

Yea, I know…but come on a girl can dream right? Well might as well let them know I am awake…but why not have some fun with this, I am going to make this very dramatic!

I slowly twitched my index finger to see if anyone noticed….

"DR. SNOW SHE HASN'T MOVED IN- WAIT HER FINGER MOVED! HER FINGER! IT MOVED! MAYBE SHE IS AWAKE!" ok well Paul noticed…wow he was some issue and that yelling has got to stop! Ok what next? I know!

"Nooo…stay away …" I made my breathing heavy and started to move a little bit, "Please…no wait stop… PLEASE…NOO" I started to shake violently and then a started to scream, "NOO…GET AWAY...PLEASE! IT HURTS…STOPS! I BEG YOU! No don't leave…I need you…not now…" the screaming got pretty loud and the shaking was getting more dramatic when I slowly brought my voice down and the shaking creased to a slow steady twitch.

"JESSICA!" Once again it was Paul…imagine that…, "Jess, I am here you are okay…calm down hun." Though it was funny it didn't go unnoticed that he said hun…_You liked that way too much! _O Shut up and let me enjoy it! "It's okay…I am here…you are safe..."

Alright time for some more fun…it is a good thing other peoples feelings mean nothing to me! I opened my eyes and then looked around to see that I was in Paul's lap and his arms were wrapped around me. My eyes got really wide and I started to squirm out of his arms, his grip tightened. I started to scream and made a pretty good effort to get out of his arms, finally he let go and I ran to the other side of the library and sat down in the corner. Luckily I know how to make myself cry, so that worked out well.

Paul was just sitting there stunned, and Dr. Snow was getting every one back to their seats, they all looked scared shitless! I guess it is a good thing I scared Paul, I mean it will make it easier to stop wanting him if he no longer acts like he wants me. I didn't move, I just let the tears roll down my cheeks, but this time they were real tears, because once again I pushed away someone who might care. Leaving me all alone, not that it was something new for me, but it was something unwanted.

**Sorry it is soo short! I didn't have much time to write this morning and i wanted to update. I will make the next chapter longer, but i still need ideas for what you think should happen! PLEASE REVIEW! **


	5. Ms Bitch

**Disclamier: I do not own twilight. I repeat i do not own twilight!  
Thank you to those who reviewed!**

Jessica's POV  
"Jessica?"

I quickly wiped away the most of the mascara and eyeliner that was now running down my face, slowly I brought my head up excepting to see either Dr. Snow or Paul but no it was Embry and Quil. Wonder what they want, whatever it is it can't be good; o well might as well play along.

"What do you want?" my voice broke and I sounded weak, something that doesn't happen very often.

"We were just wondering if you were ok? Or if you need anything?" I think it was Embry that was asking but I am not sure, they all look alike.

I wanted to reply with some sarcastic comment, but I couldn't, they seemed to actually care. "I'm fine." I was looking at the floor again.

"Sure you are, that's why you were freaking out in the middle of the room!" Ok that was Quil, he is not so nice one, and I have to remember that for later. Embry face's face was pretty funny though; he reached over and punched Quil in the arm while shaking his head.

"Yea…" I decided to tell them about the joke, "You guys are so dense, and that was a joke." Wow their faces are priceless! They are so stunned!

"But…You… Paul…Screaming…I…you?" Embry is somewhat confused…and Quil well he wasn't moved an inch. It took about five more minutes of Embry saying on word sentences and Quil acting like he was frozen for someone to make a full sentence.

That someone was Jake; somehow he heard what was going on from the other side of the room. "Are you serious!? You had everyone worried! Paul was freaking out! And it was a JOKE!?" He wasn't happy about this, but honestly why would I care.

I shrugged, "Umm yea…" I spoke as if I was telling a small child once again that the whole is round, the most oblivious fact ever!

"Did it ever cross your mind that your little stunt might hurt someone's feelings?" this time I looked down, not wanting to say what came next.

"Maybe that was the point." My voice was almost a whisper, but they all heard, the tears were thick in my voice. I didn't look up; I was scared to see what I would find. I excepted them to do what ever other guy does when he doesn't understand a girl, walk away, so I was surprised when I heard Jake's voice.

"Jess? What do you mean that was the point? Did you want to hurt Paul by fooling him?" His was voice soft and caring, damn why does he care? I mean this would be easier if he could just hate me like everyone else!

I didn't want to answer him, but he put his finger under my chin to left my face so he could see me. His eyes made me want to tell the truth. "Yea…it was the point…." My voice was broken and low, great I kinda sounded like a man. I am getting tried of all this touchy feely and caring shit, time to go back to Ms. Bitch! "It was the fucking point! I don't want that jerk near me! All he does is cause fucking problems and all I want is for him to get hit by a bus! Ok I am not dealing with him and his shit so I figured that this would be the best way to spread the message. Hopefully it got though his fucking thick head! I don't want him with in 10 feet of me, but he seems too flipping stupid to catch on, so I thought I would spell it out for him! As well as you and your freakishly tall friends! I am fine on my fucking own so stop trying to fucking care! " I was standing now and my voice sounded strong again, I was trying to be strong, but my knees almost gave out when I saw Paul's face. He heard what I said, he looked like a burning, as if my words at actually been burning him.

I had to look away, I was regretting everything I said but I couldn't let that show. I walked over to me chair and sat down and took out my pen and paper as well as my ipod. I need to write a song, i needed to write down how I feel. I tuned out the rest of the world and started to write:

_I'm tired of my life  
I feel so in between  
I'm sick of all my friends  
Girls can be so mean  
I feel like throwing out  
Everything I wear  
Starting over new  
Cause I'm not even there_

_Sometimes...  
I want to get away some place  
but I don't want to stay too long  
sometimes  
I want a brand new day_

Some one tapped my shoulder. I took out one headphone and looked up to see Paul reading what I wrote. I covered it and raised an eyebrow at him.

"It is time to leave." Point blank. Ok then, I got up quickly and took all my stuff. I ran to the back of the building, I had to go straight home as much as I wanted to smoke up, I could tell Paul was following me. I walked home at good pace getting there in about ten minutes, not bad.

There was a note from my sister, good she found me a job, you see me and my sister are going to get jobs and save up our money so that we can kick Shaun out. Ok so the job is at a strip club…before you think it is for a singer position. Great, I start today, I am so excited, but I do get to sing all my own songs! Finally someone will get to hear them; even thought the people hearing them will also be watching half naked girls strip…o well!

**Please review!! PLEASE! think of it as a christmas gift for me! please! the more reviews the faster i write!**


	6. Cuts and bruises

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight!  
Thanks to those of you who reviewed!**

"Today I want you and your partner to go some where in the library and I will give each group a topic. Then each we will get back together as a group and discuss what we learned about one another. Sound good?" Dr. Snow said once again because the first time no one was listening, and the second time well…okay no one was really listen. We all got the point though.

I walked over to a corner and sat down, I reached into my pocket, took my ipod. I turned the volume all the way up, I was listening to Situations by Escape the Fate, well looking at the floor. I noticed Paul sit down, he might have said something but I wasn't listening to him and I was trying so hard not to care that he was sitting right beside me, so close that our arms were touching. Man this kid is hot… and not in that way I meant temperature wise…_yea that's it… _

_I love the girls who hate to love because they're just like me.  
A certain girl she took my hand and ran it up her thigh.  
She licked her lips and pulled my hair I fall in love for a night._

She can't behave and I'm just a slave.  
Don't worry I'll be gone when the morning comes.

"Jessica?" Damn he took one of my earphones, now I have to deal with him, he better understand that dealing with him does not mean giving up my music. I put my music on pause and faced him.

"What the fuck Paul?" he looked over and I saw Dr. Snow standing there eyeing me in way that made me just want to piss her off, but sat there with my angel expression.

"Paul, Jessica your topic today will be self harm." She handed Paul a paper and with that she walked away, bitch never liked me any way. I put my headphone back in well Paul looked for some loose leaf; I turned the volume all the way up again.

_Darling what is going on?  
Honestly that never happened lying is your favorite passion.  
Leave me go where you belong,  
higher heels and lipstick napkins dying is your latest fashion._

The frustration it's a regular thing  
I hate the ones who love to hate because they're just like me.  
A certain girl she took her hand and put in my lap  
its way too full she said once you have me you'll always come back

"Once again Paul…What the fuck?" He really had to stop taking my headphones, and then he took my ipod and turned it off, he was just asking for me to be Ms. Bitchy today.

He looked at me and raised an eyebrow, "So we might want to get started, you know so we finish on time." I just nodded, I didn't feel like talking to him all I did was glare, "Ok then, so the first thing we need to include would be if we have ever harmed ourselves on purpose. For me the answer is no, and for you….?"

During his boring talking I decided to turn my music on again, there was no way I was telling him I cut myself on occasion, and there was still a couple of scars on my arm. I could see his lips moving but there was no way I could hear the noise coming out.

_You know you love all the lies so don't act surprised that I just  
Love to hate you._

I kissed your lips you pulled my hair it was the craziest thing. I  
Love the girls who love to hate. (Breathing)

(Whoa!) Darling what is going on?  
Honestly that never happened  
Lying is your favorite passion  
Leave me go where you belong  
higher heels and lipstick napkins dying is your latest fashion

This time he grabbed my hand that was holding my ipod and unplugged the headphones, then took the whole ipod! He tried to take the headphones but they were up my selves, so he started to roll up my selves when he stopped and his eyes went big.

Shit!! That was the arm with the scars!! DAMN! "Jess? What are these?" I couldn't answer so I got up, took my ipod and headphones, and then sprinted to the door and outside. Once out there I plugged my ipod back into my headphones then I turned up Going under by Evanescence.

_Now I will tell you what I've done for you -  
50 thousand tears I've cried.  
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you -  
And you still won't hear me.  
(Going under)  
Don't want your hand this time - I'll save myself.  
Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once)  
Not tormented daily defeated by you  
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom_

I looked into my bag and thank god I found my last joint! I quickly smoked up on the way home, I was going to need to be in this frame of mind, and you see I have to go to work today! Can't wait! I got home quickly, grabbed my song book and my dress, yea I know I had to wear a dress and a tiara and luckily my favorite shoes! **(Picture on profile)**

**Please review!!! please please plea review!**


	7. Giants on the sidewalk!

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight....  
Thank you to those of you who reviewed and thank you to WolfGirl-Addie for being my beta!**

"You must be Jessica." That would be my new boss; the guy has to be like, 60! God, if that isn't creepy I don't know what is!! Oh well, I just nodded, "Ok then, you can go out there and do your thing, just make sure you sing music the girls can strip to." Ok EWWW!!! I nodded and rolled my eyes. I walk over to the small stage that was set up right beside the poles, never thought I would be working in a place where there is pole dancing….another thing to add to my, 'Never thought this would Happen' list!

"Welcome everyone; we hope you enjoy your night!" Okay they weren't going to draw attention to me! "And today, singing, we have Jessica Hiltz!" I so jinxed that! Everyone is looking at me, I can feel my face start to burn, and I look around room. Man, they are a lot of creepy old men here!

I sang my songs and left as quickly as possible. All the weird old men were scaring me a bit. I had to walk home since my sister couldn't come get me. I took out my ipod and turned the volume all the way up. I had to get back to the school, I was going to make a buy; I had no joints left. My normal dealer was out of town, so I had to buy from some kid he gave his stash to, the kids name was Collin.

_I want a girl with lips like morphine,  
Knock me out every time they touch me.  
I wanna feel a kiss just crush me,  
And break me down. _

_Knock me out (knock me out)  
Knock me out (knock me out).  
Cause I've waited for all my life  
to be here with you tonight. (Aaaah, aaahh)_

I was walking while looking at the ground, when next thing I know I am on the ground. Damn, did I run into a wall or something? I looked up to see Embry and Quil standing on the side walk, they are so big they take up the whole sidewalk! They were both glaring at me, why they were I have no idea.

"What the fuck is your problem! You can't just stand in the middle of the fucking sidewalk!! You are too huge and take up the whole damn thing! I mean, it isn't nice to knock over random people! And stop fucking glaring at me! You are the ones that knocked me over! God, are really that- AHHH!" Embry reached down and pulled me up onto my feet, cutting off my rant.

"Damn girl, do you ever shut up?!?" Quil is great at being nice, he should get an award, and yes I am being sarcastic! "And you are the one causing the damn fucking problem!" Now he was yelling in my face, not he best way to talk to me. I just rolled my eyes and tried to walk around them, key word _tried_.

Embry grabbed my arm and took me to a bench that was almost in the middle of the park beside us. They'd better hurry, I have to go! "Please Jessica; we just want to talk to you. We're not trying to be mean," he threw a glance at Quil. "We just want to get to know you."

"What a load of bullshit! What bet did you dumb asses lose?" I was already in a bad mood and they just made it _ten_ times worse! There was no way I was holding back my insults today.

"We didn't lose any bets; we just wanted to talk to you about what happened today in group therapy, with Paul." Why in the world would they care!

Whatever I wasn't going to talk about this, plus if I learned one thing; don't keep a dealer waiting. "Whatever, it is none of your business! Now I am leaving, and if you follow, trust me, I will be screaming 'rape!', and I will tell everyone in group that you raped me tomorrow!" With that I left them sitting there looking stunned.

**Please read and review! And Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone!!**


	8. You don’t have to

**Sorry it took me so long. And thanks to the people who took time to review the last chapter! Thank you!  
Disclaimer: I still do not own twilight! Or any of the songs that are going to be used in this chapter!**

Neither of them followed me, which, I was very grateful for. My dealer fill-in was waiting for me just two blocks away. I was supposed to have been there five minutes ago! God, he'd better be waiting for me and I don't doubt that he is. From the way my dealer was talking this kid was a first timer and was probably scared of me, which could work to my advantage.

_So here's another day  
I'll spend away from you  
Another night  
I'm running  
Another broken avenue  
My bag is ripped and worn  
But then again that's all i..  
Take what you wanna take  
__what you wanna take  
what you... _

_  
I miss the stupid things  
we'd go to sleep and then  
you'd wake me up and kick me out of bed at 3 am  
Pick up the phone and hear you saying dirty things to me_

"WHAT THE FUCK COLLIN! ARE MOTHER FUCKING SERIOUS! YOU KNOW WHAT KINDA SHIT THIS FUCKING STUFF CAN GET YOU INTO! DAMN IT COLLIN" Well some one had some anger issues, but the name Collin sounded familiar… Oh! Collin is my fill in dealer! That guy can yelling can yell and, I still have my music up pretty high and I can hear him clear as crystal. I walked around the corner and stopped just behind a wall where I could wait for them to stop yelling with out them being able to see me. I sat down on the ground and turned up my music as loud as it goes.

_Do what you wanna do  
what you wanna do  
what you..._

_Take me with you  
I start to miss you  
Take me home  
I don't wanna be alone tonight_

_And i hate to want to show you  
I will run to you to you till i  
Can't stand on my own anymore  
I cross my heart and hope to die  
Cross my heart and hope to die  
Cross my heart and hope to.._

_Times are all the same  
You're still away from me  
Another day  
Another dollar that I'll never see  
Gonna get the pieces  
The pieces  
Pieces of something good  
Lie just a little lie  
Just a little lie  
Just a.._

I sat there for a good five minutes, when i decided to check and see if they were done. I peeked around the corner and had to stop myself from gasping out loud. Turns out, Paul was the one yelling at Collin! He seems to be done yelling but he is still talking to him, he has the whole finger waging in the face thing going too. Looks like I still have to wait, there was no way I was going out there to face Paul while buying my drugs. Last thing I needed was Paul telling Dr. Snow about my little habit.

_I wonder what your doing  
I wonder if your daddy's home  
I wonder how we ever used to go so long without it  
I don't know where to go  
I'm going back to you  
Be where i ought to be  
Where i ought to be  
Where i.._

_Take me with you  
I start to miss you  
Take me home  
I don't wanna be alone tonight_

_And i hate to want to show you  
I will run to you to you till i  
Can't stand on my own anymore  
I cross my heart and hope to die_

I peeked again, but Paul was stilling talking to Collin. I wish he would hurry up I am getting a little antsy, but it wasn't bad enough I was going to risk Paul see me make a buy.

_Take me with you  
I start to miss you  
Take me with you  
I start to miss you  
Take me with you  
I start to miss you  
Take me with you  
I start to miss you  
Take me with you  
I start to miss you  
Take me with you  
I start to miss you  
Take me with you  
I start to miss you  
Take me with you  
I start to miss you  
Take me with you  
I start to miss you_

_Take me home  
I don't wanna be alone tonight_

_And i hate to want to show you  
I will run to you to you till i  
Can't stand on my own anymore  
I cross my heart and hope to die_

_And i hate to want to show you  
I will run to you to you till i  
Can't stand on my own anymore  
I cross my heart and hope to die_

I looked around the corner once again and Paul was gone! Thank god! I took out my headphones and turned off my ipod, putting both in my pocket. I stood up brushing off my slipknot t-shirt and my black skinny jeans. I made my way over to the kid looking at the ground.

"Hey" He looked up with a very sad expression, stupid Paul.

"Guessing your Collin?" he nodded slowly, "Well I am Jessica and looks like I am your next buyer." Slowly a smile spread onto his face.

"Sounds right to me, so it says here you are down for about half an ounce?" he seemed pretty confidante. I nodded; it was enough to get me though awhile, "Ok well then you owe me one $178"

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a big bundle of bills, I counted it again just to make sure it was enough, lucky me it was. Shaun should know better then to leave money lying about the house. I held out the money and he reached over and took it, then reached into his bag and pulled out a bag.

Just by looking I can tell this is some good shit! I reached out and took it but I dropped it. I bent down to pick it up but a brown hand beat me there and didn't give me the chance to retrieve my goods. I stood up to look this guy up and down; if he was smart he would give me back my weed.

When I looked up I was confused to see Embry, he was looking pretty much the same me, very confused, he looked between me and the huge package of weed he held, over and over again.

"Jess?" his voice was unsure, but there was no way to get out of this one.

"Yea Embry it is me. Ok and it would be every helpful if you gave me back my weed." I tried to sound as if I didn't care but it was becoming hard. Damn these boys and their stupid caring.

"Two questions first… how long? And why?" I was unsure how to answer him on that. I wanted to tell him that this has been going on for longer then he could imagine and that I did it because it was my only out. There was one reason I didn't want to say that out loud and I hated that reason so much. Paul. He was the reason.

"For… Well for some time… And as for the why…. Just because it helps and I can." There was no way that would be a good enough answer for him or for Paul when he found out. "Look I am more messed up then you can comprehend and people in general piss me off. So what if I over dose, maybe it would end up better if I did!" that last part was harsh but I need him off my back.

Shock was written all over his face, then for some reason hurt crossed his face and it only took one sentence for me to understand why.

"What do I tell…Paul?" his question was practically rhetorical because he knew I had no answer.

"You don't have to." Paul's voice filled the silence; it was my turn for shock.

**Please take some time and let me know what you think, no matter if it is bad or good either way i would love to know! The more reviews i get the faster i will try and post the next chapter! And Happy New Year Everyone!  
Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	9. Busted or Maybe Not

**Disclaimer: I do now own twilight... and never will... o well...  
Thanks to everyone who reviewed! and Thanks to my Beta Wolf-Girl Addie!**

"Jake? Are you out here?" Embry yelled across the backyard towards the small thing that looked like some sort of shed/garage. He didn't wait for an answer and just walking towards it. He didn't bother looking at me because he knew I was some where between mad and very thankful. He had no idea how much I would love to punch him and hug him at the same time. At the moment, he was my personal angel, though I would never say it out loud.

I was thankful, because of what happened, when Paul came while I was buying my new stash. He went beyond what I could ever ask of anyone, he acted like a true friend, something I haven't had in a long time. You see it went something like this;

-

"_You don't have to." Paul's voice filled the silence; it was my turn to be shocked. I didn't want to turn around to look at him, for the first time in years I felt really ashamed of my self, and better yet, I had no idea why. Embry still had my package in his hand, and he was looking just as shocked as I was, but he also looked like he was thinking pretty hard. _

_I let out a shaky sigh and turned around to face Paul, I found two things I didn't expect, one being that behind Paul was a really huge man that I didn't know, and second would be that Paul did look angry but he wasn't glaring at me, he was glaring at Embry. I opened my mouth to start explaining but the huge guy beat me to it._

"_Collin!! Let's go! You are in such trouble; I can't even begin to explain! You have no idea how disappointed I am in you! Everyone thought you were a good kid and here you are selling weed! We are going to go back to my house and then you are going to explain this all to Emily! Yea, you better look scared! Come on!" He walked over to the now frightened looking Collin, grabbed his arm and pulled him aside and started to yell at him more, then he left him sitting on the ground while the huge guy walked back over._

_Once again I tried to explain everything to Paul, but of course Embry beat me to it as well! "Paul I am sorry…" I didn't want Embry to feel bad, this was my mess, when he finished saying sorry I was going to explain to Paul, "Look man, I know it is wrong and it is stupid but-" thanks for calling me stupid, and where is he going with this? "-Paul, she tried to stop me and I didn't listen. She was right though and-" ok back up. I tried to stop what? "-It is my weed." … what? … Ok once again; what? "Look man Jess was walking by when she saw me and Collin out here and to say the least she was pissed that I was so stupid! I am so sorry for everything." I was mad at him for taking the blame but at the same time I was thankful, there was no way I was ready to face Paul about this. _

_Paul looked between me and Embry a couple of times, you could tell he was trying to piece it together, and then stopped and just looked me right in the eye. I put on my best innocent expression and tried to fool him. He seemed to buy it, "Jess I am sorry you had to see this. Embry! Seriously!?! What the fuck dude!!! Are you really that God damn stupid!?! I mean come on!!" Paul walked over to him while yelling smacked him up side the head, Embry didn't even flinch, and it looked like Paul had hit him pretty hard too, that's weird because most guys would have at least moved. Embry didn't even make a move to hit him back either, he just stood there and took it. If that was me, I would have kicked him right in the balls and made sure when I was though with him, he knew to never smack me again, but Embry did move an inch. _

_By then the huge guy came back over to ask what was going on, Paul informed him about Embry and the huge guy got angry all over again. He looked at Embry, then at me, then more yelling, "EMBRY! Damn it!!! I thought I was dealing with some good kids, but, boy was I wrong!! First Collin selling weed then you being stupid enough to buy some!! Really! You two are in so much trouble!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! You seemed to have actually have had some brain cells in that head before this pity little stung. Now I'm just not so sure anymore. What about your mother, Embry? Embry, when she finds out, I don't even want to know what the hell she will do. If she kicks you out, you sure as hell aren't living with me. Even though Emily will probably let you that is not the point here! So stop being idiots!! " Well that was fun, I hate yelling, and no matter who is yelling or who is being yelled at! Collin was looking over here now, only him and Embry knew that it was really me buying the weed. I winked at him, hoping he would play along; he nodded and seemed to understand. The yelling had stopped and now everyone was just looking at each other. The huge guy – I really need to learn his name – broke the silence, "Paul can you take Collin back to my house? I'll deal with our druggie here." Paul looked at Collin then for some reason over at me and nodded. He grabbed Collin's arm and waved to me before he started to drag Collin away. _

"_Sam, I am sorry!" Embry looked so sad, I almost told this Sam guy – yes I heard his name – That I was the one who got the weed, I said _almost_. I do feel really bad though, which never happens to me, this is kinda strange._

"_Embry, Paul may have bought that story but I know what really went down, I am proud of you for protecting Jessica that way but that doesn't mean it wasn't wrong." This guy had official confused me beyond believe. If he knew then what was with the yelling?_

_I hadn't said much yet, so I decided it was time to talk, "Umm ok, random guy? If you knew, what was with all the fucking yelling?" He seemed surprised that I had sworn; I just raised an eyebrow in a questioning manner. _

"_That was for Paul, I know it would hurt him to find out you were stupid enough to buy weed! And it is a lot for a first timer!" By the end of that sentence I was almost on the ground laughing, I had to hold onto Embry's should so I didn't fall over. He thought this was my first time, man he wishes. _

_He was looking at me with a very confused expression, I would respond but I was laughing way to hard, so Embry took the liberty to answer for me, "Sam, this most defiantly is not her first time." Well to say the least Sam was surprised._

"_Well that if that isn't just fan-freaking-tastic. Paul can not know, at least not yet. Embry, you two can go, but I want you to keep an eye on her until I make sure Paul is clueless. We will talk about keeping this a secret later. Unless of course, Jessica, you would like to tell him?" _

_The last part was directed at me, there was no way in hell I was going to tell Paul about my little habit. I shook my head no and Embry put his arm around my shoulders and started to walk away from Sam. Normally I would have pushed his arm off but right now I liked how it showed he cared, plus I was in need of some comfort. _

_-_

You may wonder why I would be scared to tell him. It is just that for some stupid reason I care about him and I don't want to lose him. I know he would run the other way if he knew I was a druggy. So Embry dragged me here, to Jake's house, or at least his little garage-ish thing. When we reached the entrance, Jake and Quil –who were both inside- looked up and shock flashed across their faces when they saw me, I bet I was a sight to see.

If I looked anything like what I felt, I sure as hell looked confused, grateful, scared, mad, and well every other emotion you can imagine. I felt really close to Embry; like I could tell him everything and he wouldn't turn his back on me. I felt all most the same about Jake, but I haven't said much to Quil yet so I am not sure about him. I was thinking about actually taking off my tough girl mask, and talking to them as just me, something I haven't done in a very long time. I guess i have to let some one in at some point and right now they look like the best choice.

They were both staring at me still so I waved and looked over at Embry; he was looking at the guys with a look on his face telling them to be nice. Quil caught on pretty quick; he stood up and walked from behind the car they seemed to be working on. He walked over to and smiled at me, "Hey Jake," I smiled at him, and he seemed to understand after that, though he didn't stand up, he said hi and told me to come on in. I walked over to a small bench on the side of the garage - that is what I have decided it is; mostly because of the car – Embry followed and sat down beside me.

We stayed in silence for a couple of minutes before Jake asked what was going on. I looked at Embry hoping he would see I was in no mood to explain it. Luckily he did and told them the whole story from when he found me buying. It was harder to listening from his point of view than I thought it would have been. Though his eyes my pain was easier to see then I thought it was, and also I was surprised at how much he cared about me. I felt really warm inside not that was not because of these boys really warm temperature – which now that I think of it, is really weird - I felt warm because I felt like maybe they cared. When Embry finished, I was over my anger with him, because I can see he did it because he cares about me and about Paul. Though I still don't see how Paul was stupid enough to buy the bullshit Embry was feeding him, but it worked.

Everything was going great, we all just talked while Jake and Quil worked on the car, found out the car was a 'Volkswagen Rabbit' and Jake had built it from scratch. I was having so much fun; I was actually being me, the person I though I had locked away for good. She was coming out, and it turns out she isn't that bad. Like I said everything was going great until, Jake asked me to get him a soda, and as I reached for it, my sleeve moved down to reveal my scars.

I wouldn't have noticed until I heard Quil gasp, I look over to see all of staring at my arm. They all looked scared; I had known this was way too good to be true...

**Please review and let me know what you think about the story so far! I am writting the next chapter right now, so it will be posted as soon as i finish with it! Once again Please, Please review! Thanks to everyone and have an awesome new year!  
Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	10. Stupid as can be

**Disclaimer: I don't now own anything twilight realated, though i would like to...  
Thanks to everyone who reviewed! And thanks to my Beta Wolf-Girl Addie!**

**Paul's POV**

I dragged Collin by the arm along side the road, today would have been a good day to bring my car with me. The again, people wouldn't have been able to see the giant sign I made and stuck on him. It said "STUPID AS CAN BE"; I found a pen in my pocket and some old cardboard on the side of the road and decided I might as well get a laugh out of this.

He deserved to have people laugh at him; I mean who in their right mind agrees to fill in for a drug dealer? As if that wasn't bad enough on its own, then he goes and sells drugs to Embry! Those two are getting to good at blocking their own thoughts because I was on patrol with both of them yesterday and none of this even came up! I still can't believe Embry, how long has he been doing this without anyone knowing?

Besides my wondering about him, I am mad at him! He should have told Jessica to leave the minute she got there; I don't want her anywhere near drugs! Though I am proud of my little angel, for trying to stop him, she does have a soft side even though she doesn't let it out often.

"Paul can you please take this sign off of me now?" Collins whiny voice burst into my thought. That is like the 20th time he has asked me that since I stuck it on him!

"No! You were stupid enough to do what you did, so now the world gets to know! And for god sakes stop asking, because the answer is not going to change!" I had stopped yelling at him a little while ago, he seemed too responded to talking more then anything.

"Fine… good thing we are almost to Emily's." He was right, in about 5 more minutes we'll get there.

It took about 30 minutes there and back. I had walked there the first time just to clear my head, but I caught his scent and followed it to find him in all of his stupid glory. I yelled at him for a good 5 minutes before walking off to phase and tell Sam about what just happened, Sam ran here as fast as he could he was so mad! When Sam and I went we found Jessica standing next to a very shocked Embry, who happened to be holding a pretty big bag of weed. Embry had told me that he was one who had bought the weed from the ever stupid Collin, so turns out we have two stupid werewolves today, all in one place.

As we walk up the steps to Sam's house, I can already smell the muffins Emily made; to bad she will be too pissed to let me eat any. I opened the door and called for Emily to come over, I pushed Collin down on the nearest couch and waited. Emily came in only a minute after I called her in. Collin wouldn't look up from the floor as she walked in, her happy face soon faded as she sensed something was wrong.

"Is everyone ok? Is Sam ok? Are you Ok? What is going on?" She started to fire questions at me. I had to walk over and put a finger on her lips.

"Shh… Emily everyone is fine, at least for now. Collin here has done something pretty stupid though and I think he would like to share with you." She looked confused, but turned to look at Collin, who was still looking at the floor. She walked over and sat down next to him.

"Collin, what's wrong?" She asked as she placed a hand on his shoulder. As mean as it may sound; I couldn't wait to see what she did to him when he told her.

He never looked up but I heard him let out a long sigh, "Wellthisguyaskedmetofllinforhimsellingdrudsandisaidyesbutduringthedealpaulcameandtoldsamandtheyyelledatme!" he said that really fast, I didn't even catch half of that.

Emily didn't either, "Collin what? Please say it again but slower." She was watching him with careful eyes now, not sure what to think about what she was about to hear.

"Okay fine, this guy I know asked me to fill in for him and I said yes." That is not the whole story but it is a start.

"I don't see the problem with that?" She looked over at me now, her eyebrows pushed together in a look of confusing.

"Collin isn't telling you the job he filled in for." I looked over him; he just glared at me, and then resumed looking at the carpet.

"Fine ok well the guy is kinda… well he…you see he gives people…he…" He took a huge breathe and looked more nervous then before, "Well… he deals weed" He said it faster then normal but by the look on Emily's face she caught it that time. She was beyond shocked, she just sat there motionless, her mouth open but no words coming out.

After a good five minutes she shook her, "Collin...." she used one of those disbelieving and disapproving voices. "Why in the world would you do that?" The sadness in her eyes was plain to see, she was hurt by what he did.

"I don't know." He voice was low and barley above a whisper, "I guess I was just… I wanted to know what it was like…I was tried of being me…" He sounded really low, and Emily looked as if her heart was breaking.

"Collin, sweetheart, if that is how you felt you could have just talked to me or someone, rather then doing something stupid like you did! What if a police officer had found you instead of Paul? You would be in more trouble than you are now, and that would be heart breaking." She was rubbing his back now, and his face seemed to harden, he was not one to take people's sympathy, "Collin, I feel bad for not noticing any of this before! I should have known!"

Collin stood up; he was shaking now and was backing up towards the door. "Emily it is NOT your fault!" He yelled as he headed out the door.

Emily just looked at me with tears in her eyes, "You should go after him, try and calm him down." Seeing the tears fall over her scared face was creating a lump in my throat, stupid Collin. I nodded and headed out the door, I stripped quickly and phased.

Collin was thinking though the day and he was on the part about him dealing, just after I finished yelling at him and had walked away. Some one walked up to him and made a buy but when they turned, I almost passed out.

It wasn't Embry's face I saw in his mind…  
It was Jessica…!

**Please review and tell me what you think! Should i write more in Paul's POV in the next chapter?! Let me know what you think!  
Swimming Cutie xox**


	11. I believed them

**Disclaimer: i still do not own twilight...deep sigh...  
Thank you to everyone who reviewed and thank you to my Beta!**

**_Pauls' POV  
_**"Paul? Would you please sit down now? Walking around the room is doing nothing but making it hard to concentrate. I am aware of the fact that the situation you are currently in, is stressful, even though you refuse to tell me about this situation_ is_. You need to calm down and _think_." Sam has been trying to calm me down for the last hour, but nothing can seem to break though the wall I have built in my mind.

'_She lied. _

_He lied. _

_They all knew. _

_They lied to me._

_And I believed them._

_She is hurting herself and I can't help._

_He knew what she was doing and didn't tell me._

_Maybe she didn't want me to know._

_Maybe she just doesn't want me._

_Maybe this is a lost cause._

_It might as well be._

_What to do?_

_She lied._

_He lied.'_

I have been saying that over and over again in my head, there is no way I can make it make any sense. All three of them knew the truth and they just let me in the dark, Embry didn't even tell Sam it was a lie. Sam was really mad at him, why would he take the punishment Sam has for him if he didn't do it. Embry can _not_ care for her more than _me_! _I'm_ supposed to be the one protecting her, and here _he_ is acting like her savoir!

I haven't told Sam that the whole thing was like a fake, that I now knew a lot more about what Jessica does in her spare time. It was hurting me more then you can believe, to know that, the girl I would die for, is dying and leaving me behind. She is my world, and I want her to be happy. She on the other hand doesn't care about me or about _herself_.

I would_ love_ to be the reason she stops, I want to tell her that I know and I can help her, but I don't have the guts. What if I tell her and she gets mad and stops talking to me, what would I do _then_?

"PAUL!" Sam was yelling now, I must have been tuning him out for some time, "Sit your ass down and talk to me!!" His face was showing his annoyance, at the fact that I had been ignoring what he must have thought was very wise advice.

I might as well tell him, he will find out soon enough, "Sam, you how today we found that Collin was selling drugs and Embry was buying them?" He face was blank now; he gave one stiff nod, "Well when Collin was over and Emily was talking to him, he got mad then he kinda phased and -"

Sam face was beyond mad now, "Did he hurt her?" He hissed at me, great he got the wrong idea and he interrupted my story!

"No Sam, she is fine! God," His face returned back to the emotionless stone it was before, now he was just listening now, not judging.

"Anyway, he got mad because he didn't want Emily's sympathy, so he _left_ and phased to blow off some steam. Emily told me to go check and make sure he was ok, so I went _outside _and phased," I was emphasizing the words like left and outside to remind him we had left before phasing, "When I saw his thoughts, he was thinking about the bust, and just after I finished yelling at him, and went to find you. He was thinking about the person who had made a buy before we got there. We were told that person was Embry, but… the face I saw…wasn't him…" I had to take a deep breathe, this was just being back the pain of being unwanted, and not trusted, "Sam, it wasn't Embry who had made the buy it was…Jessica."

Sam's face didn't even flinch; he just sat there, not moving a muscle. He knew! He had known and hadn't told me! _Fuck_, I am so slow!! He figured it out, and honestly it wasn't that hard. They story they told us was so stupid; a blind person could see though the lies!! "You knew! And never told me! This is fucking unbelievable!" I finally sat down in a chair on the opposite side of the room from him. The whole fucking world knew but me! This sucks.

"Paul, we agreed that telling you would be a bad idea for this reason right here, it has hurt you! I knew this would happen, but can you blame me?" I thought about it and finally decided that he was only looking out for me, so I nodded a no, "Good, now are you going to tell her you know?"

I had no answer for that. I was stuck…

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sam and I talked for over two hours about what I could do, and we came to the conclusion that if she had wanted me to know about the drugs she would have told me. So I decided to keep my mouth shut and let her tell me when she was ready, and I was hoping that is soon.

I was now walking towards Jake's house, hoping to find Embry there and tell him that I know. I knew if he was anywhere it would be with Jake and Quil in their little somewhat garage, "Hey guys you out there?" I yelled towards the small garage, it was only about 20 feet away. No real need to yell, they would have heard me anyways.

"Yea, we are out here Paul." Jake yelled back and I could hear Quil and Embry in the background, they were all there. I walked faster, taking longer steps and I made it there in less then one minute. When I looked inside Jake was under his car, Quil and Embry were sited on a bench off to the side.

I walked over to Embry and looked him straight in the eye, "Embry, I know you lied, and I know that Jessica was the one who bought the weed not you." His eye grew wide, and just looked at me.

"Paul, I was just trying to do what was ri-" he was cut off when my fist made contact with the side of his face.

**Review! Also just for any one that is confused, i know last time Jessica was in the garage with Embry, Quil and Jake, i didn't forget. You will have to read the next chapter to find out how that fits in, and does any one have any ideas about whose POV it should be in? Review please!  
****Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	12. The reasons are gone

**Disclaimer:**** I am in no way Stephenie Meyer, but a girl who likes to torture and twist her characters and plots for purely entertainment purposes...**

**Warning:**** Language, the girl's got trust issues...**

_Recap:_

_Like I said everything was going great until, Jake asked me to get him a soda, and as I reached for it, my sleeve moved down to reveal my scars. _

_I wouldn't have noticed until I heard Quil gasp, I look over to see all of staring at my arm. They all looked scared; I had known this was too good to be true..._

**Jessica's POV**

I was looking down at the ground, unmoving; I had been, for over five minutes and none of them seemed to have moved either. I didn't know what to say them, or what they wanted to say to me. I didn't want to be here, this was one of those times I wish I could just disappear. Maybe then I wouldn't have to go though the pain of losing people who could have easily been my friends.

I hate this.

I hate all of it.

I hate myself.

"Jessica?" Embry's shaky voice filled the silent air; I slowly brought my head to look at his worried face. He wasn't looking at me though, he was looking over at Jake and Quil, but neither of them was looking anywhere but at the ground. Fuck this!

"Alright, I am done with this silence!" I was close to snapping, there was no way I wanted to hold off the pain any longer and you could hear it in my voice, "If you guys don't want to be near me I understand, but at least tell me! I can't sit here in silence anymore waiting for one of you to tell me that I scare you and that you want nothing to do with me!" By the time I finished I had to fight back my tears, though no one said anything.

This was pissing me off! "Would some one _fucking_ say something?" Still silence, fine I would just sit here and wait. Another ten minutes passed, I was getting bored out of my mind and I was way too antsy. I wonder where Embry put that weed. I could really use some of that right about now, it might help.

I was getting beyond bored, I reached into my purse and took out my song book and a pen, and I decided to write about not telling Paul the truth. It was really eating away at me; I had to let it out some how. I thought about everything from him being there, to lying to him and I just let it flow.

_I kept my mouth shut from the start  
I guess I left you in the dark  
You thought you knew me but you don't  
They say you care but you wont  
When you find out who I am_

I kept my mouth shut for too long  
All this time you got me wrong  
Now we're in this way too far  
I'm about to break your trust  
Tear everything we had apart

'Cause I'm feeling lost  
When I'm up high  
The reasons are gone  
For why I was holding on  
I tried so hard  
To be the one  
I don't like who I've become

"Jessica?" Embry once again tried to talk but it seemed to be hard for him. His face was scrunched up, "look, you don't scare me,but I'm… worried about you…we all are." His voice seemed so sincere, like he meant what he was saying.

I put my song book on the floor beside me and looked him right in the eyes; I was searching for some truth to the words that he had said. I found nothing but concern. I was lost, I had no idea what to feel, but I was ahead of myself. Only Embry had spoken his mind, Jake and Quil could easily just get up and ran away form me. Embry seemed to have noticed this as well because he looked over at them, they both nodded.

"Jess, we are here for you, and you don't have to explain until you are ready." Jake said in the most caring voice I ever heard besides Embry's, as he finished he got up and walked over to me. I felt myself go rigid, he was to close. The only time anyone got that close was when…well when it was _him_. Jake bent down and hugged me, it felt strange at first but I quickly welcomed the contact and hugged him back. He walked back over to his bench and looked at Quil.

"I am sorry for not talking sooner; it just came as a shock. Jessica you are very special to all of us and I know it may not seem like it but we all care a lot about you." Quil walked over to hug me as well; I didn't expect this from any of them. I felt a smile spread across my face, and as it got bigger and bigger I felt like I was happy for the first time in a long time!

I decided to try and avoid the subject of my cuts and bruise but asking them if they wanted some soda or something, since I never actually got around to passing Jake his soda. "Umm did you guys still want that soda? I can get you some." They all nodded, I was very grateful that none of them wanted to talk about it.

I reached behind me again, but this time with my non scared arm, and open the cupboard looking for soda. The cupboard was empty though, no soda in sight, "Hey Jake, there's no soda up here?" He looked up from his car and told me that he would go get some from the house, but I wasn't letting him do that, "Jake, I'll go. Just tell me where." I needed sometime alone think anyways.

He said they were in the house, beside the fridge; I nodded, grabbed my purse and left them there to think about what had just happened. I walked across the lawn towards Jake's small house, the ground was very uneven so it took a lot of effort not to fall or twist an ankle.

I made it up the steps to the back door and opened it slowly, I never thought about what I would do if his father was home, that would be somewhat awkward. "Hello?" I called out before taking a step into the house. No answer. One awkward moment avoided, I walked slowly into the kitchen, and it wasn't hard to find in a small house like this.

I found the soda really easily but I didn't feel like going back yet so I took out my song book and pen again, deciding to finish the song I started early. I read though what I had and just started humming the tune to myself well I continued to right.

_Won't keep my mouth shut anymore  
I've had my share of closing doors  
Now I know I'm not afraid  
I know exactly what you'll say  
But I'm sorry it's too late_

'Cause I'm feeling lost  
When I'm up high  
The reasons are gone  
For why I was holding on  
I tried so hard  
To be the one  
I don't like who I've become

Yeah yeah, yeah yeah  
(I kept inside of me for all this time)  
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah  
(Thought that I could make it work if I just tried)  
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah  
(But I'm sorry to admit that I have lived a lie)

_'Cause I'm feeling lost  
When I'm up high  
The reasons are gone  
For why I was holding on  
I tried so hard  
To be the one  
I don't like who I've become_

I kept my mouth shut for too long  
Now I know that it was wrong

I wish I told you from the start  
That this was never meant to last  
It should never gone this far

Won't keep my mouth shut anymore

I really liked that song; I think I will play it at the club tomorrow. I just have to figure out the chords on my guitar that match it, shouldn't be too hard. I put my pen and book away, I looked over at the clock, I had been in here for 20 minutes, when I write I tend to tune everything else out. I grabbed the soda and made my way back out to the shed, once again watching the ground, so I don't trip.

My concentration was broking by the noise coming from the garage; I think I heard the word weed and my name, but I am not sure. I was just outside of it and I looked inside to find Paul there.

"Paul, I was just trying to do what was ri-" Embry was cut off when Paul's fist made contact with the side of his face.

I dropped all the soda on the floor when my hands went to cover my mouth as I gasped.

**Paul's POV**

I punch Embry but froze when I heard something hit the floor and then some one gasped. I turned away from Embry's now bloody nose to find the one person that I wish didn't see that.

Jessica was standing there, hands over her open mouth. Eyes wide in shock, but that soon turned into confusion. After the confusion came the disbelieving and anger.

"What the fuck _Paul_!" Damn, that girl has a set of lungs on her, and is she ever mad. She walked right past me, straight for Embry. She bent down and started to look at the wound I had just given him, she worked quickly wiping up all the blood she could with her shirt.

I stood there, useless, I wanted to say sorry but I was scared to talk to her right now. What if she had heard what I just said, would she be mad? "Embry, tilt your head back to stop the bleeding." Only her voice could break though my wall of panic, her expression was between panic and hurt, and I had caused it...

**Please Review! I would all so like to hear some of what you think should happen. I am hitting some writer's block and am in need of help! Thank you for reading!  
Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	13. All his anger

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight!  
Thank you to everyone who reviewd and thank you to my beta Wolf-Girl Addie!**

**Paul's POV**

"Embry don't move you will start bleeding aging." All four of them were sitting on a couch in Jake's house; well I just leaned up against the far wall. Jess had managed to patch Embry all up, not that it mattered he would be all healed by tomorrow, but she didn't know that. She just finished fixing up his nose that I some how manage to make on look disconnected; I don't remember hitting him that hard, but who knows.

Jake had called Sam not to long ago so he should be here soon, hopefully he won't be to mad. First he has to deal with Collin, then Embry and now me; he is going to be so pissed off. Embry was trying to act like he was still in pain though we knew –expect jess - that was all fake, he probably felt fine by now.

I can't say I felt bad for hitting him because I didn't, in fact if Jessica hadn't shown up he would be in worse shape than he is now. I am happy she did show up though because if she hadn't and she had found him later, I would feel a million times worse. Even though right now it doesn't seem possible to feel worse about causing that look in her eyes, pure disbelieve, disappointment, and of course hurt and pain. Seems all like I do is cause her pain in some way or another, god I am so bad with this imprinting stuff!

"Paul you are coming with me. NOW!" Looks like Sam made it, and brought all his anger with him too. Oh, joy.

I rolled my eyes but proceeded to walk towards the door with Sam hot on my trail. I didn't really feel like explaining my reason to him, all I felt like doing was curling up in a ball and moping over how much I suck. And let me tell you, right now I am far beyond sucking any worse then I ever have. Worse than when I cheated on some girl with her twin sister, worse than when a girl asked me out and I told her I don't date ugly socially challenged people. I have done my fair share of stupid, mean and inconsiderate things but this tops it all. I hurt one the person that matters. Shit!

"Paul! What has gotten into you?!?" Sam stopped me; he was in front of me looking right at me like I would just suddenly blurt out the truth.

"Don't hold your breathe." With that I walked away. He didn't following, knowing I would come to him when I was ready to talk.

You would think that I would walk straight home and go curl up under bed or go somewhere where I could punch holes in everything I felt like punching. But no, instead my feet lead me to one place I haven't been in awhile; the bar.

I used to come here when I was upset or just bored, they didn't check my ID, because I could easily pass over around 25. I walked right in like I owned the place because truth is people around here know not to mess with what they call the 'La Push Gang'. I asked the bartender for this strongest drink and he didn't say a word just handed me a glass.

I finished that one and asked for another, and another, and once again another.

I drank until things started to become fuzzy. Unit I couldn't remember my own name, but her name still remained up there. Like it was burned in my head, so I drank more.

Until everything went black…

**Jessica's POV**

I finally got Embry cleaned up, enough that I felt I could leave, I said my good byes and left. I wondered what Sam said to Paul. It couldn't have been good since Paul never came back in to say anything to Embry. I still can't believe he just went and punched Embry! I mean come on, I hadn't really wanted to be his friend before, but now I never would. I can't stand people who hit others; I get enough of that at home as it is.

Speaking home I am headed there right now, I can only hope Shaun is still at work. I was supposed to clean the living room when I got home from group but there was the whole drug thing and I didn't have time to come home. I looked at my watch, grouped ended at one and it was now six, great Shaun usually gets home between 5:30 and 6:30.

I started to run down the now empty street, just listening to the quick tapping noise as my feet made contact with the hard cement. I had to pick up my pace if I even had a chance to get home before him. I ran faster and faster until my house came into view, I couldn't see his car, but then again my sister might have picked him up.

I walked up to the door and opened it slowly, judging if I was safe to enter or not. Not hearing or seeing him I walked in and shut the door, I took off my shoes still being careful not to make much noise.

"JESSICA, I know that is you!!" Shit! He was here and now he knew I was here too! I tried to make a quick dash up the stair to my room, but he beat me to the stairs and sent me flying backwards with a hard punch to the stomach. I landed against a wall; I could feel the pictures above me fall on my head, glass cutting me. "I told you to cleaning the fucking living room! And what do I come home to find?!? A not clean living room! I ask you _one_ FUCKING thing and you can't even do that you filthy _WHORE_!"

He came over to where I landed and kicked me in the face. Things started to get fuzzy and I knew the blackness was soon to follow. After a couple more kicks to my stomach side and everything went black and I was left alone to drift in a sea of black. The pain finally numbing…

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Jessica. You have to get up now." I heard my sister's voice, and I felt her gently shake me awake. I slowly opened one eye, expecting to see the floor of the living room and my own blood that was pooled there. When I got my eye open what I found was my room, I guess she must have moved me last night. I rolled over and got off my bed, I walked over to my mirror to look at the damage.

The girl looking back at me had a pretty good size bruise that went from her left cheek down the side of neck. Nothing that hair couldn't cover, I lifted put my shirt to look at the rest, not to bad only a few baseball sized bruises down my side and on my stomach. Looks like all I will need to some make up and no one will know, I walked over to my closet and grabbed my gray skinny jeans, my grenade rib cage V-neck tee and my green converse. I took my hair down and started to straighten it, and then I fluffed up the top layer. I made sure the bruise was covered by my hair, and put on my make-up. I took one last look at myself and left my room.

I looked down the stairs and listened, hoping Shaun had left for work but I didn't hear anything so I guessed he was gone. I started to walk down the stairs, "Jessica? Is that you?" WHAT? No, it couldn't be! Why was she here?

I turned around only to come face to face with my so called _mother_.

**Sorry about the cliffy, i will try to update as soon as possible. Please review and tell me what you think or really anything at all. Also if you have any ideas about what you belive should happen let me know, i have some ideas but... not sure if they are good or not. Please review! Thank you for reading!**

**Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	14. Clearly nothing

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight!  
Sorry it took me so long to update!! SORRY! Please read and review!!! Thank you to my beta Wolf-Girl Addie!!**

**Jessica's POV**

"Jessica? Hello?" I was in shock, I opened my mouth to answer but no words came out. At least she still knew my name; I thought she would have forgotten by now. My shock turned into anger at the blink of an eye, how dare she come back here after all that she has done. Or should I say hasn't done, like be around, be a mother and be there for her kids!

I turned back around and just walking downs the stairs as if nothing had happened. I walked right into the kitchen, where I found my sister making herself some toast, like me she rarely ate. "You'll never guess who came for a visit." I whispered into her ear and she spun around, with her toast on a plate and looked at me with the question of who written across her face.

"Kristen, is that you, honey?" My _mother's_ voices cut though the silenced air. Kristen's plate slipped from her hand falling to the floor only to shatter with a loud sound.

"Mom…?" Shocked colored her voice, I still hadn't turned around to face my _mother_; instead I was glaring at the kitchen wall.

It was way too early to be dealing with this right now, I run out of the kitchen yelling on my way out the door, "Kristen, I am going to walk today!! I will call when it is over!" I slammed the door on my way out; mostly just take out some of my frustration.

Who does she think she is? Does she really think she can disappear for a year then just comes back and acts like our mother again? Does she think we can just go back to loving her like she never left us alone? I sure as hell can't, I don't know about Kristen but that woman in there doesn't deserve the title of 'mother' anymore.

I took out my ipod and turned my music all the way up hoping to block any thoughts I was having.

_Left your T-shirt in my room, _

_Still smells of you _

_And the picture you hung on the door lay smashed, _

_Picture perfect.  
Explains now, _

_Clearly nothing left but a memory _

_We only made out you never kissed me _

_That's how I learned to hold back all feeling_

Wait,

_Please don't go, I won't stay. _

_All these words on replay._

_I'm ok, It's alright, good to know that your fine._

_Pretending everything is right, _

_To make it better. _

_I'll hide my make up smeared eyes, to show that I'm fine._

I made it to the school, but I had to clear my head before I went in, I didn't want people to know what was going on with me today. I sat down on the closet picnic table I could find and buried my head in between my knees and thought about the happiest memoires I had. I left my music playing loud, hoping if people saw and started talking that I wouldn't hear them.

_Some how you have managed to get under my skin,_

_More than anyone ever did. _

_And if every whole makes a scar _

_And every scar marks its place then _

_I will never live freely without your trace._

_  
And it'll never be fair,_

_I wrote my songs for you and you never even cared.  
So Ill forget you, _

_Ill wash your T-shirt, _

_Kill the pillow and cut you out of pictures_

Wait, please don't go,

_I won't stay. _

_All these words on replay. _

_I'm ok, It's alright, good to know that your fine._

Pretending everything is right,

_To make it better. _

_I'll hide my make up smeared eyes..._

this drama sat shot gun  
my eyes rained like autumn  
only the glove box knows  
how the story goes

now that this bandage is broken and  
the cuts left in open  
ill tell you just one thing  
this wasn't worth the sting

After about ten minutes of sitting there I left some one tap my shoulder, I tried to peek around my knee to see who it was but all I could see was someone's bare russet knee. It had to be Jake, Quil, Embry or Paul; I was hoping that it wasn't the last one. I decided to take my chances and bring my head; the face I found looking down on me was Embry.

I reached up and took out one of my headphones, and raised an eyebrow at him. "Jessica, why are you sitting out here? Why aren't you inside? You must be freezing!" Truth is; I hadn't even noticed the cold until he mentioned it. As for the other questions, I wasn't sure if I could tell him and if I did what would he say? So I just looked down again and waited for him to say something more. "Whatever is bothering you, you can tell me. I wouldn't judge you in anyway. I want you to know you can trust me and that I do care about you."

My eye started to sting, things were getting a little blurry. Great I was starting to cry, but at least it was in front of someone like Embry, I know he cares. I might as well tell him it isn't like he is going to tell everyone plus he might actually be able to help. "My mom came back today." My voice cracked a couple times, the tears just waiting to stream down my face.

He pulled me onto his lap and hugged me close; those tears finally made the jump and started to run down my face taking some of my make up with them. I haven't been hugged like this in a long time, it felt nice and warm. I buried my head into his shoulder and just cried for, who knows, how long.

After I ran out of tears I looked down at my phone, we had to be in school in less than five minutes. I got up and took out a small mirror from my purse and looked at myself, I quickly fixed my make up but I didn't bother putting on more. The person looking back at me looked like the real me; I hadn't seen her for some time now…

**Please review!! Please, Please and Please! I love getting reviews! I will try to update faster this time but i have like 4 exams coming up in a week so i can't promise anything!  
Swimming Cutie xoxo**  
Swimming Cutie xoxo


	15. Most beautiful eyes

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight! Or ever will!  
Sorry it took me soo long, i am in the middle of exams right now. That is no excuse though and please no one kill me! Thank you to my beta Wolf-Girl Addie!!! **

**Jessica POV**

"_You,_" My mom pushed Shaun really hard so that he was pinned against the wall, "I want you gone _now!!_" There was so much venom in her voice it was scaring me. Shaun made no move to leave, instead he inched away from the wall just enough to grab my sister's arm.

He pulled her into his chest and reached into his pocket and took out a gun, he put it to her head in a very threaten manner. I was a good couple feet away from the fight but I was scared stiff but the very though of Kirsten or my mom getting hurt. They were all I had left my family.

"I swear to fucking god Shaun. If you put one damn _mark_ on her, this_ will_ be your last night _ALIVE_!" My mother stayed where she was, the look in her eyes had me more scared because now she was trying to find a way to stop what was going on.

I slowly came back to reality and realized I had to do something. I looked around, nothing that would help was anyway near me, and there was no way in hell I was going to move. I felt my pockets, in one there was my cell phone and in the other there was a piece of paper. I took out the paper and unfolded carefully, written in huge letters was:

_**SAM'S HOUSE**_

_Call for anything at all. We will be there as fast as we can.  
(###) ### - ####_

When did someone give me that? Oh wait I remember now;

_**Flash Back  
**_

_After Embry finally got me to calm down enough to go to group, we walked into the room and everyone was already in their groups. I looked around but I didn't see Paul anywhere, so I followed Embry to his group and sat down. _

_Group didn't take that long, we left early since there was no major problem, and Dr. Snow said she was happy that we were starting to get along. I walked outside with Embry; he stopped me right by the picnic benches we had bee sitting on earlier, and he looked me right in the eye, "Jessica, I know that some times you may feel like you are alone and that no one cares. But none of that is even remotely true. I care, Jake cares, Quil cares and believe it or not Paul cares too! Look I know you don't want to open up and tell me all about your life but here at least take this." He held out a small piece of folded up paper, I sighed but took the paper and put it into my pocket. _

_There was no point of looking at it, I knew it was probably some treatment center name; I have gotten my fair share of those before. "Thank you." With that I walked away, back to my house, back to my mother. _

_I walked home slowly but when I got there I knew something was wrong I could hear Shaun yelling at Kristen. Some thing about the plate she dropped this morning. I opened the door, I didn't want him laying a hand on her, and I was ok with him taking out his anger on me. Anyone but her, she was the only one that cared. _

_I walked in and ducked as I saw a plate come flying at my head. It just missed me, shattering against the wall with a loud noise. I didn't have to move, Shaun already saw me and I knew what was coming. He walked over to where I was standing with a small smirk on my face; his fist quickly wiped that smirk off. _

_I fell to the floor, he kicked in right in the stomach and I left out a pained gasp. He didn't get to cause anymore pain though since my mother opened the door right as his foot hit my stomach. _

_After that the yelling the started, I slowly backed up until I was far enough way to be unnoticed. _

_**End Flashback**_

I decided to take my chances and call Sam's house, I knew that if anyone could help it would be them. I looked over at the scene in front of me, no one was even paying attention to me, this would be easier then I thought. I half turned around, slowly typing in the phone number, luckily my phone was on vibrate so pressing the keys made no noise.

I brought the phone up to my ear; my hair was down so you wouldn't be able to see it. It seemed to ring forever, I was pushing my luck, and Shaun was going to notice at some point.

"Hello?" Finally! I knew I didn't have much time so I talked quickly.

"It's Jessica, I am at home, 3465 rocky drive, and I need help now!" with that I hung up but looks like I was right. I had pushed my luck to the edge and over the cliff.

Shaun's anger eyes where staring at me, he walked forward with Kristen still tight to him, "You, don't move!" He yelled over in my mom's direction before proceeding to get closer to me. I wouldn't let him see how scared I was, there was no way he was going to win this time. "You little _bitch_. Thought you could call for help didn't you!" He grabbed my phone and threw it against the wall, I didn't bother moving I stayed as still as you can get. I noticed him eyeing my angel necklace, "Ah yes, and dear old dad." His hand moved forward to rip off my necklace and throw it on the floor, only to have his foot step on it.

I could feel my rage building up inside, he was on my last nerve and I was so close to snapping.

"You know, I don't believe what all the news papers say. I know he just ran away from you, and who can blame him. What father wants a little girl like you? A whore, a bitch, a waste of skin! He never wanted you and you never deserved him." He moved the gun away from Kristen's head and I thought he was going to shoot me but instead he pointed his gun at my father's picture. He shot my father's head right in between the eyes. That was it, he is so dead!!

I reached up grabbed the gun from his hands and throw it out the window causing the glass to shatter. Quickly I punched him right in the face and while he was shocked I pushed Kristen out of the way. I backed up one step and used all my strength to kick him right in the crotch. He fell to ground. I picked up a vase that was on the counter and threw it at his head, and then I started to kick him with all my might.

I kept kicking, punching until he caught my foot and made me fall over, I waited for me to hit the floor but a pair of warm hands caught me. I was lifted up into some one's arm and carried out side, I was so tried I just let them carry me.

They didn't get too far; they stopped and sat down on the grass with me lying in their lap, my head against their chest. I looked up expecting to see Embry, but instead I was being looked at by two of my most beautiful eyes I have ever seen, they looked worried and scared. I realized these eyes belonged to Paul.

"Shh… Jess your safe now. I won't let anything hurt you." He held me closer and I realized I was crying. I was happy to be held by him, I felt safe and the tears were a mixture of shock and happiness. I let myself drifted into a light sleep. I was dreaming about Paul but I needed to know what was going on in there, my conscience woke me up.

"Paul?" My voice broke and you could hear the tears. "Is everyone ok?" with the thought of someone getting hurt my heart ached. Of course, for all I care, Shaun could be dead but as for everyone else I was scared.

"Of course, your mom and sister are going to be fine. Collin is driving them to police station and everyone else is watching that asshole." His voiced hardened when he talked about Shaun, I couldn't blame him. I nodded into his chest, I never wanted him to let me go and for some reason I felt as if he was thinking the same thing.

"Paul, I am glad you're here." My voice was no more then a whisper, I didn't trust my voice enough to talk any louder, I knew it would shake. Rejection was one of my biggest fears.

"Me too… I was scared you were going to get hurt. The minute Emily told me about your phone call I got here as fast as I could, the very thought of you getting hurt while I just sat, around was painful. I needed to know that nothing was going to hurt you, and the best way for me to do that is just like this. Sitting here with you, just the way I like it." He looked down at me again, "I want to be there for you and I want to let you know that I do care. More than you know."

I felt my heart stop, he _did_ care about me. He cared enough to come face some psycho and say more about his feelings than a guy usually says.

I smiled and reached up, grabbing the back of his head, and pulled his lips down onto mine…

**Thank you for reading! I hope you liked the ending, let me know what you think. All you have to do is push the button! C'mon you know you want to!! PLEASE! and thank you! i will try to update soon but i am in the middle of exams right now, so i can't tell you i will but i aming trying! Sorry! Please review though and maybe i will update tomorrow!  
Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	16. Didn’t mean to hurt you

**Disclaimer: i do not own twilight...though it would be so awesome if i did...but sadly no.  
Sorry it was taken me soo long to update, i am in the middle of exams, which i know is not an excuse but please don't kill me! Anyways i hope you like this chapter, i did my best. **

The feeling of his lips on mine was amazing, beyond words, it felt like no matter what was going on, my screwed up life couldn't matter any less, for those few seconds. That whole happiness thing stopped when I realized he wasn't kissing me back. He was just sitting there frozen, not moving, so I pulled back and looked at him. His face was so shocked I tried not to look hurt but I could see the tears starting to blur my vision.

He wasn't even looking at me; he was looking at the sky above us. My already broken heart felt like he was shattering it and stepping all over it without a second thought. A single tear fell down my face, it fell slowly at first but it was stopped. A warm finger brushed the tear away, though more were falling now.

"Jessica, listen I didn't mean to hurt you-" I didn't want to hear the rest of what he was going to say. I know how it ends, him feeling sorry for me and me crying because I put my heart out there only to have him sent it back.

"Paul, I am the one who is sorry. I shouldn't have done that, I don't want you to feel bad because you don't feel the same way, I-" this time I was cut off, but not by him talking.

His lips crashed into mine with more passion then I have ever felt. The feeling of rejection was soon replaced by stronger feelings; feelings of love and enthusiasm took over. Our lips moved perfectly together and the sparks between us felt like they could start a fire any minute. I wouldn't trade this moment for anything in the world, i felt as if I had finally found my place.

We kissed for who knows how long; by the time we stopped both of our breathing was heavy. My tears were no longer falling down my face, and I felt warm inside for the first time in a long time. Our fore heads rested together, "Jessica, like I said before I care more about you then you know. I never meant to hurt you, I was in shock. I was in no way expecting you to kiss me right then. That doesn't mean that it wasn't the most wonderful thing ever; believe me when I say it was! You're truly are my one and only, and you always will be. So I am the one who is sorry for ever making you think that I didn't want you or that I rejected you because true be told, I could never reject you."

This moment was beyond perfect, but like they say, good things always come to an end. The blaring sirens broke though the quit air, making me jump slightly Paul tighten his grip on me. The police cars – and yes I did say car_s_, for some reason they felt the need to bring four cars to handle a half conscious man – pulled up into my driveway and on the surrounding grass.

They all got out of the cars around the same time, it reminded me of a "Men in Black" moment, and it was almost funny to watch. Four men went into the house and two made they're way over to where Paul and I were sited on the grass. I knew I was going to be asked million questions and so was Paul, sounds like a blast. As long as they didn't tear me away from him I didn't care what they asked, Paul was like my new security blanket, and I needed him.

"Are you two alright?" An officer asked us, he was almost as tall as Paul, but no where near as hot. He did look some what scary in that uniform and the gun hanging on his hip was not helping any.

"Yes officer, we are both fine." Paul answered him, in a very formal tone. I was unaware of the fact the officer continued to ask questions, all I could see was Shaun. Three officers were holding him as he try and get free; they were almost down the stairs. Shaun was putting up a good fight and suddenly terror ripped though me as he managed to get one hand free.

I stood up and moved behind Paul, I was vaguely aware of Paul's voice asking me what I was doing, but all I could do was point to where Shaun was. He was close to getting away from the cops and I knew all too well that he would come after me.

"Officer, may I?" What did Paul want to do? I was confused now but my brain pushed that feeling aside, the only thing I had room to feel was scared, terrified and worried. Paul started to walk forward, away from me, my heart stopped and I reached forward to grab his hand.

"Jessica, it will be ok. Just give me a second." Even though I was beyond terrified of Shaun, the thought of Paul getting close to him had me petrified, but his words seemed sure, so how could I doubt him?

I watched him walk over to where the officers that where struggling to get a hold of Shaun, when Paul was close enough Shaun looked him right in the eye, "What are you going to do pretty boy? You know, you should have just left that shank to die. Not like she deserves to live or even has a life to live. She is just a worthless piece of-" Shaun was cut short by Paul, more like Paul's fist. I have never seen so much anger in one punch. I saw Paul hit Embry pretty hard and that was scary enough but this time I couldn't be scared because I knew that anger would never be turned on me.

Shaun fell to the ground, Paul kicked him right in the gut over and over again until one the officers got a hold of Shaun. Of course this time was easier since Shaun was barely conscious. They dragged him into the back of the cop car and shut the door; the officer beside me informed me I would need to go with them to the station to answer more questions.

Paul had to come as well which was good because right now being alone was something I could not stand to do…

**Please review! I love getting reviews and it does make me update faster since i at least know there is some one out there who enjoys reading what i write! Thank you for reading. Please, Please review! I just had to let Paul have his go at shaun, i mean come on! Shaun derserved more but i was not in the mood for writing some graphic stuff, so sorry to anyone who wanted to see Paul beat him more!  
Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	17. Answer my question

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight!  
Sorry about the shortness! Thanks to those who reviewed! Thanks to my beta as well wolf-girl Addie!**

**Jessica's POV**

"Ms. Hiltz, for the last time, we have the evidence to prove it!" The officer almost yelled at me for the tenth time. I refused to accept what he told me, there was no way in hell he was right.

He was been trying to tell me that a couple of days ago Paul had been seen with my mother, and lets just say that what people saw was less than decent. I didn't believe them; they said it all happened right out side of a bar in town.

Now, this dumb ass cop, was trying to get me to believe him and get me to tell him that Paul raped me; I mean come on like that could ever happen!! I was starting to get pissed off at them.

"For the last mother FUCKING time, let me talk to PAUL!!!" I screamed in the officer's face, he is just lucky I am too tired to throw this chair at him. I have told him that I want to see Paul for over two hours now. Apparently he is too stupid to see that I am not going to answer any questions until I get to talk to Paul.

"Ms. Hiltz, please calm down. You can see him as soon as you answer my question. Have you ever seen Paul and your mother together in a way? Or has Paul tried to make you do things you didn't feel okay with?" Some how the officer managed to keep his cool, I can see it in his eyes, and he would love nothing more then to just scream at me right now.

Does he think I am five? Like I don't know what being raped is? I just rolled my eyes, deciding that I might as well do what he asked. "No, Paul has never raped me! Now please for the love of god let me see him!"

"Fine, you may see him. Thank you for finally answering the question. If you still don't believe me about Paul and your mother then here." He dropped a brown envelope on the table and walked away, out the door leaving me alone to stare at the envelope.

I opened up the envelope slowly; I was scared to see what was inside. When I turned it upside down and shook it plenty pictures fell out. They were all of Paul, every picture was different, all had women in them and those women were hanging off of him. I look though them one by one, then I found the few of my mother and Paul, the tears started to pour down my face as looked over them. I can't believe this!

The officer was right, Paul slept with my mother!

Fuck…

**Please review! sorry about the lenght again!  
Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	18. Beyond Screwed

**Disclaimer: I do own twilight.  
Thanks for those who reviewed!**

**Paul's POV**

I finally finished answering the stupid questions the officer felt the need to ask me, they were all so idiotic. I had agreed to answer all of them with out any trouble; I knew Sam would kick my ass later if I didn't. I can only imagine what the poor cop who had to question Jessica went though, she did not look anywhere near happy when they had to use force to get her away from me and into the questioning room.

"Mr. Haida? Ms. Hiltz has been asking to see you and we have decided to grant her that wish. She is waiting for you out in the lobby." The guy peeking though doors opening said to me, did he have to talk like a guy in some Disney movie? Every other thought faded away with the mention of Jessica wanting to see me; I have been waiting so long to hear her say that! I nodded grabbing my stuff, and made my way though the door and started walking down towards the lobby.

**Jessica's POV**

I was now pacing around in the lobby, it seemed like every step I took made my rage build up even more inside of me. I was told that my mother and sister were waiting for me out side, I would try to make this quick so I could leave and just forget.

After I looked at the pictures, I called that, sad excuse for a cop, back in and demand he told me the whole story. Instead he just showed me the security footage from inside the bar and outside – I have no idea that bars had cameras– i was way beyond angry at that point. I would have at least understood somewhat if he didn't know it was my mother but in the video my mom clearly said her name and he even said he knew me! After he mentioned me, my mother asked him if he was sure about this since she knew it would hurt me. That must have been why she came home that day!

I kicked the closest chair to, sending it flying a couple of feet away, the lady at the front desk looked up at me, "Excuse me, Miss? Could you please not damage the furniture in here?"

I walked over to her desk, "I would gladly stop causing damage, but I have no other way of letting out my rage right now, and trust me if you found out the guy you fell for had slept with your mother I think you would be a tad bit aggravated as well."

Shock crossed her face before she looked back down to what she was doing on her computer. That's what I thought. The officer from before came in and gave the lady at the front desk the photos he had let me see before, he glanced at me before leaving. I started my pacing again; there was no way in hell I was going to be able to calm down any time soon.

"Jessica?" His voice made my eyes prick, but I promised myself I was not going to cry, he wasn't worth the tears. I spun on my heel to faced him, ignoring the pain his face caused I walked over to where he stood.

He opened his arms for a hug, but that was not what I had in mind.

**Paul's POV**

"Jessica?" She was pacing when I walked in, but when I said her name it stopped. She didn't turn around right away but she did after a second or two and started walk towards me. She looked like she was in pain or something close to it.

I opened my arms for a hug, but what she did next surprised me.

"Are you fucking kidding me!?" her voice was beyond livid as she shoved me with a lot of force. Even though I was a werewolf she was strong enough to push me pretty hard, "What I am to you? Some toy? Someone you can play with until you get bored? Do I honestly mean nothing to you?!?"

Her words cut me deep and I could feel the confusion on my face, "Jessica what are you talking abo—"

"Just _SHUT UP_! I am tried of listen to you leading me on! You fucking screwed me over, ok! I get it, I was nothing more then a game when you got bored. Well you know what? You _WIN_!" She cut off my question, again, "I'm done! With this, and with you," She was so mad at me right now I was actually a bit scared of her.

"Jessica, I don't know what I did to hurt you but-" I was cut off again but not by her voice, no, she throw a _chair_ at me. I quickly moved out of the way but not before I noticed the flower vase she had thrown as well. It just missed me but an _inch_, and shattered on the wall behind me.

I could see she was fighting back tears; it took her a second before she spook again, looking at her feet, "You know what sucks about falling for a guy you know isn't right for you?" She looked into my eyes and said; "Falling for the guy you know isn't right for you, _anyway_, just because you hoped he might turn out different." Her voice cracked and a single tear fell down her cheek as she turned away and walked out the door, slamming it on her way out.

I looked around in complete shock, "Well if you ask me, you had it coming kid." The lady sitting at her desk said to me.

How did she know what she was talking about? "Umm what are you talking about?" I asked while walking over to her.

"You honestly don't know?" I shook my head 'no', "Well then take a look at these." She handed me an envelope. I went to sit down in the only chair that Jess _hadn't_ thrown at me, and slowly reached inside the envelope. There were tons of pictures inside, I looked at the first one and I could feel my heart break in two. It was of me and some girl at bar, the next was the same but with a different girl, each picture had a different girl I didn't recognize in it.

I had two pictures left, I looked at the second last one and my heart actually stopped. This is why she was so mad at me, it all made sense even though I wanted nothing more then to find out I was dreaming.

No wonder she hated me, _I_ hated me right now! How, in the name of hell, did I sleep with her mother and not know or remember!

I am so beyond screwed right now, I will be lucky if she ever talks to me again.

**Jessica's POV**

I slammed the door as I ran out of the stupid police station. I saw my mother and sister waiting for me in the parking lot, I started running towards my sister; my mother could wait.

I ran right into her arms and let the tears I had been holding back flow freely down my cheeks. She hugged me tightly, "Shhh… Jess it will be ok… Come on we better get home."

She started walking but kept her arms wrapped tightly around me. My mother didn't say a word. Kristen and I got in the back while my mother got in the drivers sit, still not saying at word.

It was going to be a long ride home, Kristen was still holding me and now she had tear stains on her cheeks as well. It would take around a half an hour to get home again, I need some music playing, and silence was a scary thing.

"Hey mom, can you turn on the radio?" My voice cracked, but I swear I saw a small smile on her lips when I said mom. I haven't called her mom in a while now, either she wasn't here or I called her mother.

I couldn't really blame her much, because, as sad as it is, that was her job at the moment and she had atleast recognized what they were doing was wrong. My anger was being all used up at the moment. I hated Paul more then anything in the world right now, but I could feel this pull. I wanted to be near him but no where near him at the same time.

I was so confused but I knew a sure way to clear my head. I would have to find him again, and avoid what happened last time. I knew he wouldn't be hard to find, he was always around. I made my decision. Today I was going replenish my empty stash.

I was getting some weed, or maybe something stronger.

Who knows?

**Please review! Thanks for reading.  
Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	19. No one measures up

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight!  
I am soo sorry for not updating sooner. Sorry, sorry, sorry!!! Please enjoy.**

_**Embry's POV**_

My only job today was to try and explain to this mess to Jessica, I can only hope that she is in the right frame of mind to listen. Knowing her, after she was told what the police thought Paul did, she probably went out and tried to forget her like she did after her mother died. This was going to be a challenge; I can only hope she hears me out on.

"Ok, we are here. You ready man?" Jake looked over at me from the drivers seat, Quil was listen intently from the back. Paul didn't come to group today, after a long discussion it was decided he should stay at Sam's while I try to work out this,_ lucky me, eh?_

"As ready as I'll ever be." To be honest, I had no idea what to expect when I walked though the doors, but i didn't have much of a choice. Sighing I opened the door, jumped out and slammed the door, I had to let out some frustration somehow.

Jake and Quil walked beside me as I thought about the best way to break the news to her, and how I was going to convince her I wasn't lying to her. It was a short silent walk across the parking lot, we were early because I was hoping Jessica would be here already but there was no sign of her yet.

We got to library and took our seats, waiting for everyone else to show up. Even Dr. Snow wasn't here yet, though she usually isn't here on time.

"Embry, what if Jessica doesn't come?" Quil's voice broke the stillness causing my head to look up from where I had been staring at the floor. I had never thought about that, what if she doesn't? What do I do then?

"What makes you think she won't?" Jake seemed to be wondering the same thing I was, but I had a couple good ideas why she would blow off group.

"Think about it, if I was told some horrible shocking news I think I would miss group too. Also Jessica being Jessica probably took her own form of meds, but who knows how much? She could've already forgotten her name, never mind group." He had a point that sounded like something she would do.

The door slowly opened taking my attention away from how to find her if she didn't show. All three of us stared at the door, waiting to see who would come though. My hope faded when I saw a small blond haired girl come in, she wasn't Jessica. This girl seemed more punk where as Jessica was emo, though I did like this girls hair it was blond on top and brown underneath with bangs that covered her eyes.

_**Jessica's POV **_

After I got home from the police station I decided that I wanted to change every thing about me since for some reason life was better before I changed. Without a word to my mother or sister I went straight to my room and started going though all my stuff, throwing out anything that wasn't like who I used to be. I needed this to take my mind off of _him_, I was done thinking about some thing I couldn't fix or get over.

I was running around my room cleaning when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, my black hair would have to go. How was I going to fix the hair problem, I could dye it? Maybe I could run to the hairdressers on the way home from work, that's right I still have to work. I wasn't going to change a lot but I wanted to go back to the punk I was before this mess I call my current life happened.

With plans set I grabbed my outfit for work and made my way down the stairs, I need to act normal if I want them to let me leave. "Kristen, I am going to work now! I have car keys, and I will be back just after 11pm!" I called as I walked out the door, standing in the house well telling her this would just have ended with her say no and making me stay.

I drove fast enough to make it to the club with in five minutes, walking in I went straight back stage and got changed. Once I was ready to go on stage I stood off to the side by the curtain and waited for my signal to go on stage.

Once I received my signal i wander over to the CD player and put in one of my Cd's. I decided to start with a song I wrote after an old boyfriend from back home dumped me.

_Oh no  
Don't go changing'  
That's what you told me from the start  
Thought you were something' different  
That's when it all just fell apart  
Like your so perfect  
And i can't measure up  
Well I'm not perfect  
Just all messed up__by yourself  
Your all messed up  
_

_I was losing myself to somebody else  
But now i see  
And i don't wanna pretend  
So this is the end of you and me  
'cause the girl that you want  
She was tearing' us apart  
'cause she's everything  
Everything I'm not_

_It's not like i need somebody  
Telling me where i should go at night  
Don't worry you'll find somebody  
Someone to tell how to live their life  
'cause your so perfect  
And no one measures up  
Yeah all_

I sang all of the songs I was required to sing and exited the stage trying to look in control but one of the songs I had sang filled my head with pictures of Paul. I didn't want to think about him, he was the past, but his face seemed to be burned into my mind.

I wiping away the tears that were falling down my cheeks I got changed slowly and made my way back to the car. My plan was to go to the hair dressers but right now there was only one thing I wanted, more like needed.

I knew where he would be, behind the dumpster by the old restaurant down town, that's where he always was. I haven't made a buy since I got caught by Embry and I told myself that I wouldn't do it again because I saw how much it hurt him but right now I needed it. I know how they say I am only making myself think I need it and that could be true but I wasn't going to turn around.

I spun into the parking lot, checking for my wallet after the car stopped. I had just over 40 dollars on me that should be enough to make a good size buy. What I was buying, I had no idea. I don't think weed is going to do the trick this time, maybe it is time to try something new.

After making my buy, it cost me all 40 dollars to get some good stuff, some nice clean crystal. I had never used the stuff before but my dealer filled me in on how to, it sounded simply and he said that it would take my mind off everything. It would let me feel weightless and like the world was perfect, just what I needed even I knew that I had just hurt myself more and worse I had hurt everyone who believed I had stopped.

I didn't smoke it right away, I chose to get my hair done first then when I got home I would light up.

Once inside of the hairdressers I walked over to the book of images that showed tons of different hair styles. After looking though tons of pictures I finally came to a decision on what I wanted my hair to look like.

I told the lady what I wanted and she went to work. Dying hair takes forever, and I got bored very quickly so I took out my song book and started to write. I was trying not to think of him but of course my mind always wonders back to that forbidden space no matter how much fight I put up I always seemed to lose.

_My hands are searching for you  
My arms are outstretched towards you  
I feel you on my fingertips  
My tongue dances behind my lips for you_

_This fire runs in through my being  
Burning I'm not used to seeing you_

_I'm alive, I'm alive_

_I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healing_

_My hands float up above me  
And you whisper you love me  
And I begin to fade  
Into our secret place_

_The music makes me sway  
The angels singing say we are alone with you  
I am alone and they are too with you_

_I'm alive, I'm alive_

_I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healing_

_I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healing_

_And so I cry  
The light is white  
And I see you_

_I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive_

_I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healing_

_Take my hand  
I give it to you  
Now you own me  
All I am  
You said you would never leave me  
I believe you  
I believe_

_I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healed_

Tears formed in my eyes when I finished writing. That song was about him, the one thing I would love to forget about and soon. Though it did help release what was been building up inside me.

Once my hair was done I paid and went home, without thinking when I reached my bed I fell right asleep.

Waking up the next morning sucked big time, but I had to go to group so I dragged my sorry ass out of bed and took a shower. Looking at my hair in the mirror I decided that I would let it air dye, it looked so awesome. I dyed it blonde (not in a preppy way) with dark brown underneath, it was short and my bangs came in front of my eyes. This style was just like my old one, a fun loving punk.

(On Profile)

After eating breakfast I started to walk to school, thinking about what I would have to face, ok more like who I would be facing. With that thought in head I reached into my backpack and took out my newly acquired package from yesterday.

I went into the woods a little bit and did what I had to do. I continued walking, the feeling finally seeping into very part of my body. I felt relaxed, tranquil, serene, and composed as if nothing could possible shake me right now.

I stagger into the school, ready for all the hell I could imagine. Not that I would remember any of it after I came down from my high, I was on cloud nine right now and I was no where near ready to come down from there.

I should use this stuff more often.

_**Embry's POV**_** (just after he sees the blond girl come in)**

I went back to thinking about trying to find Jessica and where she would go if she didn't come to group, I still had no idea. She was about as unpredictable as Paul, which might she could be half way to China by now, and dyed her hair blond…Wait, since when was there two girls in this group? The other girl just sat down, is she confused? I better go help her, I got up and made my way over to the seat she had taken. Strange that was the seat Jessica usually took and like Jessica she had head phones in and was staring at the floor.

I tapped her shoulder and she took out her head phones, I guess that was my cue to speak, "Hey, this is the anger management room, are you lost?"

She looked at me with a very puzzled expression but there was something under that expression, her eyes were almost hollow. Understand flashed across her face and soon there was a very big goofy and amused smile on her lips, "Don't recognize me Embry?"

Her voice sounded very familiar but once again there was a strange edge I recognized the smell but it was mixed with a peculiar smell to. Jessica! That's what she smelled like!

"Jessica?" My voice was unsure but now that I think of it this girl looked a lot like Jessica but without the make up and black hair.

"The one, and only," Definitely Jessica, but what was the strange smell and why does she sound weird. Oh shit, it is the same reason her eyes look hollow.

She is high right now and on some pretty heavy stuff to by the smell of it. Paul is going to freak when he finds out.

_**Jessica's POV**_** (and yes she is somewhat high) **

Sitting down in the closet chair to the door, I was hoping not to have the three large tan guys in the room notice my entrance. Embry did notice me but I don't think he knew it was me; I did look different after all. The other two looked like they were off in their own little worlds, probably chasing bunnies or talking to llamas. Wait…wow everything looks really bright and pretty. This stuff sure screws with your head, not that I mind.

I took out my ipod and put my headphones waiting for some one to recognize me, knowing them this could take ages.

After a couple of minutes I felt some one tap my shoulder, I took out of my head phones, "Hey, this is the anger management room, are you lost?" Embry still didn't know it was me, wow he looks pretty close up.

I looked at him with a confused expression for two reasons one, i was trying to figure out how he got his hair to do that flip thing it is doing and two…well I forget number two but I will get back to you on that one. Oh I know how he gets his hair to do that! He calls Harry Potter, and Harry does some weird magic shit and boom! Awesome shiny flipped hair!

There was a very big goofy and amused smile on my lips, "Don't recognize me Embry?"

"Jessica?" His voice was unsure; he just didn't want me to know that he was friends with Harry Potter! Magic hogger!

"The one, and only," I replied. He was going to spill his beans at some point! I bet he knows the Easter bunny too! Man, he was a lot of magical connections.

_**Embry's POV**_

She may be high but she hasn't said anything weird or too stupid yet, so I might as well try to explain the current situation to her.

"Jessica, I want to talk to you about Paul." My voice was smooth and I sat down in the empty chair beside her.

_**Jessica's POV**_

"Jessica, I want to talk to you about Paul." He sat down in the empty chair beside me, his face is really round kinda like a fat kid but he has to much muscle though he could be a fat kid in disguise!

Wait, did he say Paul? Paul, as in Paul McCartney!? I love him! At least I think I do? Is he the rodeo clown? Or the guy at Pizza hut?

"What about him?" How I was forming normal sounding answers is beyond me.

_**Embry's POV**_

Ok good, she wants me to continue, "Well that picture and video you saw, that wasn't Paul." I took a deep breath and keep talking before she could interrupt me, "That was a guy we know named Brady, he is young and he was drunk. In the video the guy never said he was Paul, but Brady looks a lot like Paul."

Ok now she was just staring at me like I was crazy.

_**Jessica's POV**_

What in the world does this have to do with Paul McCartney?

Are we talking about Paul McCartney?

I really want a little pony, like my little ponies! "I want Rainbow Dash!" Oops that was out loud, holy pancakes batman!

**Embry's POV**

She is still looking at me funny.

"I want Rainbow Dash!" Wow, ok so she is really high.

Looks like I am explaining this again later, great…

**Sorry if it got a little confusing at the end with the changing POV's, it just didn't seem right to write it only from one persons POV. Please review!**

**Thanks for reading.  
Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	20. Deep dreamless sleep

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight!  
I am soo sorry about the wait for this chapter! It was so hard to think of what happens next, i have re-written this so many times just because it never seemed right. It still seems off but i can't get it any more like i want. There is a surpise at the end, but don't skip and read the end first! I had to throw that in there since that is what i do! Anyway once again i am sorry about the wait for this! Enjoy!**

_**Jessica's POV**_

The sweet smell of pancakes awoke me from my deep dreamless sleep. Slowly opening my eyes and adjusting to the sunlight that was peeking though my windows…wait sun? I quickly jumped up and ran to the window, and just as I thought it was sunny out, something very rare here. With a smile on my face I walked over to grab my bath robe, opening my closet, yesterday's cloths fell on my feet. Picking them I noticed they smelled a little strange, they smelled like…meth!?

With one smell everything thought from before this morning tumbled back into my mind. Falling backwards onto my bed I started to shake my head and clear all of the jumbled thought away.

After minutes of just lying there, one person's voice replying the same sentences over and over again got my attention. At first, I thought there was some one in the room with me talking but after looking around I realized the voice was in my head, I will have to get that looked at later.

It was Embry's voice in my head, closing my eyes I tried to remember when I last spoke to him. It must have been yesterday at group, when I was…under the influence. Fuzzy memoires filled my head but after some searching I found the where Embry was talking to me.

First he thought I was lost…oh yea because I changed my hair. The he seemed to understand it was me, and then there was talk of magic. Oh wait that was just in my head, I think. He started talking about the video! What did he say again?! Oh god, think …think. Oh yea,

Some thing like ….that wasn't Paul….guy … named Brady… he was drunk… video …never said he was... But Brady… likes Paul.

Oh, My, God.

That is all I can remember, what could he have been saying?! He said that it wasn't Paul, but only gods know what came right before and after that, he could have said the guy that dyed his hair pink and purple that wasn't Paul!

I am going to have to find Embry today; I need answers before I do anything.

_**Embry's POV**_

When i phased with Paul and let him see the events of today I accepted fury, rage, for him to explode, lose his tempter, god knows maybe even kill a small village. The one thing I didn't see coming was for him to take it silently, phase back and run.

I was currently running down the dirt road that leads to cliffs chasing after him, and he was running fast. When the cliffs came into view i thought I see his figure falling towards the water at a very fast rate but instead I see him sitting hunch over at the edge.

Slowing down into a walk I approached him, he didn't make any move or sound to acknowledge my person beside him. Sighing I slid down beside him, when I looked over to say something to him I noticed something I never ever though I would see in my life.

Paul was crying…

**There was the surpise! I just had to make him cry because there was no other way for me to show how upset by this he is and it really shows how much Jessica has changed him! Also i am sorry about the lenght of this, it is more of a fuller then anything. I had to post something because it was eating at me that i had people waiting so i posted this. The next chapter will have more... stuff to it, it will also be way longer! **

**Thanks for reading!  
Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	21. Stupidest thing I have ever heard

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight...sigh...  
I am sooo sooo soo sorry about the wait for this chapter! My brain is in over drive today and i have been really busy for the last little bit, but that is no excuse and i know it! Sorry!!! Sorry!! Thanks again to my Beta, Addie!! She so beyond rocks! Enjoy.**

_**Jessica's POV**_

Getting changed quickly, I made my way over to my mirror to inspect the disaster that was my hair. Grabbing my brush and straighter I got to work, and trust me it was far from easy, but it took my mind off of Embry and Paul which was needed at the moment.

After almost half an hour my hair looked pretty good so I moved on to my make up, taking my time because as long as my mind was filled with trivially things it couldn't wander back to Paul's face. Shaking my head I continued to apply my black eyeliner, followed by my new mascara.

Once I looked presentable I walked down stairs to see my mother finishing her pancakes, she smiled at me and told me there were some more in the oven. Surprisingly after the police station I was never mad at my mother, I chalked it up to the fact my new found dislike of Paul took up the whole emotion part of my brain.

We ate in silence something that was normal for us since no one talked a lot anymore. I was used to not saying anything because the silence was comfortable so instead I tried to figure what I would say to Embry when I saw him at group today.

"Oh, umm Jessica honey, the school called, your group session has been cancelled for today. The doctor is unable to make it." Sighing I nodded without even looking up from my pancakes.

There went my whole plan to see Embry and talk to him; I guess I could always come up with another plan. I left the kitchen in silence and walked back up the stairs to my room. I needed some way to talk to Embry and ask what he said yesterday, granted I was scared to speak with him since I am pretty sure you would have to have been stupid to not to have seen the…condition, in which I was yesterday.

Pacing around my room something caught my eye; it was just visible though the slightly open closet doors. Walked over I picked up the pants from the floor and notice the blood stains on them I knew right away they were from _that night_. I throw them back into my closet; I was not in the mood to go over that again; I noticed a small piece of paper flutter to the floor.

Picking it up I unfolded the paper curious as to what was written on it. The paper read;

_**SAM'S HOUSE**_

_Call for anything at all. We will be there as fast as we can.  
(###) ### - ####_

That's it!! Why didn't I think of this early! I know it isn't Embry's number but when I called it last time he came so I must be able to reach him there or at least get this number from this Sam person.

Without hesitation or a second thought, I grabbed my cell phone which had a crack in the screen from the time _someone_ threw it at a wall. Punching in the number I tapped my foot against the floor in time with the ringing.

"Hello?" Finally someone's voice stopped the ringing, some how I recognized that voice from last time.

"Hi this is Jessica, I was wondering if Embry was around?" My voice shook a little but not enough to notice. There was a pause on the other end of the phone, and then in the background I heard a door slam followed by some one cursing loudly.

"Once second Jessica I will check for you." The woman sounded a little irritated, probably about the door thing I heard. I wonder why someone slammed the door like that; I am guessing they were some what pissed off.

"Okay." I replied politely, no need to be rude to someone who was helping me. My foot started to beat against the floor again; waiting was something I was never that good at. Luckily I didn't have to wait to long, after about two minutes a low voice broke though the silence.

"Jessica?"

"Yup, it's me."

"Oh, hey Jess. What's up?"

"Well I was wondering if I could talk to you about group yesterday."

"Sure. What exactly about it?"

"Ok well… I remember you saying something about Paul and some guy named Brady? I just can't remember what you said…." I trailed off hoping he would understand what I was saying.

"Oh yea… well it might help if you tell me what you remember?"

"It is hard to say since what I remember is only some words here and there so I have no general idea about what you were talking about…sorry." This is why I don't really like phone conversations because for all I know he could be walking around all mad or he could be happy as can be, how in the world I supposed to know?

"It's okay…you were a little spaced out yesterday. I have an idea, how about we meet at the school and we can talk. Phone conversations are annoying, sounds good?" Thank god!

"Yup, meet you there in ten. Wait should I bring my car?" I kinda wanted to walk but if I needed the car I would gladly take it.

"Umm no, that's ok. We can walk to where I want to take you. See you in ten."

"Bye." Hanging up I made my over to my closet to find my bag, I was not leaving the house without some stuff, such as; cell phone, pen, paper, wallet, candy, make up and most of all my ipod!

Once everything was safely packed into my bag I walked down the stairs and went straight for the door calling over my shoulder that I was going out. I figure the faster I leave the less room for questions there is and god knows my mother loves to ask questions about my life now.

Walking down the street boredom quickly starts in so I grab my ipod from my bag. Putting the headphone into my ears I turn the volume all the way up in hopes of blocking out the rest of the world.

_If we cut out the bad  
Well then we'd have nothing left  
Like I cut up your mouth  
The night I stuffed it all in  
And you lied to the angels  
Said I stabbed you to death  
If we go at the same time  
They'll clean up the mess_

I lost my head  
You couldn't come  
This lust to my brain almost feels like a gun

Watched you bite into the bottle  
Watched me kick out the chair  
Let you chew up the glass  
And laughed as you just hung there  
I had thought of rose petals most perfectly pure  
Then I thought of your petals  
And the abuse they've been through

Arriving at the school took less time than I had hoped. Seeing the building rise over the hill I was headed for was frightening, because it meant that my conversation with Embry wasn't to far away.

Keeping my head down and staring at the ground I slowly walked over to the front doors. My thoughts were racing around my head making it hard to think about one thing, but all the thoughts centered around one face. Sadly enough it was Paul's gorgeous face.

That stupid annoying voice in the back of my mind kept reminding me that he was the only reason I want to sort this stuff out since no matter what he did I still wanted to be with him. _Finally, I was starting to think that someone couldn't take a hint! _

"Jessica? Earth to Jessica?" A large tanned hand was waving in front of face trying to gain my attention.

Shaking my head I turned to face Embry, by the look on his face, he knew this was going to be awkward for a little bit. Personally, I love awkward situations, but only when I can stand back and watch from afar, not being involved.

"Oh, hey Embry," My voice was a little shaky due to my new found nerves. I couldn't help but wonder if he was going to bring up my state in group yesterday. God I hope not, awkward is not my thing.

He looked just as awkward as I did, it was starting to get annoying just standing here waiting for him to say something. "Why don't we walk down to the beach and talk?" Finally he remembers how to speak and his suggestion is a really good one too.

Nodding we start the walk down to the beach, which of course is in La Push but luckily La Push is only a 20 minute walk from the school. We walked in silence, nothing but the sound of our foot steps echoing off the empty street could be heard.

Time seemed to move faster just to avoid the ominous stillness; it was starting to get on my last nerve! We got to the beach pretty quickly; we started to walk in the sand without even thinking.

The silence was finally driving me crazy; I hope that once I clear the air this stupid awkwardness will just disappear! "Okay, look," I sighed catching his attention, "I was high yesterday, and I know you knew that. Now please can we move on to the conversation we had at group that I don't remember!?"

He sat down on a piece of drift wood, leaving space for me so I took it as an invitation sitting myself down beside him. Taking a deep breathe he started to talk to me, "Alright, we can deal with that first thing later but as for the conversation yesterday I have to warn you it is very important. But before I start, I need to ask you one question," He looked at me as I nodded signaling him to continue.

"Good, now do you trust me?" I raised an eyebrow but nodding none the less, "Ok please remember that later, now just listen to the whole story before you open your mouth." I nodded again; I was confused as to why I needed to trust him while hearing this story.

Embry started to talk about Paul, about how it wasn't Paul that was with my mother that night, but instead some guy named Brady! Why in the world would believe that there is some guy out there looks just like Paul? Unless he has a twin that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.

This should be an interesting day after all…

**So there it is! The next chapter will be more interesting with tons of surprises for the whole family!! **

**Thanks for reading!  
Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	22. I demand to know

**Disclaimer: I so do not own twilight!  
Oh my freaking god, i am sooo sooo sooo sooo sooo soo sorry! As bad as it sounds i got really wrapped up in my other story and well this one got pushed to the back burner so i am terrbile sorry about that one guys! Sorry! Wow i totally suck, i made you guys wait for like 2 months....damn....my bad. Anways sorry and please enjoy. **

_**Jessica's POV**_

"Do I happen to have stupid written across my forehead?" Embry was still trying to convince me that it wasn't Paul, "There is no way in hell there is some other guy out there that could look just like Paul!"

"If you don't believe me-"

"I don't believe you, there is no 'if' involved." I was getting annoyed by his lying; I thought I could trust him with this stuff.

"Ok, but since you don't believe me at all then me you won't mind me trying to prove I am right. Just give me a chance to show you that it wasn't Paul that night, please just trust me." I was still unsure of trusting him, but like he pointed out before I had no reason up till not to trust him. Hell, he even covered for me after that dealing thing happened.

"Fine, prove it." I sighed finally caving into something I knew I would win but might as well humor him, right?

"Follow me." Embry reached over and grabbed my arm, then started walking down the road with me in tow.

_We're getting higher every time that we love  
A little closer to the things we fall back on  
If you come over, then together, willing  
We'll take over the world_

You call me closer  
I said, "Maybe, yeah,"  
But I'm proven wrong  
By all the things we talk about  
The summer air is here  
So get your dress on  
And dance around like no one cares

Come on, come on, come on  
You know you've gotta  
Come on, come on, come on and celebrate  
'Cause we are together, made for each other  
We can stand alone  
And now no one can touch us

I didn't bother asking him where we were going until I saw the welcome to La Push sign.

"Embry, where in the world, are you taking me?" I was getting tried of his silence; I had a right to know where I was being taken.

"You want proof well then I am bringing you to the proof, so shut up and follow." He grumbled without even glancing back at me to make sure I was still there. He had let go of my arm after I asked my question and never grabbed it again so I assume I was on my own free will to follow. Well, it's not like I have anything better to do with my day so I might as well go with him.

Sighing I continued to walk behind him staring at the ground until I ran into what felt like a wall which was really his back. Rolling my eyes I glanced up at Embry with an eyebrow raised in question as to why he stopped so quickly. He moved from my line of vision revealing a small cottage like house. He extended one arm pointing towards the house; I took it as a gesture to make my way over to the house so I did just that.

We walked in silence, listening to the rhythm of our feet hitting the soft grass before the staccato sound of our shoes against the wood steps that lead up to the house. I stopped at the door not sure if I was supposed to knock or just go in. Embry stepped around me opening the door and once again waiting for me to go first, sucking in a deep breath I took a step inside.

I was greeted by a scene I didn't expect to see in a million years. It was like someone cloned Embry, Quil, Jake and Paul then put them all in one burning hot room, in other words it was a very awkward entrance on my part. There were at least 10 huge guys in the room but only three girls. One was standing half in the kitchen half out, only the part of her scars were visible to me from where I stood but my eyes didn't linger there long. God knows I have enough scars of my own, no need to gawk at other people. Another girl was sitting in the lap of some huge guy, his grip seemed to tighten around her waist when he saw my gaze land on her, and I guess he is protective of her.

The last girl seemed the least frightening to me, she was leaning up against a wall by herself with a scowl on her face. She didn't bother to make eye contact with me but instead just glared right though me. Judging by her face she was my kind of person.

After looking around the room again my heart sank as I realized the one person I wanted to see wasn't present in the room. Paul wasn't here. The first women cleared her throat before coming towards me with a hand extended, "Hello dear, my name is Emily. I assume you must be Jessica, it is nice to finally put a face to the name."

Smiling I reached out to shake her hand, she was too nice to be frightened of I decided. After seeing I was no threat to his girlfriend the huge holding the second girl let her get up and walk over. "Hey! I'm Kim, nice to meet you Jessica." She didn't hold out her hand but instead hugged me. At first I was stiff, not sure what I was supposed to do but after a second my arms wrapped around her and hugged her back.

She pulled back with a satisfied smile on her face, but her boyfriend still eyes me with suspicion. The third girl made no move to come and greet me, but then again it only proved how much she was like me.

"That's Leah over in the corner, just ignore her. She's pretty bitter and unfriendly." Embry's low voice was beside my ear as he whispered his advice but he should know by now that I am not one to follow advice.

I walked up to her with a half smirk on my face until I was right in front of her then my face had gone blank.

"So who shoved a stick up your ass and forgot to remove it?" My expression was vided of emotion; I knew how to deal with people like this.

Her glare gained intensity, seems little miss anti-social doesn't like a challenge. "I'd be happy to shove a stick up your ass bitch."

"Woah, I know you have fantasies but how about you just keep them to yourself please. And also life is the bitch, I am just here to represent, so don't make me go psycho-bitch on your annoying ass." My voice didn't change but my facial expression did, my eyebrows were raised and a smug smile was planted on my face. The whole room was quite after my own voice faded out, I didn't need to look around to see the shock on people's faces, and I knew it was there.

Her pursed lips twisted into a smile before she laughed, and when I say laughed I mean like really laughed. Her laughter and my own were the only noises in the room people still hadn't moved. Once she calmed down she stuck out her hand, "Names Leah, I can only assume you are Jessica due to your attitude."

"The one and only, Looks like I finally met someone who can challenge my glare without faltering and caving like a wimp." We both shared another laugh before turning to face the small crowd of people behind me; I referred to them as a crowd because it is the only word for a group of people of this size.

"So Embry, where's this proof you supposedly have?" The silence and staring was getting annoying, I remembered my original task so I decided not to waste my time.

"Right here," Walking over to the couch filled with guys he picked up one guy by the collar and pulled him away from everyone and placed him down right in front of me, "Jessica meet Brady."

Shock ran up my spine causing me to shiver as I took a close look at him. This Brady guy looked really close to Paul! Shit!!! Shit! Maybe it wasn't Paul! Hope began to rise up before I beat it back down; even though I wanted to deny it, I was hoping and praying that it was Brady and not Paul.

"W-was it you t-that night-t?" My voice was shaking as I addressed the huge boy before me, his head was hung low in what I guess is shame.

"Yes." His curt response was enough to make my heart go into over drive from pure joy. I couldn't find it in me to question his certainty because I was suddenly over come by a longing to be held by Paul, to trust Paul. Also from what I gathered about Leah she knew the truth of the situation and wouldn't have a problem telling the truth if Brady was lying.

Breathing out a sigh of relief I ran over to Embry and hugged him with all my strength, I owed him more then he knows! "Where's Paul?" The question was fasted and for some reason I felt like the answer was needed just as much as I need air to live.

"He's down by the cliffs I think." Kim's huge protective boyfriend answered the questions allowing me to breathe again. Nodding I took off out the door and started running towards the cliffs.

I live in Forks but I have been in La Push a few times when I was younger and for some reason I never forgot my way around. I push myself faster with the thoughts of being in Paul's arms again and of telling him that I know it wasn't him!

The cliffs came into view followed by a huge hunched over figure which I take is Paul. Slowing down to walk I realized I don't know what to say to him, oh hell I will wing it!

With out hesitation I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around the back of his neck before resting my head on top of his. He jumped at the contact, "Paul, calm down, it's just me. Jessica."

Too quickly for me to make sense of his actions he somehow pulled around so I was sitting in his lap facing him. "Paul, I am so sorry about all of this! I talked to Embry and I didn't believe him that is wasn't you since I am so used to people just betraying me that I didn't think you would be an exception but then he took me to see Brady. I knew right then that I had been lying to myself when I thought you couldn't be the exception because you are! And heaven forbid if someone tries to take you away again because-"

My ranting was cut short by Paul's warm soft lips crashing down on mine. Every thought that wasn't Paul vanished and I was in complete bliss.

Paul pulled away too soon, but his face was stopped inches away from mine. "I love you Jessica."

Oh. Shit.

**And cut. SO there it is guys. Once again i am soo sorry about the wait for this. I feel horrible but i will try to update as soon as i can find time. Sorry! **

**Thanks for reading.  
Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	23. I always will

**Disclaimer: I so do not own twilight...even though i may pretend i do sometimes we all the know truth :'(**

**Hola,  
Yup here is chapter 23! Woot woot! This chapter it s semi-filler but still has some importance s enjoy! Also i want to thank Ali92 and TwilightHeart21 for both reviewing this story as well as my other stories! You both rock and not just at reviewing but writing too!**

**You must (not an option here people) go read TwilightHeart21's story as well as Ali92's because well like it said before no is not a option, no choice here either. Just obey and everyone will be fine...haha i suck at this threathen stuff so please go read their stories because they both rock my socks and make my day! **

**Now to enjoy the main feature....**

_**Jessica's POV**_

Ummm….yea…

Awkward…Very Awkward…

In all honesty I do love Paul more then life but I don't think am ready to tell him that. I won't be ready until I know for sure that he is sticking around. I refuse to have my already crumpled heart ripped up any further, I am not sure I could survive that.

Quickly, I unwound my arms from his neck and drew back a little to look at him. I can tell by his eyes that he truly means what he just said but sadly that won't change my mind. I am used to having to watch out for my own ass, meaning I don't go out on limbs that have a good chance of snapping beneath me.

Taking a shaky breath I answer him, "Paul…I…" my thoughts are all jumbled making it hard to form a complete sentence that expressed my point, "I'm not ready…I can't…I'm sorry."

The love in his eyes didn't fade as I spoke but hurt slowly crept in to join the love making it an odd combo. It hurt my heart to see this but I wasn't ready. He reached forward and grabbed my hands, holding them in his two large ones.

"Jessica. I will always love you, even if you can't love me back. I am a lot harder to get rid of than that." He has proven that one time and time again, since he is still around even though at times my sanity can be questioned, "As long as you know I love you then what more can I ask?" His understanding is getting to be too much. I lean in and hug him fiercely trying to hold back the tears. I love him. Why can't I just take a freaking chance and tell him!

Urg! I have to get out of here. I need to release! I pull back from our hug, feeling the cool air around us for the first time. I smile sadly at him, "I have to go to work now…so we'll talk later okay?"

My voice broke on the last word much to my disapproval. Looking weak is something I can't ever afford to do because I have learned over the years that being weak makes life a lot harder. He loosened his grip before quickly kissing me on the lips. I threw him a smile as I stood up and walked away.

I forgot that I was all the way in La Push and I work in Port Angels. Yup, the only stupid freaking strip club in the whole area. Sad really but that's were I am headed. I wonder how long it will take to walk there. Can't be that long, can it? All I really need to get to is my house because I can take the car to Port Angels. Looking back over my shoulder I see Paul's hunched over figure, I could ask him for a drive but how awkward would that be? Very awkward, I decide.

Trying to distract myself from the walk ahead I thought about what songs I could sing tonight. There were many I could play but for some reason the only ones that appealed to me were the ones that were written with Paul in mind. The more I thought about it, I realized there was one song that I could sing, I wrote it before the whole mother thing and before Paul kissed me. Back when I liked him but he didn't know yet. That song was perfect. Great that only took like 10 seconds!

Sighing I continue walking down the endless road.

_**Embry's POV**_

"You have to be kidding me, please say you are?" Jared whined again for the billionth time. Quil and I had planned his bachelor party three weeks ago when Kim announced their engagement to the pack.

We made sure the party was simple and normal since god knows we don't get that around here a lot. Our idea of simple and normal when it comes to a bachelor party is, you guessed it, strip club! There is only one strip club in the area, and it is in Port Angels.

"Jared, shut it and get in the car." Jake rolled his eyes as he commanded Jared. We have to drive to the cliffs to get Paul who was still there, hadn't left since Jessica talked to him. Hadn't phrased either so who knows what went down with those twos. Jared sighed in a very teenage drama queen manner before hauling his ass into the car.

Jake gunned it to the cliffs; stopping right beside Paul's hunched over figure. Paul looked up as the car came to a stop, by the way he was sitting early i expected him to be in bad shape. The second he looked up though I could see the joy plain in his face.

Jared opened the door for him to get in but he refused saying that he would rather run down. No one objected so he ran into the woods while we started making our way to highway. Jared didn't stop his whining anytime soon either. He just kept repeating, "If Kim finds out I will personally kill you all," and stuff like, "Why in the world would I want to go a strip club?" which Jake's answer was 'You may not to but I do so suck it up princess!' Fun times. Jake finally gave up and turned the radio up loud enough that Jared's whiny girl voice was blocked out. Bohemian Rhapsody blared from the small speakers in the truck.

_Mama, just killed a man,  
Put a gun against his head,  
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead,  
Mama, life had just begun,  
But now I__'ve gone and thrown it all away  
Mama oooh,_

_Didn't mean to make you cry  
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow  
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters_

_Too late, my time has come,  
Sends shivers down my spine  
Body's aching all the time,  
Goodbye everybody-I've got to go-  
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth-  
Mama oooh- (any way the wind blows)  
I don't want to die,  
I sometimes wish Id never been born at all_

"Is that Jess?" Quil turned down the radio as he pointed outside to a girl walking down the side of the highway. Looking closer I recognized her, it was Jess! What the hell was she doing! It was raining outside now and she was going to freeze!

"Damn, it is too. We better pick her up, because you know that if Paul hears about this we are all dead." Every agreed to Jake's statement. He honked before pulling the truck to the side of the road.

_**Jessica's POV**_

Walking in the rain sucks. Sucks beyond belief and to make my life better I was wearing jeans. Jeans aren't meant to be worn wet, but here I am walking in soaked jeans. Urg…fuck my life. It had started to rain about 20 minutes ago and I was still about an hour away from Forks, fan-fucking-tastic.

The honking of a car caused me to jump. Looking behind me I noticed a car was pulled to the side of the road not to far from me. Great, this has all the makings of some scary horror movie! Girl walking alone down the empty highway in the rain when a mystery car comes out of now where and pulls up behind her. Go life!

"Jess, get your ass in this car before you freeze to death!" Embry's voice echoed though the silence. Rolling my eyes at both my own stupidity and the fact Embry was half out the window when he yelled at me I walked towards the now stationary car.

I quickly got into the warm car, thanking god that they offered me a ride because it was totally sub-zero outside. They drove me to my house without question and I thanked them before going inside to change. They never said where they were really going; only saying that it was Jared's bachelor party. I noticed Paul wasn't in the car though which got my wondering because Paul had once said that Jared was one of his best friends. You'd think that Paul would be his best man or something? Oh well not my problem.

Getting into my house I changed quickly into black skinny jeans and a simple black tank with cartoon stuff all over it. Locking up behind me, no one was home for some reason; I got into the car and started the drive towards the club.

Not wanting to be late I drove faster then normal and just made it to the club. Walking into back stage area I was greeted by the usual crew. Note to self: life is sad when you walk into a strip club and all the strippers greet you by name. Smiling in return I made my over to where the stage was located. The crowd cheered as the girls followed out behind me; rolling my eyes, I took the mic into my hands before cueing my music. I had given George, the tech guy, my music before I got on stage so he started the first song.

Smiling at the crowd I started to sing.

_Jai Ho__  
I got shivers,  
When you touch away,  
I'll make you hot,  
Get all you got,  
I'll make you wanna say_

_Jai Ho  
__I got fever,  
Running like a fire,  
For you I will go all the way,  
I wanna take you higher  
I keep it steady  
Cuz steady is how I feel it.  
This beat is heavy, so heavy,  
you gon feel it._

_Jai Ho  
__You are the reason that I breathe,  
you are the reason that I still believe  
you are my destiny,  
_

_Jai Ho  
__Uh-uh-uh-oh!  
No there is nothing that can stop us  
nothing can ever come between us  
so come and dance with me,_

Jai Ho!

I was looking around the crowd while I sang, something which I always regret since seeing sweaty old man ogle young girls is gross as hell but this time I saw something that almost made you stop singing. Sitting in a corner booth I noticed five familiar faces. The first one was Jared; I wasn't worried about him since I didn't know him super well. But the second, third and fourth belonged to my best friends, Jake, Embry and Quil. Shit, they weren't supposed to know that I work here! And of course this moment of hell wouldn't complete without adding in my love interest!

Fuck. My. Life.

Luckily singing was second nature so I didn't miss a beat with the whole cursing out fate in my head. I might as well finish the song before I go face embarrassment.

_  
Jai Ho  
__Escape away  
I'll take you to a place,  
This fantasy of you and me,  
I'll never lose the chase._

_I can feel you,  
Rushing through my veins,  
there's an notion in my heart,  
I will never be the same._

_Just keep it burning', yeah baby,  
Just keep it coming',  
you're gonna find out, baby,  
I'm one in a million._

_Jai Ho  
__You are the reason that I breathe  
You are the reason that I still believe  
You are my destiny,_

Taking a bow, I nodded towards George mouthing the words 'taking a break'. He knew that meant he had to play some crap rap music for a while. Taking a deep breath I jumped off stage and walked over to a secluded corner. Tapping my foot I looked up from the ground when I heard someone approaching. Thinking it was Paul looked up with a guilty and sheepish smile but the eyes that looked back weren't Paul's.

If I have never fully expressed my dislike of smelly, greasy and perverted old men then now seems like the perfect time because that description matched the guy in front of me to a T. He winked before coming closer to me causing me to press my back against the wall behind me.

Eww, he was close enough I could smell his gross drunken breath. I fought the urge to gag as he leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Come on sweetie, I know you are waiting over here for me. And here I am." Out of the corner of my eye I saw his wink. My stomach continued to churn as he leaned in even closer. Sadly I knew my chances of help were freaking slim since well it isn't unordinary for a man to feel up a striper and since I work here all the men thought that I am in fact a striper. Also on of the guys coming to save me was even slimmer since it was dark and you would need awesome eye sight just to have seen me walk over to this corner.

Once again I repeat, fuck my life. The old guy started to kiss up my neck as I tried to pushed him away but lets face it I am weak. I am so screwed. I pushed harder against the man's chest but that seemed to make him angry. He pulled back and raised his hand in the air like he was going to smack me.

As predicted his hand smashed across my face followed by the all too familiar spasm of pain. My blood felt it was bowling inside me as my rage hit a new peak. The anger I felt when I started to beat Shaun was nothing compared to what I was feeling right now. My anger was caused by this arrogant bastard but also it was caused by my self hate! I wanted to tell Paul just how much I loved him so that look of hurt would leave his features for good and never come back but I couldn't do it.

I let all of my anger loose as I started to punch, kick and scream at the man who was trying to undo my pants. Not my fault, dude had it coming to him. My screaming of profanities must have alerted someone because next thing I knew the man was being carried away by a couple of huge guys and someone was standing in front of me approaching very slowly. Their hands were raised in a defensive manner, to show me they weren't of harm. Blinking I noticed how blurry my vision was. Raising a hand to my face I drew back with wet stuff on my hand. Great, tears and blood, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand I looked forward to see the person with their arms raised was Paul.

How stupid did I feel in that moment? Well pretty damn stupid. Not about beating the shit outta that man because he needed to learn that walking around groping girls is something you get your ass kicked for but I felt stupid for acting like such a teenage girl. I was being way to damn over dramatic right now! A giggle broke though my lips as I imagined myself on TV with some stupid cheesy theme song playing as the open credits played, teen drama series here I come!

My giggle soon turned into full out hysterical laughter. I walked towards Paul still laughing my ass off but I didn't want him to think I had crazy or anything. Once I was close enough I wrapped my arms around his warm waist.

"Paul…" it is really challenging to laugh really hard and laugh at the same time, "I am sorry."

A smile broke across his beautiful face, "Jessica, you have nothing to be sorry for. That guy had it coming to him and damn you beat him good. He's just lucky you finished him off before I got over here." He was laughing now too but for a different reason, but I could live with that.

Embry, Quil, Jake and Jared were soon elsewhere and we decided to ditch the club and get some food. We spent the rest of the night laughing and talking. Having a great time together and I truly enjoyed it. I knew this was one of those nights I would look back on and laugh my ass off again years from now.

The only difference is I know Paul is going to be right there beside me laughing along. I know he is going to be there because once I tell him how I feel if he decides to leave, he better hope that is knot untying skills are awesome because I am tying him to a freaking chair. No way am I letting something this awesome run away from me. Not ever.

And I plan on telling him all of this next chance I get. I am going to make sure he knows how much I love him and how much I always will.

**And cut! Thats a wrap people, good job!  
So yea there it is, hope it was enjoyable! I will try and update next chance i get and guess what?! Next chapter is in Paul's POV and Jess is finally told about the werewolf thingy! Yay! So yea, nothing left to say.... now you all know what to do.... starts with an R and involves the button just below this. ;)**

**Thanks for reading!  
Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	24. Truth my ass

**Disclaimer: if you think i own twilight then you are surely on something....**

**Hey-la peoples,  
So as promised, Jessica finds out in this chapter. And surely you can guess that the little secert will cause some drama and if you didn't guess that then now you know. **

**There are two peoples who really need to be put in the records as the best reviews and people i have ever met!- and no, i am not some person who doesn't leave her house ever and only talks to my pet fish who died last year :P- The first one is...drum roll please... TwilightHeart21! Truely they rock and not just them but their stories too, also her reviews always make me smile no matter what!! Then their is Ali92, she has been the best since i started this story and her story is also the best thing on this planet. Both of those authors are freaking amazing people and i owe them both a lot!**

**So enjoy!!**

_**Jessica's POV**_

"Bye."

"Paul, nooo, you can't make your kid commit suicide!!" Jake cried in mock horror as Paul flicked the small plastic boy across the table and onto the floor.

"I just did, so there! And plus Jakey, in my van we have rules." Paul crossed his arms over his chest and shot Jake a 'what now bitch' look.

"Hey, come on now. I am the police officer and this will be solved peacefully," Quil decided to intervene, "So, Paul what rule did this child break?" Quil put on some sunglasses quickly then slide them down to the tip of his nose. Quil raised an eyebrow at Paul from behind the glasses. I put a hand over my mouth trying to hide the laughter that was threatening to explode at any moment.

"That's easy officer. The rule in my van is 'don't do anything stupid'. And god, that kid did the stupidest thing you could do in my van!" Paul was waving his hands around like a mad man while he tried to explain his need to flick the kid off the board.

"Alright, and what did he do?" Quil now had a pad of paper in front of him and he was pretending to write stuff down.

"He sat on my freaking last box of OREOS!!! And when a rule is broken in my van we sacrifice the person who broke the rule, it helps please the god." Everyone was snickering by now, trying hard to stifle their erupting laughter.

Paul stood up and started to look for the little man, "Paul what are you doing with him?" Embry questioned as Paul sat back down with the little man in his hand.

"I have decided that I am Mr. Christie, the god of all cookies and raspberries. Therefore this dude needs to be sacrificed." We all gasped in horror as Paul brought the tiny plastic piece to his mouth, he was not going to eat that! I hope.

But of course he did, "Paul!" I cried in surprise, laughing at Paul's face as he swallowed the plastic. We all burst out laughing.

To clear up any confusion, we are that game called, 'Life'. We were planning to head down to the beach but as usual it started to rain, go Washington. So Jake said we should play a game and of course Quil, and his childish tendencies, agreed then convinced the rest of us to play as well. So now we are sitting in Paul living room – I never knew he had his own house? - playing Life.

Why some person felt the need to create a game about something we live ever day, i don't know. And jeez, they had to make life so damn simple in this frigging game too! Like god, why don't you just come out and say everyone's life sucks already! If I ever find the freaking person who invented this game, I am making him or her add in a 'you just dead' space then jump off the closest freaking cliff or building.

"Jessica, it's your turn to spin." Jake nudged me.

I was doing so badly at this game! Arg, I got the freaking pink and purple house that looks like someone eat too much Valentines Day shit then threw up on my house! And to make it even better I got the job entitled, "Entertainer." Quil found that hi-freaking-larious, and as you can guess he wasn't thinking about the singing kind of entertainment. Ooh no he was thinking of the kind you find where I work! I was no hooker! I may work with them but like hell I do not plan on joining them anytime soon!

Paul wasn't very happy about those comments but that only cause Jake to join in, making me laugh more since Paul got even anger. "Jessica? Spin the thingy already!" Quil poked my arm. Damn, I was hoping they would forget and skip me!

Never again shall I play that game willingly, ever! It was a hella lotta fun though! I really enjoyed myself for the first time in along time.

Last week was pretty awkward to say the least. I never intended on the guys knowing I work at the strip club but things never really go as planned since they found out. At first Quil and Jake were mostly shell shocked more then anything but then Jake started talking about the perks of having a friend who works with strippers…Haha like that would ever work for him… That Jared guy who I also met was really nice and excited to finally meet me since for some reason Paul always talks about me, as you can imagine that was an awkward moment.

Speaking of Paul, his reaction was well…not expected at all. When I thought about telling Paul all those time about what I did for a living the only outcome I could come up with his either him leaving me alone for the rest of my life or him getting super anger. Neither of those happened though. Instead he was worried about me, like insane intense worry. I explained though that I plan on quitting that job the next chance I get, but seeing as it is June, looks like a summer job is needed.

June!? I know right! That stupid group therapy thingy only started a few weeks ago in May but some how we got into June without me noticing… I already decided that I was freaking done with High School, I was going to take an online course and get my GED. Paul still has to finish grade 12 though so the next two weeks are going to be filled with my aloneness. He volunteered to skip so he could spend the day with me today but I told him no, he needs to finish High School.

So here I sit at Sam and Emily's watching TV since my mom has some new freaking twenty-something year old over at my house doing god knows what and trust me, god probably doesn't want to know either. My sister is no where to be found now a days, always running in and out of the house and never saying a word to anyone.

I have moved on though, as sad as it sounds I have moved on from my mom and sister. My mom wasn't there a lot and still isn't and as for my loving sister, she is beyond damaged. I love them both greatly but I have come to the decision that as long as I let them take a huge roll in my life I am just setting myself up for a relapse. I haven't had any drugs in just over a week… with drawl is not a fun experience! I was sick and I didn't move for two days since my body was in de-toxic mode.

God, I still would give anything for a joint right now or even better maybe some crystal to take the edge off but I promised Paul, Jake, Quil and Embry that I wouldn't touch the stuff again, ever. I know drugs are bad but once you get used to them it is freaking hard to stop! That is the other reason I am at Emily's right now, they wanted someone to keep an eye one me.

"Hey Jess, supper is ready, you want some before the guys get back and eat everything?" Emily poked her out of the kitchen; I swear that girl lives in that one room.

Nodding I went into the kitchen to get some food, I was starving! Taking my food I sat down at the little table waiting for them to get home. Don't get me wrong, I love hanging with Emily she is freaking awesome but I miss Paul. As if my thoughts were a signal, Paul walked into the little house the second after I thought that, creepy… but good!

Jumping up I ran over to hug him. He caught me in his arms instantly and swung me around before planting a sweet kiss on my lips. Embry, Quil and Jake came in soon after as well followed by Jared and Kim.

I met Kim a few days ago and she is really like my best friend right now, next to Leah that is. Both of them are my type of people! Kim may be shy but the girl is funny, sarcastic and quick witted making her someone I don't have to watch my comments around. Everyone was surprised when they saw Kim and Me together, saying something about Kim being a shy quiet person. Obviously they were mistaken because Kim was anything but quiet!

Leah was nasty and bitch but really she was just hurt, I could see it in her eyes every once and a while when she saw Emily and Sam together, it was sad and so was she. But her personally rocked! The three of us got along great.

"Hey Jess, you wanna come into the living room please." Sam's voice called out. Finishing off the last bit of my food I put the plate in the sink then made my way into the living room. Looking around I noticed only Sam, Emily, Paul and Leah were in the room. Where did everyone else go? I have to stop spacing out like that.

Taking a seat I noticed how tense everyone was, all staring at Paul with a look of concern. What was going on in here?

"Jessica, have you ever heard the legends of the Quileute people?" Sam's voice was very business like and formal when he asked. Shaking my head 'no' he sighed then began to tell me the legends about the cold ones and how his people descended from wolves…

The stories were like fairy tales, filled with love, hate, misfortune but no happy ending for the guy whose wife died. That chic was brave though to do that for the ones she loves, I can't even imagine what was running though her head when she killed herself. Well not in that situation at least, I would be lying to say I have never thought of killing myself.

"So Jessica what do you think about the legends?" Paul asked me as he shifted in his seat again for like the billionth time.

"I-…they were amazing. I'm not sure what else to say here, but it was like a fairy tale come alive or something." Putting thoughts into words was hard for me unless it involved music and this situation definitely didn't involve music. It could but well… the last thing I need is for them to think I am high again.

Paul breathed out a sigh of relief, "That's good that you like them. Because they are more then just stories Jess."

Okay…freakishly tall dude says what?

"Umm…I do not understand…?" What did he mean? That those stories were true?

"Well how do I say this?" He muttered more to himself than to me, looking up his eyes met mine, "Jessica, I am a werewolf and I imprinted on you."

"Wow…it isn't ever day you hear that one. Werewolf? Kinda hypocritically don't you think there Paul?" My anger was rising as my sarcasm leaked though, how could he!?

Urg…telling me to stop doing drugs then you come out says this stupid shit!

Whose high now Paul!?

"Jeez, I thought I was the druggy in this relationship but I guess I was wrong!" I stood up and walking into the kitchen, not bothering to listen to Paul's pleading.

The truth my ass!

**And cut! So there it is...truth as been told but not really taken so well. The next chapter starts off in a surpise POV, if you can guess who then i will send you the chapter before i post it! Just to elimate some people it is not from Paul's, Embry's, Quil's or Jake's POV and of course it is not from Jessica's either. Good luck guessing!**

**Thanks for reading.  
Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	25. A hypocritical druggie boyfriend

**Disclaimer: -Sigh- i do not own twilight...  
So here it is my friends... yay and i would like to say congrats to those of you who guessed the suripise POV correct! Good for you...  
****  
Also a huge, and i do mean freaking huge, thanks goes out to the TwilightHeart21... she is truely an awesome person whose stories make my life. If you enjoy reading amazing and orignal stories about imprinting then why the hell haven't you read hers? And if you have then good for you, you know what i am talking here!**

So yea...thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! Enjoy...

_**Emily's POV**_

A heavy silence fell on the room as Jessica stormed into the kitchen. I didn't dare look up from the ground due to the fact I don't think I could handle seeing Paul's face right now.

The image of Sam's face when I told him I was leaving him was still stuck in my mind. I felt my stomach twist in sympathy for the pain I knew Paul was in at the moment.

When Sam informed me of his werewolf-ness it was forced. All because we had gotten into a huge blow out over the fact he was keeping something from me and that annoyed me to no end. The argument ended badly though, really badly. He lost his temper well yelling at me that it was his secret and he didn't want me to feel forced. That's when he phrased in front of me. As weird as it is though, that accident is what has made our relationship so strong.

This is second time I have witnessed an imprint – apart from myself- being told the secret, the first one being Kimberly Connwell.

Ah, poor sweet and innocent Kim.

Her reaction was much different, no yelling and no broken objects- Jessica has already broken her phone…. For Kim it was only fainting really, it took about 20 minutes to wake her up again. Though she was completely shell shocked, she came around and was very excepting of Jared being a werewolf.

But then again Kim was nice, shy and naïve. Were as Jessica was a loud drug user who worked at a strip club… And I still love her like she was my sister, she can be a real sweet heart but that is only some of the time, the rest of said she scares me.

Sam pulled me closer as the loud noise of something being smashed echoed though the room. Tearing my gaze from the ground I looked up. First glancing into the kitchen, I couldn't see Jessica but the shattered pieces of a plate were visible. Then I looked over a Paul.

His face was enough to make my heart break. His shocked pain filled eyes were still staring into the kitchen and his mouth formed a perfect 'O'. The rest of his face crumpled up in manner that suggested he was trying his hardest to hold himself together at the moment.

Paul deserves happiness! And god dammit he is going to get it! It is time for an Emily intervention and possible some help from Leah….

_**Jessica's POV**_

Arg!!

I can't-he-but why- so stupid!

My thoughts are flying around so fast they are getting mixed together. I can not believe he thinks his a werewolf! My aunt Lilly's ass he's a werewolf!

Why can't my life just work for once? Like god, is that so much to ask!

Things were actually going good there for a while. Paul and I were doing awesome, and I had four freaking awesome best friends!

But now what do I have? A hypocritical druggie boyfriend who thinks he can turn into a wolf! With my three so-called best friends supporting the idea and the other one is no where to be seen!

Fuck.

My.

Freaking.

Life.

My anger continued to grow the more I thought about it, and I was thinking about it a lot in the current moment. I finally come to one thought.

How could he do this to me?!

I thought I meant something to him! Guess not!

Urg!! I need to break something, and now!

Searching around Emily's kitchen I find a plate sitting on the counter. Without even a second thought to the guilt I will surely feel later I grabbed the plate and threw it at the ground with all the force I could muster up.

As I watch the plate make contact with the ground then shatter into a million pieces I am somehow reminded of my normal solution to problems such as this…well not this particular problem since this I my first time dealing with it.

My normal solution involves some form of illegal drug and that idea is starting to sound perfect right now.

I bet if I was sneaky enough I could get out the back door and go find my guy-

"Jessica, its Emily and I'm entering the kitchen." Emily's voice echoed though the empty air.

Yea okay, so much for a stealthy exit on my part. O well, I can always go for a dramatic exit.

Standing up straighter I face the entrance to kitchen with my head held high. My new plan is simple; when Emily takes a sit at the table I am bolting out the back door. If they know whats good for them they won't even bother to chase me down.

Emily peeked her head around the corner before slowly taking a step into the kitchen, judging by the expression on her face she is kinda scared of me. Good, it would make my exit easier on both of us.

She hesitantly walked over to the table and sat down, finally taking her eyes off. That was all the permission I needed.

I bolted straight out the back door.

I continued running at full speed towards the road that led away form Sam and Emily's home and to Forks. I knew where my guy would be, he is always in the same spot. Granted I had some weed on me as well some crystal but I knew I would need more soon and now seemed like perfect time to buy some heavy shit.

Two can play at the game Paul started.

As I ran I speared one look behind me to see if anyone was following and no one was. As I turned my head back forward I ran right into a huge stone like object.

After falling flat on my ass I looked up to see what dumb ass was stupid enough to get in my way during a time like this one.

Shifting my gaze my eyes landed upon Leah.

She was standing in the middle of the road with her hands on her hips and an expression that would frighten any normal person. But who ever said I was normal?

I flipped her the finger followed by an anger glare. She just smirked down at me and offered her hand. Sighing I grabbed it and pulled myself into standing position beside her.

"Where you going in such a hurry Jess?" Her eyebrow was raised and her expression was one that expressed her concern and annoyance at the same time.

She knew just where I was going. She always has since I met her.

I could tell though she is trying to second guess herself, just like everyone else she didn't want me back on drugs. In truth I have been off drugs for

"Just around, you know." Leah's smirk faded and shook her head.

"I thought you said you were done with that bull shit Jess?" Her tone was anger but afraid. A new emotion I had yet to see on her face until now. The guilt quickly spread thought out my stomach as I realized that I had hurt her.

An explanation was needed, on my part.

"I know what I agreed to Leah but in that agreement my boyfriend getting high was not mentioned. I am only reaction in the way I am used to." My voice was soaked with deadly venom.

None of it was directed towards Leah but towards Paul.

No good son of a bitch.

She just shook her head again then reached over and grabbed my arm roughly.

Whispering 'stupid bastard told her.' Before swinging me over her shoulder.

I struggled but she was to strong. Soon she was off, running at an incredible speed. I had no time to blink before I was set back on the ground on the porch of Emily's back deck.

Spinning around I looked at Leah with the harshest expression I could form, she rolled her eyes back before pushing me back into the house.

I would have put up a fight but we all know there was no way I would beat Leah, that girl could step on me if she wanted to.

Letting out a deep annoyed sigh I stomped back into the house, right back into the same scene as before. Leah didn't stop pushing though, no she keep pushing until I was standing in the living where Paul and Sam where sited.

"You owe me, I brought her back to you dumb ass. So explain right this time because god knows I am not going after her again!" Leah hissed at Paul before making her exit into the kitchen where Emily was still sited at the table. Sam looked from me to Paul waiting for one of us to speak.

Nothing, zip, zero. Complete silence.

But to be fair Paul looked freaking stunned as hell right now so I can't blame for not talking.  
I can however blame him for a lot of other shit.

"Jessica, I know it may be hard to believe but what Paul told you was true and - " Sam face was pleading as he tried to get me to understand. Was he freaking stoned too?

Well hell, I am joining this party.

"OO don't even worry Sam I understand." I interrupted with my sweet tone. Sam's face relaxed and Paul seemed to come out of his trance. His eyes automatically snapped up to met mine with pure happiness and relief. Smirking I reached into my bad and slowly pulled out a joint well saying, "Just give me 5 minutes and I will be ready to join your little party there same. I never would have guessed you as a stoner but whatever."

Sam's face morphed again, first to confusion, then frustration then pure angry. Paul's face went to confused, to shock and lastly to hurt. Whatever, not my issue. Lighting the joint i brought it up to my mouth but just before I could take my hint the joint was gone from my hand.

"Jessica! Damn girl, you are one of a kind." Leah was standing right in front of my with joint in hand, "Look why don't you just sit down and I will take the liberty of explaining since this two dip-shits can't seem to get a handle on it."

I just stared at her. Was she on drugs to? No, that didn't seem possible, Leah was to smart to make that mistake and I know she has issue but there are none that would push her that far. She sighed then pushed me down onto the couch so I was sitting in between Paul and Sam, great.

"Okay, let's put it simply so you can understand," I glared at her for the jab at my intelligence, "We," she pointed at herself, Paul and Sam, "are werewolves. Simple enough right? Okay moving on to the details. We can change any time we want, no full moon needed. Silver doesn't affect us but it can some times clash with my outfit," she winked, leave it to Leah to add in some humor during a time like this, "What else? O our temperature is because of some freaky wolf thingy. Jake, Quil and Embry are also werewolves. I am the only female werewolf in the pack. When we get really anger we start to shake then phrase – that's wolf term for change into a wolf- and it can be dangerous. Am I forgetting anything boys?"

She raised an eyebrow at the stunned boys on either side of me, but that was not the most important thing in my mind. Paul was telling the truth?

O shit.

I am official crazy! Loopy I tell you! I would have to be since I believe her! Every word she said I believe. They are all werewolves. Wow, I never saw that one coming. Though it makes sense, they are all really warm and huge.

Arg! My boyfriend and best friends are werewolves! And I am okay with it! I need to go find my sanity.

"So what do you think Jessica?" She asked sweetly. At a lose for words I mumbled the only ones present in my crazy mind.

"I believe you."

**And cut!**

Now she knows...only took a lot of talking for her to believe but now she does! Yay!  
Okay i can not hold onto my excitement anymore, next chapter is the first mention of Paul's prom!! YAY!!  
SO exicted to pick out her prom dress! If you have any suggestions or pictures send me the link and i will take a look!

**Once again, go check TwilightHeart21's stories, you will not, i repeat, will not regret it! **

**Thanks for reading.  
Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	26. My own personal savoir

**Disclaimer: I do not own this twilight you speak of...**

**So yup. Here is chapter 26 and as promised prom is mentioned. A huge thanks goes out to TwilightHeart21 who literaly rocks this world! Her reviews make my day and her stoires make my life! Go check her out - not in that way people i mean go to her profile and read her stuff.**

**Yup... okay enjoy and thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. **

_**Jessica's POV**_

In a normal person's world, believing your best friend when she told you that your boyfriend, three other best friends and her are all werewolves would definitely get you sent to some mental hospital.

Not this girl's world.

This girl's crazy insane world now consists of werewolves and vampires.

In case you didn't catch that I repeat, **WEREWOLVES **and** VAMPIRES**!

(Just for those of you who are slow and didn't understand the fact that I am the girl that was mentioned in the first bit there.)

Leah was finally able to convince me about the whole wolf thingy so now here I am sitting though the longest talk ever! Sam apparently feels the need to talk and talk, and still talk some more. And not just about them being werewolves but also what he has entitled and I quote 'my problem.'

"Problem?" My tone had taken on a very condescending vibe, "Look buddy before you came along and went all high and mighty on my ass, it was not a problem. In fact it was the best thing to come into my life back then." To say I was testy was the understatement of the year! I was ready to go find a baseball bat and smash this guys face in, but I can see that causing a bit of an issue....

Quil, Embry and Jake were sitting on the couch across from me with Emily on the far end. Paul and Leah were on either side of me as Sam paced around the room with a pained expression on his face.

"Jessica, please just listen to me. I only want whats best for you and Paul-"

"Well then but out! Fuck Sam, this is my life and last time I checked I didn't invite you to take over and control it." I yelled at him. I tried to get up but of course Paul grabbed one arm and Leah the other making it impossible. Stupid freaking unfair wolf strength, always out to get me and hold me back.

"You're just not getting Jessica!" Sam was very close to a yelling volume but Paul's death glare caused him to back track, "I'm sorry but you have to understand that you're not the only one you'll be hurting if you continue doing that shit." His eyes shifted to Paul who was still holding my hand in his warm one, "If you continue it will kill Paul."

"Wow Sam, a bit melodramatic don't you think?" I knew whole heartily it would hurt Paul if/when I continued my habit but to say it would kill him… a bit over the top. I mean come one, it isn't like I am the only person Paul will ever be with.

"Imprinting is very powerful-" Sam began but I cut him off again, manners were never my favorite thing.

"Imprinting? And that is?" What hell does imprinting mean? Why was I not aware of this word and its meaning?

Complete silence –

Where's a freaking tumble weed when you need one?

I hate silence…

Starting to hate waiting too…

Looking around noticing very single figure in the room is frozen, all their stares fixed on Paul, who looks really worried and horrified. A 10 letter word has sent the room into panic mode…Wow guys.

"Anyone?" Still no answer from them and no one loosened up either, instead they kept looking over at Paul whose eyes were still uncertain.

"Okay, feeling a little left out here guys" This is getting a little annoying…Is it to much to ask that someone, anyone say some thing?

"Okay whatever don't talk to me, I will just keep rambling on until someone gets to annoyed and tells me to shut up" That trick normally works on my sister so I figure that I might as well try.

"So one time I was standing outside by this tree…the tree was freakin huge and had tons of pears on it…I am not to fond of pears though so that detail is pretty insignificant to me…while standing I got bored so decided that a book would make for some good entertainment."

Sucking in a deep breathe a keep on going.

"That idea was quickly shot down though when I realized two small things. One being the my house wasn't anyway near me since I was out in the middle of some forest and two well I was kinda… to be blunt high and didn't remember where my house was."

Looking around noticed every one cringed slightly at that comment.

"As I continued to sit there trying to figure out where in the world I was I noticed the glint of the sun reflecting off the some water and thought ' you know my life sucks as it is so why not go find some water…' Getting up I made my way over to the water but I all of a sudden this little man in a wedding dress jump out a berry bush and landing right in my path."

Wow no reaction to that…you'd think they would at least give me strange looks.

"I asked the man if he would kindly move so I could continue my journey to the water and you know what he did? He told me to shut it princess or he is calling Santa and having him put me on the must a die long and quite frankly boring death. Laughing at him thinking he was joking only made he get out his what I assume was a phone but it looked kinda like a frog wearing a Polly pocket outfit but who was I to judge. SO I stood there waiting for him to dial and it was taking for ever mind you -"

"Jeez Jess! I thought you were kidding! We get it so shut it please." Embry threw a pillow in my direction as he half shouted this at me.

I hate to say I told you so…

Wait no I don't.

TOLD YOU!

"Yea well what can I say? So has someone finally decided to inform me on the o so secret word of 'imprinting'." I formed some lovely air quotes around the word but no one reacted, taking a shot in the dark I said, "Is this some wolf thingy?"

They all nodded numbly except for Paul whose eyes finally wondered up from the floor and found mine. He kept looking at me as if he was looking for some signal in my eyes. I am guessing he found what he was searching for since he began to talk to me like no one else was in the room.

_**Paul's POV**_

"Okay, I do owe you an explanation on this one and please for the love of god believe me this time around." I smiled a little as she nodded, "Alright so imprinting… okay well yea imprinting is a wolf thingy as you put it and it is supposed to be rare but a lot of the pack have imprinted so rare is not the word. It is very special though, I guess the best way to explain imprinting is by saying that it steers you in the direction of your soul mate."

I knew I had to say this in a way she would understand. Sam and Jared may have been all sweet and romantic but with my girl it needs to be done in her language. Taking a deep breathe a keep on going.

"When you see that person for the first time the thoughts in your head are like screw gravity my world is all about this person in front of me. They quickly become the reason you breathe and the very reason you do everything. When you see them cry your first thought is who am I beating up?" She cracked at smile at that and it made my heart swell to know she was understanding and not accusing me of some weird pass time again.

"Basically imprinting completes your life. That person is everything you live for and everything you'd willing die for." I finished with a dramatic pause. Her smile had faded by now and she had that cute little crease in between her eyebrows, it usually meant she was trying to figure something out. The crease got deeper and her popped open into a small adorable 'o' shape, but I could from the look in her eyes that she found the answer she was searcher for.

The pain in her eyes caused my heart to shatter and a streak of pain shot though my chest. What was wrong?

Was it something I did?

Something I said?

Is she okay?

Shifting her gaze to the floor she opened her mouth to speak, "You imprinted didn't you?" Her whisper was broken and raspy. I could hear the tears in her voice but none were falling yet.

She was upset because I imprinted?

The realization sent my whole body into a searing pain and it took all my concentration not to phrase. I was causing her pain. It was me who had made her like this. It was in that second that for the first time I wished I could undo the imprinting, if it meant she would smile again or laugh then hell I would jump under a moving train.

Her expression was hollow when she looked up into my eyes, she quirked her eyebrow at me in a questioning manner. O I forgot to answer her question. Unable to form the words I just shook my head yes.

Her expression changed into a more heartbreaking look.

My already shattered felt like someone had taken the piece set them on fire. Then threw them into a dumpster only to have the contents of said dumpster thrown into the deep oceans, were the pieces sank down to the very bottom.

Where it is dark, cold and most of all lonely.

_**Jessica's POV**_

All the pieces fit together now. He had imprinted. The very reason why he was telling me all this stuff.

I can't believe it.

I don't _want_ to believe.

I could fell the tears becoming even more persistent when he nodded his head in answer to my question. Looking away I knew I would have to put on a brave face, trying to make it seem like I didn't just found out that my whole world was a lie.

Suicidal is never something I wanted to be. But it has come up before. After everything that happened hell it should have been my nickname but that's when Paul came in.

Paul. Sucking in a deep shaky breath I said good bye to my only reason left.

"Well I'm happy for two." The tears started to stream down my face as I finished. Saying goodbye was something I never wanted to do when it came to Paul, he was my everything. I knew this was dangerous from the start but I couldn't help myself. To see him with anyone else would be to much so why wait around for that to happen?

My thoughts were interrupted by a warm finger tilting my head upwards. My eyes fell upon Paul's smiling face. What the fucking hell? Why is he smiling!? I am breaking down inside and thinking about taking my own fucking life and here he is smiling!

"Silly girl, I imprinted on you! No one else Jess, just you. Forever you." His voice was so soothing it some how managed to calm the tears downs to a normal flow. Looking away for a second I processed that new information.

... ... ... please wait well information is processing ... ... ...

Opps, that one was my bad. Looks like I got all worked up for nothing. My heart swelled with the thought that he was mine, forever. Mine and mine only. The tears kept on going but this time it was for the pure happiness I felt inside.

HE IMPRINTED ON ME!!

"God, I love you Paul." The words were out of my mouth before I even began to think them but that didn't mean they weren't true. Trust me, I truly meant them.

"I love you more then you could ever understand Jessica. So this leaves one question." He got up from the couch and bent down on one knee.

Shit!

O no he isn't!

Shit! Shit! Shit and more SHIT!

"Jessica will you…" My heart picked up pace with the thought of the words that could follow that. I heard Emily and Leah gasped in the background.

Oo yea, I forget they were in the room.

Looking around I noticed everyone's eyes were popping out of their heads, looks like I am not the only who is surprised by this, "Go to prom with me."

Silence…

WHACK! Leah had leaned over and smacked Paul upside the head, "Jack Ass! I though you were going to ask something else there!" Emily nodded along with everyone else. Looking down at him unable to contain my smile I nodded.

He was truly made for me wasn't he?

My own personal angel… well not an angel, he would make a horrible angel since I am pretty sure you have to be nice or kind to be one of those and Paul is not in that category. But he is romantic and sweet and caring, all wrapped up in a package addressed to me.

My own personal savoir.

**And there we go. prom was mentioned. yup... not much else to say there... if you have a suggestion for her prom dress or kim or leahs then let me know! CHECK OUT TwilightHeart21! DO it... you know you want to. **

**Thanks for reading and reviews are great.  
Swimming Cutie xoxo**


	27. The hell hole

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.**

**So here it is! I love this chapter because it mentions the prom dresses! I had way to much fun finding these dresses... thats sad on my part...**

**Anyways huge and i do mean huge thanks goes out to one of the best people on this site...at least i am going to assume she is human... TwilightHeart21...you never really think to ask that when talking the them... so yea she rocks and so do her STORIES! GO READ!!!!!!!**

**So enjoy...**

_Jessica's POV_

Shaking kept going but maybe if I ignore it will stop…

"WAKE UP!!"

"O JESSICA!"

Well there goes all hope of sleeping in today…

Sighing I rolled over and pulled myself into a sitting position on my bed – Oo… I mean Paul's bed.

I know what your thinking, but stop that thought train right there pal.

First off Paul didn't even sleep in his bed last night because he was on patrol all night and second I couldn't – wait no, wasn't allowed go home.

You see after Paul asked me to his prom – I would take him to mine but my school discreetly informed me I am not allowed at my own prom – he drove me home and well home isn't the right word to describe what I found.

Kissing Paul goodbye I assured him the yelling from inside was nothing to be worried about, my mom sometimes yells at the TV.

_**- Flash Back -**_

"Jessica, are you sure? I mean I could come in with you or better yet get back in and you can stay at my place."

Smiling sadly I shook my head 'no'. I knew all to well that glint in his eyes, he was worried about me and as sweet as that is I am not going to tell him that worry is well founded.

The yelling could be heard outside and down the drive way where we were standing. Leaning in I kissed him one last time before waving goodbye.

I watched and waited until I saw his truck slowly leave, his eyes never looking away from me while I stood outside my front door.

Taking a deep breath I tried to push away the thoughts of running after his truck and begging him to take any way but here. Telling him what I knew was really going inside the walls of my home would hurt him more then me and I have put him though enough.

The front door was unlocked as normal so I slipped in pretty quickly. I could see my mother's small figure hunch over on the couch as she watched TV. Kristen was in the kitchen as usual probably making supper.

From the odor inside I knew my mother was well past drunk.

Again.

Her little performance of caring when it came to Shaun had me thinking maybe she changed and she cared about us.

I was so wrong.

All she wanted was some place to crash after getting completely wasted at some bar or a place to bring her clients.

Yup, that's right she is still in that game. Everyday she brings home all this gross and creepy old men, who in the past have tried to have their way with Kristen or me.

I waved to Kristen when she turned around. Kristen was truly an angel, that girl was the only reason I am alive today. She was there after Shaun beat me senseless to make sure I was okay and now she is here to deal with my drunken ass of a mother.

She half smiled back at me then continued making dinner, she didn't want to draw any attention to me since that normal leads to my so called mother throwing shit at people.

As I was walking up the stairs, of course, I stubbed my toe and let out a curse. Mommy dearest heard and whipped around in her chair.

"O look whose home finally. Done being a whore for the night?" Ignoring her shrill slurred words i picked myself up off the stair where I fell. But she just kept on going with the verbal abuse.

"Decide to come join your family, or do we even count as that anymore? Since you are always out with those other people? You know the big guy whose on steroids and is only with you since your easy" That one cut deeper then I would have liked.

"and that bitchy girl who is probably sleeping with guy around but loves to pretend she is better then that or that skinny shy chic who is going to die alone since there is no way anyone would really want to be with her?" She was standing now at the bottom of the stairs. She yelled her hurtful words up the stairs. Even after I had shut my bedroom door I could still hear her.

"What a fucking sad accuse of a family you've scraped together there hun. I'd loved to say you could do better but well you can't. Hell, what wouldn't I give to have you out of this family?" That's when my door flow opens and there she stood in all her drunken glory.

She moved fast, I'll give her that. She lunged for a lamp and threw it before I could even duck. It never hit me though.

I should have known he would stay to make sure I was okay but I guess I forgot that he was stubborn.

Paul caught the lamp just before it hit my face. He some how came though my second story window, guess having a super human boyfriend can come in handy. Without muttering a word he threw me over his shoulder and went back out the way he came.

_**- End of Flash Back -**_

To say the least he wasn't happy I had lied and not informed him about my situation at home. But he was happy I was okay.

Now he refuses to let me go home, ever.

He even has the pack in on it! Embry, Jake, Quil, Leah, or Jared always knows where I am just in case. In case of what, I still don't know. I mean come on, my mother may be a little mentally unstable but she is to damn lazy to get off her fat ass and come find me.

But that's all beside the point because right now I have Leah holding a bucket of ice water above me as I sit on Paul's bed – which is really comfy. Kim and Emily are standing in the corner with very amused smirks on their faces.

"Get your skinny ASS out of BED right now or this bucket of water is going to enjoy being poured over you." I knew Leah was completely serious and she would do it to.

"Yea, yea I'm going. Calm your panties there psycho." Grumbled I jumped out of bed and bushed past Leah who was smiling triumphantly.

Quickly pulling on some pink skinny jeans and my black hoodie I made my way into the kitchen to grab some food before we left. You see, Kim and Leah will also be attending the La Push high prom so they, ok more like Kim insisted we all go dress shopping together. In all honestly I didn't want to wear a dress but apparently it is mandatory if you want to set foot in prom.

Stupid prom roles.

_You gotta help me out  
It's all a blur last night  
We need a taxi 'cause you're hung-over and I'm broke  
I lost my fake I'd but you lost the motel key  
Spare me your freakin' dirty looks  
Now don't blame me  
You want to cash out and get the hell out of town_

_Don't be a baby  
Remember what you told me  
Shut up and put your money where your mouth is  
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas_

_Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now  
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas_

_Why are these lights so bright  
Oh, did we get hitched last night, dressed up like Elvis,  
And why, why am I wearing your class ring?  
Don't call your mother  
'Cause now we're partners in crime_

_Don't be a baby  
Remember what you told me  
Shut up and put your money where your mouth is  
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas_

_Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now  
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas_

"Never again in this freaking life time! I repeat Leah, NEVER AGAIN!" She just laughed at me again. For the tenth time today.

We just got back from the hell hole I was dragged to this morning, or as Kim and Emily call it heaven or as Leah called it 'A Mall.'

Apparently they decided I wasn't allowed to go home until I had the perfect dress. I did though and I really do love it! (All dresses on profile.) It is a black dress with white polka dots all over it. The top is halter with two thick black strips that crisscross under the bust line. Then the rest is just a piece of long flowy fabric. I really, really love and I hope Paul does too.

Kim and Leah both found awesome dress too! Leah's is a strapless long blue dress. It is all different colors of blue mixed together, it kinda reminds me of a little kid finger painting with all different blues…but in a pretty way…

Kim's dress is gorgeous. It is a warm floral pattern with a dark red strip just below the bust. Truly striking on her because her dark skin color just makes the warm reds and green flowers pop!

I can't wait for prom now, mostly just so I can see Paul's face when he sees me in this dress…


	28. We are gonna turn some heads tonight

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight...**

**So hello there people... I am so beyond sorry about making you guys wait for this chapter! Arg, i am a horrible auther. I got sucked up in my new story and this one slipped my little attention spand challenged mind! So SORRY!! But here it is... next chapter is prom plus a surprise... but after reading it won't be that much of a surprise...**

**So enjoy and once again SORRY!! **

_**Paul's POV**_

"I can not do this! I repeat, CAN NOT!"

"Paul calm down, for Christ's sake." Jake stopped listen to me a while ago but continued to say things like that to me, some friend i got. "We all know she will say yes."

"Yea man, trust us we know her pretty well and she will say yes even though I am pretty sure you will mess this up somehow." Embry said after Jake finished.

"Jessica can't say no and if she does then just get down on both knees and beg! Remember though she isn't one for huge romantic things so whatever stupid plan you made, you might want to re-think it cause one sign of over romantic bull shit and she is gone dude."

"Quil, Jake and Embry shut it! You are no fucking help! God, where in the hell is Jared?" My long continues pace never broke stride as I yelled the words across the room to where Quil, Jake and Embry had stationed themselves in front of _my_ x-box where they were playing _my_ call of duty.

"Right here man." Jared walked though the door with his usually care free saunter in place. Bastard.

"Jared what the fuck?! I needed you here 30 minutes ago! I am freaking out and all you can say is here man!?" I yelled in his face well all he did was stare back at me with an amused smirk.

"Paul chill. Now tell me what you plan on doing." Jared settled himself down into a chair. The whole time watching me and waiting for me to reveal my brilliant plan…if I had one that is.

O fuck my life.

_**Jessica's POV**_

They say you learn something new every day. Man is that true.

Today I learned that Leah and I should never in public.

Never. Ever. Ever.

I guess I should explain. You see Emily booked us all appointments to get our hair and nails done for prom tonight – you can almost see my excitement… - At some fancy hair place in Port Angels. Leah didn't think I would want to go so she tricked me in to coming! Wonder were she got that idea? O maybe from the time when they forced me to go dress shopping!

Anyways, she basically told me that we were going to Port Angels to check out this new music store they had. So me being the girl who loves music, I jumped at the chance.

It took about 2 hours to get there, it would have been faster but Emily insisted on driving since apparently Leah doesn't have the best track record with cars on the highway. Or in her case, she doesn't have the best track record when it comes to the number of cars that make it off the highway after she gets though.

Kim and I sat in the back and talk most of the way down. That girl is such a sweet heart, gotta love her.

I could tell from her posture though that she was a little apprehensive about being near me. Can't blame her though, I do give off that wonderfully welcoming vibe – sarcasm being used all over that last part.

Since prom is tonight – oh my god shot me now! - The place was packed.

Girls every where waiting for hair, make up and nail experts to wait on them. I have never been the kind of girl who loves this kind of thing, but there is no way to get out this without a huge scene being made and Leah killing me.

Sighing deeply I sat my ass down in a waiting chair while Emily talked to the plastic fake tanned wanna-be at the front desk. I tend to get a little judgmental when I am slightly angry.

Soon after that I was sitting in a hard chair with my back turned to a mirror well the chatty lady in front of me did my hair… you can almost sense my pure joy in the matter… urg. So I did what any annoyed teenage girl would do… ask a million questions all at once.

"Are you done?"

"What are you doing?"

"Are you cutting my hair or just putting it up?

"Where are Leah and Kim?"

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

"Is my hair going to fall out when I get older?"

"Why are you a hair dresser? Why not like a llama rider?"

"Is it just me or does this apple look like it is plotting world domination?"

"When did someone last sweep this floor? It looks gross… lots of dead hair sitting down there…"

"Do you think I am short? Because I have been told my whole life that I am, but what's wrong with being short?"

"Did you cut your own hair? Because id you did, I am so gone! I mean look at it…"

That lady loved me… told me to shut it after ten minutes.

Once my hair was done – I was still not allowed to look in the mirror… that just pissed me off more – I was dragged, by Leah and her force, to the make-up counter…

I kinda sorta knocker over two chairs, kicked a random man, almost killed Leah and then my swearing was the icing on that cake. All in all, I looked like I had gone crazy…but whatever.

Now, I know for a fact that they do not do make-up the way I do!

So I think my suggestion was reasonable.

I gave them a photo of the way I normal look and they just copy that but make it more elaborate. Sounded great to me, but evidently not to Leah, Kim or Emily. They basically had Leah hold me down well the lady smeared shit on my face… not real shit just crap make up.

"Jessica, you look in the mirror now." Emily hesitantly told me as they all took a step back. This must be good.

Turning the chair around, I came face to face with the girl looking back at me. She was… different. Not horrible or perfect but different.

Her hair was pulled back into a semi up-do with her side bangs falling freely onto her face. The back part of her was tied in a loose bun type thing and single strands floating down her back.

Then there was her face.

Once again, it was different.

Not a single red mark or blemish was visible but the foundation wasn't noticeable either. Jeez, at this rate she could do acme med commercial - note to self; keep that idea in mind. Her eye make-up was close to what she does dark black rimmed eyes with the far side of it pulled out a little further. On top of her eye lids was a smoky affect, it started off pitch black where the eye liner was but then faded into a grey.

There was light blush on her cheeks and her lips were glossed in a clear liquid.

The more I looked at myself the more I noticed that I really liked this look. Not for normal day of course but for the occasion it was perfect.

Turning around the chair I felt a smile crawl onto my face, I felt new. Looking around I got a glimpse of the girl's expressions, they were nervous. I would be too but at least I wasn't going to throw a chair or scream.

Taking a better look at them I became aware of the way they looked. Kim had the innocent look going on. Her raven black hair was pulled back at the sides but left the under layer to flow freely over her shoulders and her make up was simply but stunning. She looked gorgeous.

Then there was Leah. Holy Shit! I have never seen in her make up or her hair done, this was a first. Her black shinning hair was pulled back into one of those little puffs at the front of her head well the rest of her hair draped over her shoulders. Her make up was perfect. It was very minimal, only a slight trace of eye liner and some lip gloss. She truly looked beautiful.

We are gonna turn some heads tonight!

**Paul's POV**

"Paul we are leaving!" Jared called though the bathroom door where I had locked myself and was trying not to hyperventilate.

How the hell was I going to do this!

Jared helped me come up with a plan but what if she said no?

I mean, we have only been together for like 2 months now!

She knows I am bonded to her but what if this is too soon?

Maybe I should just back out…

Yea, another time will work better.

Unlocking the bathroom I found Jared standing there with a 'no bullshit' expression.

"Don't even think about it Paul. You are asking her tonight! No if, ands or buts buddy!" Jared told me as he shoved the ring box into my jacket pocket.

I swear this butterflies – wait no, that's to girly… that's make them pit bulls – are going to town on the walls of my stomach. If it throw up then it is all Jared's fault.

Oh God… here we go.

**So yea, thats it! Fluff-ish i know... but next chapter is PROM! Woot...**  
**Can you guess what the surprise in the next chapter is? Anyone?  
Okay so i have to thank a certain someone, named TwilightHeart21! She rocks not only at reviewing but also at writing, so check her out! You know you want to! So thats about it for this chapter... except... SORRY AGAIN!!! I am really treuly sorry, not just saying it! SO sorry!**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing!  
Swimming Cutie xoxo**

**P.S - that part about reviewing was a little hint.... :P **


	29. DANGER GRAD!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight!**

**So here is chapter 29! Sadly this story is almost over, i am going to for 32 chapter. Meaning only 3 left! Now i need to thank one amazing person. TwilightHeart21! She is freaking awesome. I can turn to her for anything and she is there, her stories can make me laugh, cry, and shake from fear. I owe her so much! Go read her stories because they are the best on this site! Thank you to everyone who reviewed also!!**

**Enjoy chapter 29!**

_**Jessica's POV**_

"Girls! Come one already! We have been though this twice! You are making an entrance, I don't care if you want to or not! This is an order not a flipping request!" Emily's annoyed voice drifted up the stairs to the room where Leah, Kim and I sat with a deck of cards in hand.

I have gotten to know Kim really well. I have met her parents and stayed at her house a lot lately too. She is becoming my best friend fast but she is so awesome. I love that girl, she can be kinda shy but any other side she is wild and just a blast to hang with!

We have been playing crazy eights for the last two hours while Emily attempted to organize the perfect meeting, the point where the guys would see us for the first time. I had tried to explain that the guys would honestly not give a damn how we entered the room but Emily was hell bent on this being perfect.

"GIRLS! Get your asses down here now! They are on their way!" I have never heard Emily swear before… wow. Sighing I looked over at Kim and Leah who were already on their feet gesturing towards the open door.

Together we all walked down the stairs to face a very happy looking Emily. Too happy…

"So the guys are on their way right now. We have ten minutes before they arrive and yes Leah, they picked up Stephen on the way." Emily informed us as she moved around the room making sure everything look cleaned.

Stephen was Leah's date for the prom. Poor kid, he asked her just before school finished and from the way Leah told the story he sounded super nervous. He was driving with Paul and Jared right now; they are probably giving him a hard time knowing them.

"Breath Emily. You will get your stupid little pictures of us before we leave to get drunk and dance the night away." Leah said as she stalked down the stairs when Kim and I following.

Emily frowned at the statement but said nothing about it. With a camera as her weapon she began running around the room, trying to make it picture worthy… looked fine to me.

"Okay, they are here! AHH!" And cue the screaming mess that is a frantic Emily Young… where the hell is Sam? "Okay, ummm Leah!! Grab them and pull them into the kitchen!!" Emily half screamed as she continued to run around like a chicken with their head cut off...

Leah rolled her eyes but grabbed both us before pulling the two of us into the kitchen. My girly side – and yes, there really is one… some where deep deep **deep** done there is… I think. – was getting really excited about this.

Not just the dance or dinner but the fact that for once I am going to be able to send time with my friends and boyfriend without any major drama happening.

I mean, that has never happened and I don't want to ruin it… which is the reason I chose to remove the weed and crystal from my purse.

I am not getting high tonight and I am not drinking.

If I told myself that one year ago, I would laugh myself unconscious but standing here right now in Emily's kitchen with Kim and Leah by side, I can believe it.

In the back of my mind that voice is still there telling me that everything is better when I am drunk/high and fuck it may be right but like hell am I going to test that.

Leah nudged me getting my attention again. She was getting the entrance signal from Emily, meaning we get to enter the living room, joy. Kim was the first to go in and you could hear Jared's huge intake of breath as he took in her gorgeous dress.

Leah got up next to go in; Emily put her in middle because she said it would balance out the weirdness caused by the imprints. Stephen's voice shook as he complemented Leah on her dress, hair and make-up.

Peeking around the corner I saw Emily wink at me, looks like it is my time to shine… great.

Taking a deep un-need breath I walked around the corner.

Then there was only him.

Standing there alone, dressed in a clean black and white suit. But awesome kind of suit, the one where everything is black with a white tie, it matched my dress to a T. I almost stopped walking when a grin to big for his face slipped out, it may sound cliché but I know my heart stopped.

Right now is one of those rare moments where I know that some director out there would kill to have this on film. This would be that cheesy lovely dovey moment where the whole crowd goes 'awww' and the unromantic people roll their eyes but secretly wish they were the ones in the movie.

I have known for some time that I am meant to be with this guy, and that I will always love him but right now it finally hit home.

Screw all the crap I have been though, all the shit I have done to myself and others because he is sticking around. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I was just waiting for him to pack up and leave me one day but right now, in this moment I know that he won't.

Because if he ever did then hell, his suitcase better be big enough to fit me cause I am coming along anyway! I wrapped my arms around his waist – being short has it difficulties… - and hugged him tight as possible.

I didn't notice I was crying until I pulled back and he wiped his thumb along my cheek to remove the fallen tears. "You look absolutely breath taking love."

Smiling sadly I tried to hide my face in his wonderfully hard abs – whatever scent he had one he needs to wear more often - but Emily caught sight of me, my tear stained face in particular.

I have learned to fear an anger Emily. Even with my giant werewolf proctor around I fear her, mostly because Sam is his alpha and does what ever she asks of him… cringe.

"Jessica!! Did you honestly just ruin your perfect make up?!" Her voice went up an octave or two as she spoke. I felt Paul's arms tighten around my waist as the cliquing of her heels got closer to us.

I knew already that Paul had grown to fear her as well, for the same reason as me plus he was worried she would stop feeding him… how she feeds all of them is beyond me.

"Maybe…" I squeaked out but it was muffled by Paul's chest. Pulling my face back I ducked my head and glanced to my right. I was met by a pair of fierce of green eyes that I knew belonged to Emily.

I drew back some more and this time I saw her smirk, "Just joking with you hun. Now go on and have some fun already!!" She said before stretching out her arms for a hug.

Letting go of Paul's warm waist I walked right into her waiting arms. I hugged with all of my force and she returned it. Pulling back she brushed her fingers under my eyes to remove the spots where the make up had ran. Letting go of her I walked back over and resumed my spot with Paul. Burying my face in his warm chest again and breathing in his wonderful scent.

This was a first for me. For once I was acting normal, nothing weird going on – while apart from the fact that half the people I would be spending the night with have the abilities to burst into huge wolves on will… like I said nothing weird.

I felt like a normal teenager. Not one who lost their father, got beaten by their sister's abusive boyfriend because they mother abandoned them so she could go out and sell her body leaving the young lady to turn to drugs and alcohol. What a life that is.

But no, right now I felt… whole. I had to smile at the thought of me being normal. Untangling my arms from Emily I reached down and grabbed Paul's hand before walking towards the door.

We weren't to Prom right away; nope we were going to get dinner. Poor Stephen, he is only going to be the only guy who doesn't eat so much food there needs to be a law against.

Once we sited Paul and Jared started talking food with each and soon Leah had joined in leaving me and Kim to talk to Stephen. This could be fun… cue my evil side.

"So Stephen, how long have you known Leah?" My tone was sweet and luckily he didn't know me well enough to understand that my whole act was a trap. A trap made to embarrass, judging by Kim's smirk she knew.

"Since tenth grade." He answered in a calm voice.

"Oh, that's almost three years!" Kimmy chimed in, looks like she in on the plan too.

"Yea, I guess it is." He spoke with uncertainty, but not the nervous kind, the kind when you are speaking to someone who just said something along the lines of 'the sky is blue today'.

"And how long have you been in love with her?" I kept my same tone. His cheeks became red the second the question was put out there.

"Uhh… welll…I-" He stuttered while trying to find an answer to the question.

"Must have been a long time. I mean judging by the way you look at her." Kim's facial expression had changed into the expression of someone who was missing a lot of IQ points. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was opened slightly forming a small 'O'. I love that girl.

"I mean… euh…She…I guess-" He still has no answer, o well more fun for me and Kimmy.

"But is it really love or just lust?" Kim asked this time, her face still frozen in the same expression. She was doing really weird hand gestures when she talked now too, only adding to the hilarity of the situation.

"Lust?" His tone was hesitant and shaky now. I know I may sound mean for doing this but come on, a little fun never hurt anyone… at least the last time I checked it never did.

"Yea, you know when you think you love her but it isn't your heart or head that's loving. Nope, it is a little further down-" I started to explain but I was cut off by Leah.

"Jessica and Kim, leave him alone." Leah pleaded and we both nodded reluctantly.

"Yea, poor guy already had to spend the night with Leah and the last thing he needs is to be bugged about it." Kim said very stealthy as she turned to look at her menu. I covered my mouth with my hand in hopes of muffling the giggles and I knew Paul and Jared were doing the same.

Stephen had no idea what we were laughing about though because Kim said it so quietly I only hear since I am sitting beside her and while the rest of them have super hearing.

**Paul's POV**

"So what are you getting?" Jared asked me while looking over his menu. I hadn't even read the names of the food yet, I was to busy watching Jess smile. She looked beyond amazing right now.

"Not sure yet…" I trailed off as I started to read though the menu.

Jared looked over to Kim and Jess for a quick second before he spoke, "Decided when you are going to do it yet?" His voice was so low that the others had no chance of hearing it. But of course, Leah did.

"Do what?" She asked with a suspicious look on her face.

"He is going to pop the question." Jared answered for me but not without winking at me… kinda creepy and weird…

"Paul!? You're going to ask her to marry you!" I have never heard Leah squeak like that before… so she is a girl, "When? When are you asking her?"

Sigh I answered with the truth, "Sometime tonight but I am not sure when yet. You will know after I ask and she tells you." I said in a final tone hoping that they would drop it.

Without looking away from my menu I listened in on what Jess was saying to Stephen and Kim.

"Yea, you know when you think you love her but it isn't your heart or head that's loving. Nope, it is a little further down-" Her lovely angelic voice was cut off my Leah telling them to leave him alone.

"Yea, poor guy already had to spend the night with Leah and the last thing he needs is to be bugged about it." Kim's voice was so low that only the wolfs and Jess caught it. I saw Jess cover her mouth but myself and Jared didn't even bother to try and hide our laughter.

Little Kimmy has finally been brought over to the dark side. Leah frowned but then start to laugh along with us. Leah has changed a lot since she met Jessica. She used to be cold and distant from the pack but now she a lot warmer and has a much better sense of humor.

Embry said it was because she saw what Jess has lived though and how she smiles and laughs so that got Leah thinking that maybe she can do the same. Embry only knew that because he was listen while they were on patrol a few nights back.

My angel has saved two people. Myself and Leah. God I love that girl with all of my heart and more. I want her to say yes when I ask, I want her to say she wants to me in her life because it makes her happy. I am want her to be happy no matter what.

**Jessica's POV**

Most teenage girls love prom. They really love all the glitter and dancing and the whole thing but I am not one of those girls.

Prom is fun I guess. I mean any situation that gives me a chance to hold onto to Paul I will gladly take, but I don't need all the lights and dresses.

The theme of the dance was a night in Paris – cliché I know. The gym looked amazing though, it was decorated in black and white pictures of Paris and they had all pink and purple flowers taped the walls.

I left like I was in a Paris, in a dream state though. It was mind blowing to stand there and look around, everything was gorgeous. I still can't get over the fact I am here, I am at Paul's prom with him!

I feel like I am dreaming. I am the luckiest girl ever; to have Paul want me is beyond anything I could have wished for. He is my lucky star and always will be. Even if they play pop music at his prom…

We got here almost two hours ago and so far they have played six slow songs while the rest where the latest one hit wonders. They did play some of the Offspring at one point but that was really it. Go prom…

"Jessica!" I turned around to see Kim coming my way, "Come on, we are dancing and you are coming so shove whatever smart ass comment you thought of up your ass and follow!"

I will give her credit, Kim knows how to party. Smiling at her I shook my head and walked behind her. She was walked right over to Leah who was already swaying to the music and we form a tiny three person circle.

I do not hook up by Kelly Clarkson came one and Kim got right into it. She was dancing away and having a good time too so Leah and I followed suit. I could feel Paul's eyes on my back and for some reason I knew he smiling. That was most likely because he had been doing that all night, watching my face and smiling like he had found the most important thing to him.

Prom seemed to end fast after that. The lights soon came on and people where going to find their rides home. The last song played was a slow song, Cancer by My Chemical Romance, so when the lights came on I was in the arms of Paul.

He smiled bending down to place his warm soft lips on mine. It was a shirt kiss but still worth it, always worth it. I grabbed his hand and we walked out front to see Kim sitting atop a picnic bench with Jared standing in front of her. They were making out in front of the school… awkward.

Leah and Stephen were talking a few feet away, very nonchalantly ignoring Kim and Jared. Laughing slightly at my new idea I whispered to Paul, "You go get Leah, I call getting Kim." He saw the glint in my eyes and pecked my on the lips before sauntered over to Leah.

Walking as quietly as possible I snuck up on the happy couple from behind Jared. Peeking around Jared's shoulders I did my best to impersonate Kim's mother – who by the way is concerned about Kim's relationship moving to fast with Jared.

"KIMBERLY CONNWLLER! WHAT in the name of GEORGE BUSH are YOU DOING!?" I screamed in her ear while trying to sound like her mother.

I think I succeed because she jumped a good foot in the air just after she pushed Jared away. Jared looked horrified for a second until he saw me.

By this point I was laughing so hard I needed to use Jared's shoulder to hold myself up. I wasn't the only laughing that hard though; I could hear Paul and Leah behind me dying of laughter.

"Kim, breath. Your mom is not here love. That was Jessica." Jared was trying to get Kim to breathe since her face was pale white and her eyes were huge as she tried to suck in enough air. She looked kinda like a fish out of water, the way her mouth was opening and closing.

Kim finally shook her head a bit and calmed down enough to send me a death glare. "Oh, you think that funny Jess?" She asked and all I could do was nod while wiping away the tears that came from laughing to hard, "Well you wait. I will get you back for this… you wait. If I was you, I would sleep if one eye open girl."

After another death glare she jumped off the bench and walked away hand in with Jared. Paul wrapped his warm arm around my waist and we followed with Leah and Stephen behind us.

Prom was not what I thought but it was still fun, and now onto our own after party.

You see most high school's do this time called 'safe grad' and it is basically an after party without alcohol since it is school run. But the pack is having what we call 'danger grad' meaning the school won't be there to watch over us.

I don't know if there will be any alcohol since Emily was a little worried about having me around the stuff. She thinks I may be an alcoholic or something. I don't think I am but the definition of one is a person addicted to intoxicating drinks and I used to be.

I haven't had a drink in some time now but I would be lying if I said the thought never entered my mind. I refuse the thought every time because I have no need for the toxic shit.

So I will not be drinking tonight but everyone else can. Emily cares and I know that but the word alcoholic stills scares. She was unsure about it earlier but I think she will give in and let them drink. Werewolves can't get drunk anyways; their temp is too high so their burn off the liquor before it can intoxicate them.

"Welcome to DANGER GRAD!" Kim yelled out the window of Paul's car as we pulled up to Sam and Emily's house. Leah demanded that Kim ride back with us since she was a little hyper on the way up and Leah said there was no way in hell she was driving her back.

Jared smiled at his girlfriend before dragging her out of the car and into the house. Paul didn't move though, just sat there with his hand in his suit. Was he asleep?

"Paul?" I asked him as I poked the side of his face with my finger. He caught my hand and kissed each finger before letting go and getting out of the car. He motioned for me to do the same so I did.

He walked around the other side of the car and taking my hand in his he led me towards the path behind Emily's house. I followed but was still confused as to what we were doing in the middle of the woods at night; at least I was with a werewolf…

Just as we reached the place where the dirt from the path blended with the sand from the beach Paul stopped and turned so he was standing directly in front of me.

He was looking into my eyes for a long time before he opened his mouth to speak, "Jessica I know you are wondering why the hell I brought you out here when the party is at Emily's house. And I have a valid reason for doing so."

I nodded and waited for him to explain further but his next actions didn't need words. He bent down while letting out of my hand to end up on one knee. Smirking I reached down and smacked him across the head, "Haha funny Paul. I fell for that once before when you asked me to Prom."

He smiled softly, " This time is no joke Jessica." His expression was serious and his eyes led no amusement only love. My hand was soon covering my mouth in shock.

There was no way he was… but he said… no he couldn't… but we're so young…

"Jessica May Hiltz, I have loved you since the moment I set eyes on your furious face in that anger class. I will never stop loving you and I wouldn't ever dream of it. I need you in life and even though we have had our road bumps you have stayed a part of that life. Now here I am on one knee, asking you to spend the rest of your life with me. What do you say?"

I couldn't even think straight as he pulled out a small velvet box from his suit. Flipping it open he revealed a stunning ring. It was a single diamond placed in the center of a silver ring.

"Jessica?" He sounded nervous this time. Oh! I forgot to answer!

Sucking a deep breath a said the only thing I could, "Yes! Of course Paul!" He instantly relaxed and slipped the ring on my finger.

He kissed the ring then all of my fingers before he stood up and kiss me full on. My feet left the ground for a second before he placed them gently back down.

"So what are you thinking about?" My face must have showed how hard I was thinking.

My brain was frozen so I muttered the only thing that kept repeating itself, "I'm engaged!" I felt like crying and screaming at the same time but I settled for wrapping my arms around my new werewolf fiancé.

**SO yea, that chapter is done! **

**Once again thank you to TwilightHeart21, and everyone who reviewed!! I love you all!**

**Swimming cutie xoxo**


	30. Begging, pleading, threatening

****

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight... please don't sue me...

**So here it is! The last chapter before the wedding! Mostly just fluff but you get a look at her dress and the bridesmaid dresses so there is some pupose! Hope you enjoy and also, I AM SO SORRY about the wait for this chapter. Again, i have to work on updating faster. But it did take some time to find her dress and the other ones as well, but still i am SO SORRY GUYS!!!**

* * *

**Jessica's POV**

_Ring… Ring…. Ring_

Paul groaned beside me and I took that as his silent plea for me to get up from the warm comfy bed and answer the flipping phone. Why is the phone so far from the bed anyways? You'd think it would be closer, but nope, it is across the room. I will have to move it after.

Climbing out of bed – it took a lot of effort because Paul had wrapped his arms around me pretty tightly and he seemed reluctant to let go – I walked across the cold wood floors at a fast pace.

Grabbing the phone from it cradle I pressed TALK, "Hello?" My voice was raspy and tried sounding.

"Jessica?" Kim's high pitched voice made me wince; morning people should not be allowed to call at… well actually ever.

"Jessica? Are you there? I swear if you dropped this phone on the floor so you could keep cuddling with Paul I am coming over and there will be blood. So help me god Je-"

"Kim calm down! I am still here!" I half yelled back into the phone, she was close to actually coming over. Kim can be scary, and has gotten scarier even since I asked her to be a part of the wedding. But I didn't ask her, Emily and Leah to take over but it happened and I am kinda thankful. Less work for my easily distracted mind.

I heard Paul's muffled laughter from behind me; lazy ass is still in bed. Rolling my eyes I walked back over to the bed – thank god for cordless phones, gotta love technology- and sat down so I was leaning against the head board.

"Good, now tell Paul to stop looking at you with his puppy dog eyes so you don't get distracted from what I am trying to tell you." Kim's voice was full of authority and I didn't dare question it. She knew me to well… kinda creepy.

Looking over I was met by – and I bet you guessed it - Paul's cute puppy dog eyes, complete with pouting expression. Giggling softly I moved the phone from my ear to cup the speaker so Kim couldn't hear me.

"Don't give me those eyes Paul." The words could have been said in a harsh tone but my voice was sweet as I laughed again. In response he just widened his eyes and pushed his bottom lip out more while he crawled closer to me.

"Give me one reason." He mumbled as he laid his head on my stomach. Turning his head he planted a kiss above my belly button.

Giggling some more I answered, "Kim said to stop. Some how that girl knows everything." I was still smiling like an idiot well I answered.

Paul just looked between the phone and my face; I think he was trying to decide something. A devilish smirk crept onto his face, completely wiping out the puppy dog look. Slowly he pulled himself up into a sit position and moved closer to me.

His face hovered an inch away from my mine, my breath stopped as I felt a small smile stretch my face. Leaning in he turned his head to whisper in my ear, "Let's test that." In a quick motion he crushed his lips on my mine.

My phone slipped from my grip seeing as my hands were now busy grabbing the back of his head to pull him closer. He flipped us so he was now leaning against the headboard. I moved to straddle his waist and he placed his hands on my lower back.

"JESSICA AND PAUL!! What did I just say!!! Pick up the mother fucking phone right now!" Kim's shrill voice interrupted us and I saw Paul smile before reaching around me to retrieve the phone.

Kim's rant was followed by some pretty creative curse words that I listened to in shock, looks like she learned a thing or two from the guys. Smirking I looked at Paul's face again, "Got your proof?" I kissed him once more before returning my attention to the shrieking banshee on the other line.

"God girl, you swear worse then a sailor!" I answered with a small laugh.

"Yea well, you can thank your boy Paul for that one. Any ways, I called to tell you that the final fitting for your dress is today! So get your lazy white ass dressed and meet me at Jared's!" Her command was followed by the head ache inducing dial tone.

Laughing under my breath, I rubbed my eyes before leaning into Paul's warm chest. He in turn wrapped both arms around my waist so I was now on my side with my face in his chest. He removed one hand from my back to smooth down my hair with a light caress.

"She does knows it is somewhere around," I started to state only to notice I myself I did know the time which she called. Looking over quickly at the bed I spotted the red glowing numbers, "8:24am right? Who has that much energy at this time?"

Paul's rumbling laughter shook us both, "You know, Kim used to be kinda shy around everyone. And now she is making angry phone calls at 8 in morning." He shook his head and nuzzled his face into my neck.

Breathing in his calming scent I buried my face in his wild hair. To think that this was how my life would be, it was still a shock for me. That first class, well all I wanted to do was rip his balls of and force feed them to him but that only lasted an hour.

The imprint magic morphed my thoughts after that. He became everything quicker then I had time to remember his name. When I was faced with a problem his face was in my mind, reminding me that I needed an outcome that wouldn't drive him away.

My life has changed so drastically that it sent my head reeling.

First I was a family girl. I had a loving family, good home and okay grades. A promising future and people to share it with.

Then I was the girl who lost her father. The girl who was so broken she turned to the dark side to help. Did drunks and drank. Lost all possible promises of the future and didn't care because none of it mattered.

Then I was the angry filled girl in high school whose principal thought a new angry management class was a good thing for me. I was the girl people knew not to even go near because I would snap. The one with the mother who worked on the street corners, so she lived with her sister, whose boyfriend had a thing for violent abuse.

And now, I am Paul Walker's fiancé. Holy Shit, talk about a random out come to that little tale.

Paul stirred and mumbled into my neck, "Do you really need to go today?" His voice was thick with sleep. He must have fallen asleep while I was having my inner dialogue.

Smirking at his question I answered, "Well no, I don't _have_ to. But the risk is kinda high. Having Kim and Emily come over and flip a bitch is not something I enjoy…"

I felt Paul's nose scrunch up against my skin, "urg… point taken. But hurry back to me love." He removed his face and sat up with a sigh. Smiling I leaned over and captured his lips with mine.

Pulling away slightly I murmured against his warm lips, "The first chance I get, I will make a break for it." I left him with another quick peck, making my way to the closet so I could pick out something to wear.

I grabbed the first thing I found; matching was never high on my property list. As long as it covered what it was meant to and I was sure no cop was going to fine me for 'public indecency' then I was good to go.

I strolled past the empty bed and into the kitchen where Paul was staring at the cupboards with a very confused expression. Debating whether or not I really wanted to know what he was doing I made my way over to him. His back was to me but I still stood on my tip toes to lightly kiss his cheek.

"I'm off… what are you doing?" I tacked the last part on as curiosity finally won.

"I just-… look I mean…" he turned to face with the same expression as before, I made a hand gesture for him to continue. Taking a deep breathe he began talking again, "Look at the cupboard." He raised his hand to point to the open cereal cupboard.

Moving so I was leaning against his side, I adverted my gaze from his russet face to the cereal boxes and raised an eyebrow before speaking, "Okay… and your dilemma is…?" My tone was questioning. I didn't understand his issue…

"I don't know what one to pick! They are just too many choices!!" He sounded like he really thought this was a complex matter.

Rolling my eyes I tried to hide the smile that was threatening to take over my face, "I see. What do you do every other morning Paul?" Mt tone was in no condescending, it was more of a fun joking around tone.

"I well… I don't know!" Paul whined while wrapping his arm tighter round my waist.

I leaned into his warm soft side more, "Then you have an issue. Why not just- AHHHH !! PAUL!" I screamed the past, mostly from surprise.

Randomly Paul decided to pick me up and start to spin in circles, good thing I hadn't eaten yet or he might be seeing it again. Laughing I threw my head back and watched the ceiling spin along with me.

Paul moved to sit me atop the kitchen counter. He stood in front of my with a playful smirk and eyes that sparkled with enjoyment. His hands rested on my upper thighs and I placed my hands around his neck.

I pulled him closer to me and lost myself in his scent. I knew this scent inside and out. I used to lie in bed and imagine doing just this. Smiling into the fabric of his sweater I felt my phone buzz against my leg.

I jumped a little and Paul just laughed. Bringing his hand up he fished around in my pocket to remove the annoying piece of technology. I knew it was Kim. How did I know? Because I am pretty sure she has some kinda six sense that just alerts her when a couple is having a moment so she can call or bust down the door… the latter has yet to happen, but is not in the realm of the impossible.

"Kim, I am _coming_. Stop calling." I all but yelled into the phone. Snapping it shut I let out an aggravated sigh before burying my face back in Paul's shoulder. Taking a deep calming breath I removed my head and took his face in my hands.

"I gotta go. I will see you when I am done." I whispered to him. Smiling I moved in to kiss him. The kiss was short but sweet and calming, "I love you."

"I love you more." He responded with a smirk. Stealing another kiss he helped me down from the counter. With a tight hug I left him behind to go to see the devil herself. Kim…. Urg.

***-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**

"Oh gosh…Jessica… it's perfect sweetie." Emily muttered with tears shinnying in her eyes. Kim had the same look and she was shaking her head in approval.

Leah just rolled her eyes, "You'd think this was the first time they'd seen this dress." Giggling I nodded in agreement.

Leah was right of course. They were there when I first found the dress, a month ago. That was a fun trip, not! Of course, I was beyond excited to buy a wedding dress but Kim and Emily were more excited then me.

It took four whole days of dress shop exploring to find this dress. Even though those few days were a living hell, and no I am not kidding, it really was hell, I finally found _the_ dress.

The same dress that had me crying when I went out to stand in front of my bridesmaids. They cried along with me, well Leah didn't cry as much as take pictures of Emily, Kim and I standing in a circle crying. She was enjoying it, telling us that Facebook was going to love these pictures.

I also found the bridesmaid dresses. I only have three bridesmaids and you can more then likely guess who they are. Leah is going to be my maid of honor, and she was really happy when I told her… then she found out that she will be forced to wear a dress… after a lot of begging, pleading, threatening and bribing she agreed.

Their dresses are also simple; I didn't want some big fancy wedding. Hell, if it was allowed, I would be getting married in my jeans with an 'Escape the Fate' t-shirt on but I was over ruled on that one. Their dresses are black with a cream colored flower outline that covers most of the bottom.

There is also a black satin band on the mid section. I loved them and it went perfectly because the colors for my wedding were black and white. The girl's looks awesome in them to so it was a win - win.

Standing in the dressing room and putting my dress back on again was like being in a dream world. A place where I was sure this was all some huge joke. Because, honestly how did this happen to _me_? The girl who had nothing left to give and yet, I had given everything to Paul.

It still makes me smile to think that out of all the pretty, calm and reasonable girls out there Paul imprinted on me. Little miss 'I have a freaking temper, and I will hurt you dumbass.' And god, I love him for picking me.

Back to my dress, really it is pretty simple. I put my foot down when Kim and Emily started talking about bows and lace, yeah right. The dress was not white, more like of a light cream color with a tight upper section that was cut off by a small band under the bust.

The band was made of little stones that sparkled when the light hit them just right. The dress went down to the floor and the skirt part was inflated – not with air like a balloon. I just don't know what to call it when the dress is puffy on the bottom.

On the left side of the skirt – really just the bottom half but Kim and Emily insist the thing is called a skirt…- there is a ruffle kinda thing. The fabric gathers there making it look like a giant winkle but hell, it looks cool to me so whatever.

Looking at myself in the mirror had me wondering in disbelief.

I never saw myself as someone who would be standing here, in a bridal store, looking at image of myself in a wedding dress at the age of 18. I never thought of myself as the girl who would get married right out of high school, or even want to for that matter.

No one saw me as that girl. Which does explain why I am here with three people I love but I am also missing the three people I also dreamed would be here. When I was a little girl my make believe wedding was never complete without their smiling faces. They don't smile so much now.

And they won't be there on the day. I won't have my daddy to walk me down the aisle and give me away. My mother won't be there in the front row crying as she watches her baby get married. And sister will be missing from my side as I say 'I do'.

I miss them. I want them here, so bad but… I can't. My dad never had a chance, having my mother there could be a disaster and my sister made the choice to leave. I love them but that doesn't seem to matter. Kristen said it was her time to go, and she was sorry but staying here was too hard. I understand her point but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt.

But I had a new family to be with now. A big family too, the whole pack including imprints. Lots of people to use my sarcasm against, laugh with, smile at and hang out with.

But best of all, I get to wake up next to Paul every morning. And soon, he will be _mine_ forever, well according to some piece of paper at least.

* * *

**And there is it!**

**Only two more chapters in this story. Next is the wedding and the after party. **

**Now i need to thank someone very very specail to this story and my other stories! Her name is TwilightHeart21 and i owe her this chapter and this story! I can always ask her a question and she helps me more then you'd think possible. Check out her stories, because honestly they ROCK! I love them all and she has so much talent. Not only does she write but she reviews as well. So THANK YOU!!!**

**And thank you to everyone who reviewed but guys i have a lot of ghost readers and i would love for them to take some time to review. It only takes a second, you can write one word with you, tell me how much this story this sucks with you'd like. Doesn't matter what you write, but please review!**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing!  
Swimming cutie xoxo**


	31. Honestly

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight. **

**And here is the wedding chapter. Now, i owe a thank you to the wonderfully talented TwilightHeart21. This girl reviews, writes and she is a good friend , she is amazing. Go check her out! You will not regret it!!**

**Also there is a Poll on my profile, about what story i should write next! And PICTURES of everything on are on my profile as well!!!**

**Onto the chapter!**

**Jessica's POV**

We've all seen it in movies, watched as the girl/woman cried and her family smiled so big it looked fake.

We heard the man in white say those magic words and we all dreamed of standing there in the woman's place.

We've all been there; don't even try to deny it. I know, because I have done the same thing. Although, I was only 6 years old at the time I dreamt about every single detail. The colors, those were my favorites. I always imagined mine to be purple and white, or something just as whimsical.

I used to want a big fancy ordeal with tons of people watching and clapping. But like I said, I was a little kid. A kid who grew up and changed into someone so different that, to the outside world, it was hard to believe I was ever that little girl. But to those who are in the know, I have grown past what was expected of me.

It all comes down to one thing though. No matter whom you are, what you do or how you live, standing behind two giant wood doors in a wedding dress is nerve wracking.

I cracked my knuckles for the seventh time since myself and my bridesmaids were escorted down to these doors. Past those two slabs of dark stained wood was my future. The love of my life and my family.

We stood in order, from first to enter to last. Kim was at the front of the line, followed by Emily and then Leah. None of them looked nervous, actually they looked pretty excited. I should be excited. Hell, I get my own theme music for my entrance and everyone is obligated to stand.

But, I am so nervous I feel like puking all over my dress. It sounds stupid, I know it does but I can't control the thoughts that pop into my mind. The number one fear that is a reoccurring idea in my head, the fact that when these huge doors open, Paul might not be at the alter. He just take off, finally noticing that I am beyond repairable and he has been wasting his time.

Kim and Emily were all over that theory though, telling me constantly that he would never ever leave me. Always saying that an 'imprint' bond can't be broken, and I believe them. My heart broke for Leah though, having to sit there and listen to Emily talk about the wonders of the 'imprint' bond. She told me not to worry, that she had moved on. Not sure about that one but this is all beside the point.

That little story proved to be a wonderful distraction from my growing nerves. Just as I came back down to reality I saw Kim throw me a thumbs and a smile before disappearing down the aisle. Holy shit, it has started.

She was followed by Emily who gave me a quick huge before departing the same way as Kim. Taking a deep shaky breath I turned to Leah, only the one left beside me. Once she goes, I am alone. There was no one to walk me down the aisle, to hold my hand and mutter encouraging promises.

"Jess, look at me." Leah placed her warm hand on the side of my face and turned it so I was looking her in the eyes, "You are going to be fine. Remember, Paul is waiting to marry you honey. He is not going anywhere. Trust me, if he ran off, I would find him and personally rip him to shreds, piece by piece. He loves you, and that is all that matters."

Her words were soft and I had to smile. Thinking about what she said gave me a new idea. They say a wedding is all about the bride right? Well then, we are going to do this my way.

"Leah," I grabbed her arm before she could walk down the aisle, "I need to ask you a huge favor." I smiled at her, hoping she would say yes. Knowing Leah, I can't say I could see her passing up an opportunity to mix this up.

She nodded with knotted brows but stood her ground. Raising my eyebrows I extended my offer, "Leah, you wanna do me the honor of walking me down the aisle this fine day?"

A huge smile spread across Leah's face and a mischievous glint became present in her eyes, "Of course my dear Jessica. Let's rock this, shall we?" She gestured towards the open doors and held out her elbow for me to hang on to.

I nodded and latched my hand onto her arm. Together we started to walk and as I expected, my theme music didn't start because they had no idea I was walking with Leah. Once I was spotted by the first spectator there was a round of confused murmurs.

In the distance I heard the wedding march start to play – it was my version, the semi-techno version- but my mind was too cloudy. It will sound super cheesy, but once I saw Paul, that was it.

He was… well, everything. Standing there in his black tuxedo with the white and black polka dot vest and his matching tie. The smile on his face, the way his teeth shined under the cheap lights, the sparkle in his eyes, all of it made my head spin.

I could faintly hear Leah wish me luck before giving me away to Paul. He reached down and took my hand with an amused smirk. I pulled myself up the one step between the alter and the aisle.

His warms hands wrapped around mine with just the right amount of force and I squeezed back. I was never one to be very romantic but right now, it just seemed to fit perfectly.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are gathered here today to witness…" The priest began the ceremony. My eyes never strayed from Paul's and the whole thing went by pretty quick.

Paul went a little over board on the whole 'you may kiss your bride' part. There was a lot of whistling and hollering from the pack. I actually blushed but it didn't last long. I watched as Leah smirked at me before leaving the alter on the arm of Jared – Paul's best man-, then Emily with Embry, and finally Kim with Sam.

I held out my hand for Paul but he just snorted. Bending down he knocked my knees out from under me and then caught me in his arms. Lifting me up he carried me – sadly, no pun intended – bridal style to the waiting reception.

The after party was being held in Sam and Emily's backyard, nothing fancy because fancy always seems boring and very un- Paul and me. We walked there, I may have refused to rent a car but like hell I was walking there in my heels.

Paul gave me a piggy back to their house, the whole time he randomly kissed my hands and arms. His smile never once faded and I knew mine was the same. I was still in shock; it hadn't really sunk in that I was married. To Paul, none the less.

"We're here Mrs. Walker." Paul informed me in a fake British accent before lifting me off his back and setting my feet on the ground, never once taking his eyes off me.

"Why thank you, Mr. Walker." I smiled back at him and gripped his hand in mine. Using his hand I pulled him down so he was face level with me. Smirking I placed my lips on his, on Paul, on my husband.

***-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-***

"Speech Time!!" Some one yelled over the blaring music. This was sure as hell my kinda party! There was tons of food and my favorite type of music blasting from the speakers.

I smiled as everyone stopped eating to look up at the wedding party – yea, we listen to music and eat, we're cool that. I looked to my left were Leah was sited, as Maid of Honor she has to make a speech.

This was a father frightening and amusing ordeal; god knows what she will say. But she stood and banged her fork against her glass. Clearing her throat she looked down at me with a rather evil smirk.

"So, I'm Leah, the maid of honor and I am required to say something nice about the new married couple… so here we go. Jessica and Paul, in my mind they are known as the two biggest tempers to set foot on this res. I love them both but, they have a short fuse. The day I met Jessica, well we bonded over snide remarks, good times and while I've known Paul for sometime but we won't get into that part.

In short, they are perfect for each other. No question, plus I have never met a more entertaining couple. They do have their gushy moments but Jessica is very like me so we get along when I comes to being, well less civil then a lady should. Both of them rock, and I love them for it. I'm happy for you, but Paul, screw this up and I will not hesitate to track you down. No joke."

With that she sat down, smiling to herself. I leaned over and hugged her, whispering in her ear, "I will be holding you to that past." She laughed and hugged me back.

Some people laughed, mostly the pack- because they knew she was _not_ joking, but everyone else just stared at her with raised eye brows. Jared snickered before standing and repeating Leah's glass gesture.

"Alright, so I'm Jared. Best Man. I've known Paul Walker since first grade. We met because I was talking to some girl, offering her some of my playdoh but he had to go and offer her all the playdoh, it goes without saying that she followed him. That was not the last time Paul stole a girl from me.

Of course, he found out that offering girls playdoh only works until fourth grade, even though he kept using that trick until grade eight. Paul was the guy that used to chase the girls around the playground only to fall and get hurt. He was never really normal and always had a tempter but we all know that. He is a good guy and the day he met Jessica, well I will always remember that day.

It was a normal day for me, until I heard a strange noise coming from outside my door; I answered only it to find a blubbering and confused Paul talking to my railing. True story, but Jessica changed him and he changed her. Together I doubt there is a thing they can't get though. They belong together. Paul, I'm happy my brother found love and Jess, you're like a sister to me so I'm warning you to run while you can."

Jared and Paul shared a one arm man hug before Jared walked over to me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he lifted me off the ground, placing a kiss on my cheek. I smiled at him as he went to sit down.

The pack was still laughing, as was Paul, but the laughter slowly died out as we continued to eat our food. Emily and Sue had volunteered to make _all_ of the food, with the exception of the cake – they insist that be brought. But I loved the cake none the less.

Picking out that cake was funniest moment of my life. Paul tagged along with me, I refused to let anyone else come since it was _our_ cake, and we went to 6 different stores between La Push, Port Angles and Settle.

All the samples we tried were delicious, and I was funning having – who wouldn't? Free cake? – But Paul was like a kid set free in a candy shop.

That man ate the first shop out of samples.

He annoyed the bakers at the second shop until they asked us to leave.

At the third shop he actually stuffed some samples in my purse.

We moved on to the fourth shop where he showed said samples to the baker and ask them to re-make it perfectly – he also stuffed those re-made samples in my purse.

Then at the fifth shop he tried – key word – to stuff an entire wedding cake in my purse. My purse is still soaking in warm water, icing stains like a bitch.

The sixth shop is where we found the cake that stands before us. I would say the cake is simple but I have said that about everything in this shindig so far, so instead I will say it represents my relationship with Paul.

The whole cake is white with 4 tiers. Around the bottom of each tier is a ribbon affect with small cascades of black flowers flowing over the cake in random spots. And because I never do anything else then strange, there is a giant black bow on top.

Now the reason I say it is like my relationship with Paul is because the outside may look pretty plain, but the inside is that awesome marble cake. Okay, so maybe it isn't that much like our relationship but hey, we both like cake so it is fitting.

Looking at Paul with a mischievous grin I nodded towards the cake. He smirked back and handed me the knife to cut. Placing his hand on top of mine we cut the cake together – even though I used no force, go strong werewolves.

We cut two pieces and each took a piece. Now, it is tradition for the bride and groom to smash cake in each other's faces but this is a werewolf's wedding to a former druggie so I think tradition went out the window.

I winked at Paul and we lunged at the same time. My cake went straight into Jared's surprised face well Leah screamed in shock when Paul smeared the cake on her face. It was silent for a second then Embry's rumbling laughter broke though, he thought this was funny did he, while we'll see about that.

Grabbing another piece of cake I held it behind my back and walk towards him. He smirked at me and I smiled back sweetly. Pulling the cake from behind my back I offered it to him and as he reached down I moved quickly and pushed the piece into his face.

He just laughed before wiping some icing off his face and sticking his finger in his mouth, "Good icing Jess." I laughed along with him before walking back towards Paul.

I stood in front of the cake hand in hand with Paul. Our backs were turned to the rest of the people so we didn't notice when Jared and Leah crept closer. Then I felt a pressure on the back of my back followed by the cold sensation of icing and cake on my face.

Leah and Jared had shoved our faces in our own wedding cake. Pulling my face out of me the frosting I turned around to face everyone. Everyone was snickering at us, and I tired not to smile.

Dragging one finger down my face I stick my sugar coated finger in my mouth, "It is good icing." I laughed and took some off Paul's face as well.

Everything was smooth sailing from there, but next up was our first dance as a married couple.

I've seen some couples do this on TV, I've seen them do some crazy hip hop dances and some very elegant waltz style routines but that took time and effort to prepare. I refused to go to some dance studio and take lessons, because this dance was about us and I am not going to change how I dance for that.

One of my favorites came pouring out of the speakers. My smile grew bigger as Paul wrapped his arms around me; we were dancing junior high style. I buried my face in the fabric of his suit and just swayed to the music.

_Left your t-shirt in my room  
Still smells of you  
And the picture you hung on the door  
Lay smashed, picture perfect  
Explains now  
Clearly nothing left but a memory  
We only made out  
You never kissed me  
That's how I learned to hold back all feeling_

_Wait, please don't go  
I won't stay  
All these words on replay  
I'm okay  
It's all right  
Good to know that you're fine_

_Pretending everything is right to make it better  
I'll hide my make-up smeared eyes  
To show that I'm fine_

_Some how you have managed to get under my skin  
More than anyone ever did  
And if every hole makes a scar  
And every scar marks it's place  
Then I will never live freely without your trace  
And it'll never be fair  
I wrote my songs for you and you never even cared  
So I'll forget you  
I'll wash your t-shirt and kill the pillow  
And cut you out of pictures_

_Wait, please don't go  
I won't stay  
All these words on replay  
I'm okay  
It's all right  
Good to know that you're fine_

Paul suddenly pulled back to look to his left. I followed his gaze with a confused expression but my breath hitched when I saw who he was looking at. There, standing at the edge of the dance floor was the last person I thought I would see here today.

"Kristen." I whispered in a tear jerking voice. Paul released me and I ran to her. Throwing my arms around her neck and she hugged me back just as fiercely. "You came." I muttered in her ear as the tears fell down my face.

"Of course I did sweetie. How could I miss this?" She squeezed me back. She pulled back to look at my face and I saw the glistening tears flow down her smiling face.

I smiled back at her, grabbing her hand I dragged her out to the dance floor. To the spot where Paul waited. "Kristen, this is Paul." I introduced them for the first time. He held out his hand for her but she shook her and threw her arms around his waist.

He smiled down at her and wrapped his arms around her as well. I couldn't help the amount water that was trailing down my face now. Kristen pulled back and looked him, "Thank you." She told him with her tear riddled voice.

I hugged her again, but this one was cut short by a tap on her shoulder. Looking around her I saw a grinning Embry with an extended hand, "Care to dance?" He asked Kristen. She nodding and wiped the remains of her make up. Accepting his hand they disappeared into the middle of the dance floor.

I returned to Paul's arms. I looked up at Paul, biting my lip I asked, "Did he…?" I trailed off. Not wanting to use the word in case I was wrong.

"Yea, he did." Paul's mile grew when I sighed a sigh of relief.

"Finally, she has a rock in her life." I whispered back into his chest.

"She's lucky. But at the moment, I can't deny that I am the luckiest man on earth right now and I always will be." He leaned down to kiss the top of my head.

Tightening my grip on him I whispered back, "I believe I'm the lucky one in the scenario. I love you with everything I have and everything I don't. Thank you."

"For what?"

"For loving me. For everything you have brought into my life." I felt the tears start to come back as I spoke.

He snorted quietly, "Thank _you_. I love you more then life, more then anything I have ever felt or seen. You're it Jessica. You're my everything."

"Honestly?"

"Honestly. Forever."

And he sealed it with a kiss.

**And the wedding is over!!**

**Now i could write an Epilogue but it depends on YOUR REVIEWS!!! So review if you want one, or tell me you don't. But without your reviews there will not be one. ****So REVIEW! **

**Also there is a Poll on my profile, about what story i should write next! And PICTURES of everything on are on my profile as well!!!**

**Thanks for reading this story!! And thanks to everyone who reviewed along the way!  
Swimming cutie xoxo**

**P.s - the song used is called 'Make up smeared eyes' by Automatic Loveletter. **


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